Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stacey on April 21, 2011 at 7:15pm

Start somewhere not so confronting - no school friends present, and maybe a really close friend or two for support. Just have a scarf in your bag, walk from point A to point B, head held high and oozing with confidence, showing people how beautiful bald people are, then pop your scarf back on take a deep breath, and go on and do it again when you are ready.
I am a big chicken too - I only really take mine off around the house, or in the car while driving on a hot day. Always a chance someone will catch me, but in those situations, it doesn't bother me. I just shout out 'hang on, I am just grabbing a scarf' before I walk to the front door. I have once checked the mail smooth and shiny - I think I ran to the letterbox and back!
My big 'coming out' was when I opted for a scarf/bandana raher than a wig. I was more comfortable, and didn't feel like I was hiding anymore. I have handled many cancer related queries, by people who were genuinely concerned or just random folk off the street, but I am used to those now, replying with " I'm not sick, I just don't have any hair, but thankyou for your concern". Even if they were just being nosy, it shuts them up!
All I know is, the general population doesn't tease a confident person - so develop that confidence and show your world the real you.

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Permalink Reply by Garden Girl on April 22, 2011 at 12:03am

Good luck with your liberation!

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Permalink Reply by Aunt Janet on April 22, 2011 at 3:23am

I hear ya on those hot Georgia summers. I am in southwest GA, about 20 miles north of Tallahassee, FL. It can become like an oven outside. I can't imagine wearing a wig in the heat down here. I totally understand about the general pubic seeing me but not my co-workers. With the general public who gives a frog fat butt. I don't know these people and may never see them again in my life so their opinion of me doesn't really matter. My co-worker on the other hand, I spend 9+ hours a day with them 5 days a week so it can be awkward. I agree with Stacey, keep a scarf or something in your bag as a backup. Make short little trips, you know the gas station, run into the post office. Places that will not require you spend a lot of time in case you start to feel uncomfortable. That's what I am doing. I'm hitting all the gas stations in a 25 mile radius. Hee hee.

Anywho, if you need some Geogia support I'm here for ya!
-Aunt Janet

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Permalink Reply by Mary on April 23, 2011 at 1:16am

Check out my photos and blogs, Dielle. 3 years ago right now, I was taking my first "baby steps": first time bald at the supermarket, at the gym, at the library. Pretty soon I stopped counting the "firsts". These days, this is just who I am. I remember being terribly self-conscious and afraid of people's reactions, but I found that when I started acting like a bald woman is nothing out of the ordinary, people seemed to react the same way. I carry "business cards" about alopecia that I print that I hand to people if they ask about my "cancer". Most people are nice, and are relieved to hear I don't have cancer. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it doesn't bother me most of the time. Anyway...I don't want to repeat everything here, but check out my blogs and photos and videos. Good luck...just be yourself and hold your head upl "Fake it 'til you make it" applies! Mary

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Permalink Reply by Mallory Crowner on April 25, 2011 at 8:21am

I've been "out" since the first day I found out I had Alopecia. I was 17...I was scared, people were mean, but I was me. I don't remember how I did it. I remember I had a lot of hurt feelings. I was sensitive to stares and comments, and sometimes I lashed out at those people. Did they deserve it? In the long run, I still don't know. Were people TOTALLY ignorant? Oh heck yes. BUT...I was the only person that I knew that could teach them. So I did. And I've spent my years since then explaining that no, I'm not bald by choice, no, my mom is not mad because it looks like I took a lawn mower to my head, no, I don't have cancer, I'm perfectly healthy, YES, I do have Alopecia!! HAHA!! Most people had no clue, less than a few did. I found I was overyjoyed when someone recognized Alopecia Areata and not chemotherapy.

I come from a strong family, many strong-willed women in my family, and I chose to accept, embrace, and love who I am. No one else will learn to love me for me if I can't love myself. I believe that confidence radiates beauty...if you are comfortable and confident with yourself, others will be as well. Maybe not everybody...there are still alot of jerks out there. ;o)

Good luck with your baby steps!!

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Permalink Reply by Michele Mae Godlewski on April 25, 2011 at 11:35am

After attending and participating in the first "Be Aware, Shave Your Hair" event in our small hometown my first "bald" outing was to return the wheelchair that we had borrowed from the local VFW post for my elderly mother. Knowing at the time that I made the decision to shave and "walk a month in my daughter's shoes" that I would have to face the public, being without the support of all who attended the event to help support her as well scared the daylights outta me! I had to sit in my parked car an extra minute or so to brace myself before entering the building. When I did, I was met with smiles and kudos and a lot of questions about how things went and about Mallory's history in general. That errand in and of itself made my back straighter and my smile brighter. The hats and do-rags that I purchased for use following the event have just been sitting on the closet shelf collecting dust!

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Permalink Reply by Helen Rose Kaplan on April 27, 2011 at 11:14pm

Dielle, great post! It seems to me like you and I are semi- in the same boat in the way of going out without our wigs on! I've recently started not wearing it while Im taking my dog for walks around the neighborhood, out in the front or back yard amd in the car. I've just gotten to the point where I feel comfortable to start doing that. This summer I'm also planning on going to places without it, first the beach. How about we both do it? Keep me posted!! :)

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Permalink Reply by Clifford on May 24, 2011 at 4:22pm

It is obviously more difficult for women and girls to brave the world than for men. I got my first wig when I was eight and finally stopped wearing one altogether when I was about 28. The first time I went out of the house without my wig was when I was about 20.
My advice is to take baby steps. As Stacey says, walk from A to B without your wig and then retreat. Then do it again and again on different days until you feel comfortable. Once you have mastered this, choose one activity that you are able to brave without your wig; like a walk in a park or on the beach or even sitting at a coffee shop or on a park bench for 30 minutes. Make this a regular routine -- preferably in the same place at the same time every day or weekend. When that becomes second nature add a new activity like a swim at a public pool or beach or gym etc, then another and another.
Leave the hardest stuff, like college, for last. It does not matter if it takes a few years even, although one of the most uncomfortable things for me was when I met someone I knew without my wig one day and then with it on another day -- in fact it was my issue though, not theirs.
In the end, the only places I wore my wig was to work and to visit my parents. This went on for three or four years (I will elaborate on the parents issue at another time).
Eventually, with the caring help of a gay colleague, I "came out" by attending a two-day work function without my wig. It was a great relief and everyone was wonerfully supportive.
ps. I still wear a cap most of the time; partly to protect myself from sunstroke in summer and cold in winter and partly because that's how I feel comfortable.
Good luck!

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