Please forgive me - but I need to vent. I find myself lately begging and pleading with God to give my son some of his dark eyebrows and eyelashes back. That's all he wants - forget all the rest of the hair. He's 14 - just started high school, and lost basically all his hair 9 months ago. He is such a handsome guy - but he just doesn't see it. And the loss of his eyebrows (the little hair he does have is white) is such a downer for him. Tonight he was really in a foul mood - but wouldn't share what was wrong. He kept saying "nothing - just in a bad mood." Alopecia is somewhat of a taboo topic for us - he absolutely HATES when I mention anything about it. He doesn't want to talk about it at all! (denial, maybe?) We took him to the Naaf conference - hoping that would help - not seeing much difference. Anyhow before he goes to bed he says " I think I want to start using rogaine or something on my eyebrows" - so now I think I have an idea where the sour mood is coming from. It saddens me so much to see him emotionally suffer like this. I know God has a plan for all of us and there is a reason He is allowing this - I do truly believe this, but it's so darn difficult at times. Okay, done venting....going back to begging and pleading ;) *sigh*

Views: 13

Comment by Tallgirl on September 21, 2010 at 10:55pm
Leave an envelope marked "addresses and websites for male eyebrow tattoos and stencils" out where he will see it (filled with safe choices that you will agree to pay for), say nothing, and let him think about it on his own. You check out the places for tattoos and stencils first...check with JeffreySF and Cheryn Salazar on this site for contacts.

Also, leave out concert ads for concerts at colleges to get him exploring campuses. Winter is concert and indoor party time!
Comment by Pat Latina on September 22, 2010 at 5:47am
April, I think that Tallgirl is onto something. I know it's different for us women to get tatoo eyebrows but I had mine done and it was the best decision ever. I know that there are men here that have had it done, so explore a bit like Tallgirl said and do the envelope thing. I believe that if you just let him make the decision - he will and I'm sure he will be so much happier. Eyebrows as you know frame our faces without them we look a bit out of place. So I encourage you to do it. I'm praying for you and your son. And, YES God always has a plan and it's always way better than our own. ((HUG))
Comment by Galvin on September 22, 2010 at 10:28am
I had tattoos on my eyebrows about ten years ago. It really helped me face that mirror in the morning. I believe the shop was called, "Eye R Us" its in Mt. Pleasant, PA. just off the turnpike. They had a binder full of pictures of past customers.
Yea, you got a good lookin boy there, he doesn't need it, but if it gives him some confidence its worth a try.
Comment by Carol on September 23, 2010 at 9:48am
Although it is nice to hide behind wigs, hats and even fake eyebrows, it is most important to accept yourself as you are. By hiding the fact that we are different we are just avoiding the issue rather than dealing with it and then it turns into a bigger mess later. I've found that guys more specifically do not talk about their hair loss as much as females do but clearly it is bothering him. Perhaps it would be a good idea to either get someone to come in to speak at a school assembly about alopecia or have your son open up about it to his peers? The more we hide it, the more pain it causes us! Your son probably doesn't like to talk about it because he doesn't want people to feel sorry for him or he doesn't want to feel that he is worrying you but he will learn that talking about it is more helpful. God has his reasons for putting your son (and his family) through this, I know if I didn't go through my childhood with alopecia I'd have turned out a far worse person than I am now, I learned a lot. Try to keep his confidence boosted in other skilled or talented areas, encourage him, try to see if he's interested in being involved in more extracurricular activities outside of school (a youth group, guitar lessons...?). Being involved in outside activities will allow him to hang out with other kids with similar interests and help him realize that you don't need hair to have talent or accomplish great things. If the money is there, take him on a shopping spree, perhaps he just needs a new image. When I stopped wearing my wigs I had to change my fashion to suit my appearance. There are tons of options available depending on his personality and interests but don't sweep his alopecia under the rug, make him use his difference rather than try to fit in with everyone else. If Einstein was like every other kid we wouldn't have as many inventions as we do today, Beethoven's music wouldn't have tantalized our ears. Positivity, motivational speaking and encouragement are what he needs, not eyebrows (although I understand how nice it is to have them and am fully aware of their benefits)! Good luck, it's hard enough to figure teens out without other complications. ;)
Comment by Rose Marie' on September 24, 2010 at 5:02pm
Hi

I understand how you might be feeling. I am a parent of a young woman who has alopecia. She has had alopecia since she was 12 - she is now 19 (just about 20).

I agree with most of what Carol has said and support her viewpoint to a degree. One of the things I don't agree with is the assumption that wearing a head covering, eyebrows, lashes or even make-up is somehow hiding who you are. In my experience with the many people I help that is not the case. Those things are just tools (like clothes) to give the person a choice on how to present themselves to the world. Your son has not asked for alopecia to happen to him and therefore 'choice' has been taken away by this condition. That is frustrating and difficult for a young woman or a young man. I've noticed that many people define themselves with their condition but their is even a greater number that define themselves in spite of their condition. Both choices are healthy and good. Just depends on what personality type your young man is. :)

We have a beautiful young model in New Zealand that has AU - she also wears a hairpiece when she feels like it. Depending on the photo's required she is happy not to wear hair and uses her alopecia as a quite stunning point of difference, but she gives herself choices by also having some lovely hairpieces where she can present herself with hair if that is her want. She is incredibly well adjusted and happy to be with or without her hair depending on what she wants. She is not hiding her alopecia but is giving herself as many options as work for her.

I believe you do need to focus on his condition until it becomes just a small part of who he is and doesn't take up every waking moment of his thoughts. I have noticed that this condition can override everything else in a persons life and as Carol says getting him involved with other activities and encouraging him to voice his feelings about his changed appearance with you , your family and then a wider circle of friends is incredibly helpful. This worked for my daughter as well.

With regards to eyebrows, head coverings, etc. There are quite a few choices available. My daughter (when she doesn't have eyebrows - her's come and go), prefers to wear the hairy type ones. We get ours from a lady in Australia, but I'm just not sure if they come in male shapes. If you want any information on them just contact me and I will pass on what I know. I also believe 'headcovers' sell a hairy type of eyebrow. It may be worth a look.

If I can be of any further help please feel free to contact me.

Rosy

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