Comment by Cara Jakobitz on May 19, 2009 at 12:19pm

I would be surprised if anyone with any form of AA hasn't felt the way you are feeling at some point in their lives. It is a HUGE challenge I think we all face. I know for me personally I have felt depressed by it many times over the years and I'm sure I will continue to. Just remember how lucky you are to have a great life and people who love you for who you are. :-D

Comment by Joshua on May 19, 2009 at 12:25pm

Hi Alex,

I might have too much to say again. Nope, reading your blog has not bored me to death, how could it be if one of my alopecian friends needed a pair of listening ears?

I agree that the society has placed too much on superficial look than it actually worths, and it doesn't mean that when most part of the society is wrong, we should also adhere to the value.

If there is people judging us by how we look or what we have or not have physically, then I feel sorry for them. As I have said in my earlier reply to another post, the works and values of people who hold on in their life will stand the test of time, for they will be remembered for decades, centuries because of their works and inspirations. I couldn't think of one person who is remembered for centuries to come because of their physical attractiveness. Even the prettiest girls and handsomest boys cannot escape the reality of aging and eventually meets death.

Let me set you a story, tulips and roses are planted in city gardens where many people can adore. They bloom into glorious beauty and colour under the breath of spring. People in the city and by the road, would stop by, complimenting the flowers and take pictures of the flowers...etc...but soon enough they fade away and be forgotten.

However, the fruit trees are different. For example, the apple trees, they are not planted in city streets where many people can come and adore, a fruit tree may look like an ordinary tree where people does not appreciate, but when it blooms and bear fruit...the apple tree is the most beautiful of all...and it does not stop just there, the fruits supply nutrients and become food that feed the hunger and provide to the poor, countless people benefit from it.

The society may not think that alopecians are beautiful, we may not be the jewel of city, we may not be "attractive" to a big part of the society. But do not be disheartened and discouraged because I am sure then, when the time comes...you'll realize you're better than many "superficial" people out there.

Talking about Britney Spears, she had all the she has or a person could ever ask for, famous, rich, pretty, a partner, a family but yet it all meant nothing to her because of her poor choices.

At the end of the day, it is the choices we make in life will change everything and not whether we have alopecia or not.

Joshua T.

Comment by Libby on May 19, 2009 at 4:42pm

Well said, JT.....very well said indeed.

Libby

Comment by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on May 19, 2009 at 6:41pm

Hi Alex-

Though I am far from being 18, I remember vividly having similar thoughts as in your blog at that age and I didn't even have alopecia then. So what I'm saying is that we can't always attribute to alopecia what is sometimes more attributable to just being a human and living life with all its many surprises, changes and wonders everywhere our life's journeys take us. At your age, some of my most confusing days and greatest challenges (besides hard courses in school) involved the transitions to just becoming my own person - truly separate from my parents.

" If you think of something at 4 in the morning and again the next day, you always get different answers."
- CS, creater of Snoopy

Comment by Alex Fabozzi on May 19, 2009 at 11:26pm

Thanks everyone....I don't know why, but the last few months have been rough. Not rough in reguards to AA, but just in general. A lot of stress and nonsense has been going on and I think it all together is just adding up. I feel a little better for getting it out there and off my chest.

Comment by Mari on May 20, 2009 at 5:36pm

Sometimes life just seems to get that way Alex. And the great thing is, we are here to hear it all even ( and thank goodness) when it is not about alopecia. We all have our normal lives to lead and it is nice when Alopecia is not the main focus. Please share whenever you need to!

And I just have to say- that was the best comparison I ever heard Joshua

Comment by Tallgirl on May 21, 2009 at 2:52am

Does this fit? Sometimes a run-in with an old lover, friend, photo of self, or buddy can trigger silent comparisons of me now vs me then. Who or what idea has crossed your mind lately?

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on September 24, 2009 at 9:24am

I tend to agree with BaldGirlsDoLunch, sometimes I felt and sometimes still sometimes feel that life is just off. Not quite content but can't put my finger on it. There is nothing particularly joyous or negative going on, just a feeling of unrest. So, no I don't feel you are strange or ungrateful, just normal.

Comment by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on September 24, 2009 at 10:08am

As an analogy-

Often I talk with parents of teens with alopecia. It centers around this: never attribute to alopecia alone that which is more reasonably explained and attributed to the fact that you are living with a teen and teen hormones in your household.

Talllgirl, I had experience that I chalk up to being a human being. More about that later. Nothing wrong with that.

Women and I mean women with alopecia in particular, are often way too hard on themselves. Give yourself some slack.
Like I discuss at the lunches....women are putting it on yourselves to juggle everything: your own changed self image; your perceptions of what other people might be thinking, your reactions to what they actually do say and think; the actual public reaction ( double takes, etc) and not least the imagined fears of what might happen due to some future action you might initiate. That's for starters.

So women do well to at least give themselves the luxury of understanding that complexity and range of feelings is normal.Especially a situation like I experienced myself. I was sampling a very long under=hair piece prototype sent to me. The hair was think, long, brown with blonde highlights....exactly the hair I had in college. Instinctively I put it on and put a big brimmed hat over it ( this is a topless kind of underhair thing). I gathered up the hair and instinctively braided it and tied it off with a pony elastic. And then my eyes filled with tears. I would never have predicted the reaction and it was over in a moment. But it was a human reaction generated by a memory center in my brain and re-acativated by the mind-body connection of going through the kinesthetic motions after so many years of feeling that I was braiding the hair on my own head. What's wrong with that? So I got unexpectedly emotional. I reconnected to that long haired college girl who spent years of her life holding and taking care of that hair. If you let it , you can take joy in re-connecting to that person, to all that parts that are "me", and that includes all the stored sense memories, too. After all, I'm not as limber, not as fast a skier, not as fast on my feet nor as wrinkle free as I used to be either.

In life, you really cannot predict where you're going to wind up exactly so make a smile and a nod to the past but focus squarely on tomorrow. The future is where you have 100% of your influence.

Thea
baldgirlsdolunch.org

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