Men Who Don't Mind

Add a Comment

9 Comments

Comment by Bald Girls Do Lunch Inc on April 6, 2008 at 5:07pm

Great topic.

How the woman with alopecia and the men in her life interact with her and vice versa is more the follow-up to this: How is she already accepting of herself. That's the mirror to hold up first. Once she has the self-confidence within herself, men ( and anyone she meets for that matter) get a vibe off that. It's human nature to be attracted to people who like themselves.

I'm also an advocate of the creative approach. So you wear hair of one length or color the first date or meet-up and strategically wear a different length/color/texture the second time. "Oh , my hair is a bit different? You know, I am sooo lucky...I have lots of choices because I wear wigs. Ever hear of alopecia areata?" Then riff your 20 second riff ( yes, get it down to under 20 seconds) with your matter-of-fact this is not important attitude on and bam, you're out and done with it! Works like a charm every time and you get a heap of admiration and compliments.

This whole thing about should I tell, shouldn't I tell, I'm afraid to be a fake. That emotional drama is way too much. I've yet to meet a woman who ever regretted telling someone after the first meeting ( this is not a good idea the first time you say hello)....but I've met plenty with regrets they didn't do it sooner.

The emotional drama that women put themselves through to keep alopecia a big secret from others is a life-damaging, life draining anxiety that is far far worse than any momentary un-ease of telling people. Talk to the women who have told others and lived to tell about it happily! Trust me, lightening or worse will not strike you down when you start to tell others. Ask them.....what did you say? How long did you practice it at home before testing your verbal debut? If a woman is stuck at I can't, I won't, I'm afraid then look in the mirror at home and tell the person looking back, " You deserve better. You deserve total happiness. Only YOU can make it happen so go get'em!"

Comment by Iamrj on April 5, 2008 at 5:23pm

Thank you, Crowned Regal. :-)

Comment by Crowned Regal on April 5, 2008 at 12:00pm

"Real men of substance who know how to truly love and adore bald or alopecic women without reducing them to fetishes."....POWERFUL!

Comment by Cool Head on April 5, 2008 at 6:37am

I feel that there are men out there who don't mind. The problem is that you have to expose yourself before you truly know if they mind. That's the problem I've had. I still hold out for hope to not only find a man that dosen't mind, but also a man that I want to share my baldness with.

Comment by YoKasta Martinez (aka kastababy) on April 3, 2008 at 5:30pm

You know, now that my daddy is no longer in this earthly realm, I wonder constantly what he thought about my alopecia and how it affected my romantic relationships with men. I wish I would have asked him, because he was always my biggest supporter and my bestest friend in the whole world, and I'm sure he would have told me. I look forward to seeing the discussions that come up in this group!!

Comment by Eric Bondy on April 3, 2008 at 9:48am

Thanks for the invite. I certainly do find bald woman more than attractive and hope that one day i can find one to give my heart to.

Comment by Iamrj on April 3, 2008 at 9:13am

Thea, thanks for the encouraging feedback. As a father helping to raise three daughters in a society obsessed with "the beauty myth," I certainly understand why other fathers, mothers, and guardians would need constant reassurances that their daughters (and sons) will be loved for who they are. This group will offer that kind of assurance, indeed, but only because it will also underscore the critical importance of not treating kisses like they are contracts and not setting oneself up for rejection by concealing the real you or trying to please and appease faux friends or a pathetic choice of partner. So, yes, let's bring 'em in, all men to whom true love matters and whose love for bald and alopecic women is a matter of true love!

Comment by Bald Girls Do Lunch Inc on April 3, 2008 at 8:17am

Great group rj! Over the years, before BGDL, I'd met many fathers obsessing with worry that no one will date their daughters who have alopecia - and no doubt transmitting anxiety to their teens. The dads seemed to need more reassurances than the moms in my observation - or maybe it was just finally getting in a forum where they could express themselves that the dads felt comfortable to finally let it out.The fathers of daughters with aa is another constituency I hope will build friendship and resilience within this group so let's find the dads and bring-em in!

Thea

Comment by kyra on April 3, 2008 at 1:33am

It would be nice to chat with a man who accepts you for all the right reasons.