Keeping Respect: Dates, Friends, Bullies

If true connection is FREE...if happiness has no price...who can you really say never fails to make you smile without the possible COSTS? Maybe the one who makes you smile with a MUTUAL feeling is more worth the wait than the numbers of dates with no true connection. Hair or no hair, it can be too frustrating and take up too much mental stress if you are trying to convince someone who does not feel the same about you to stick around for a romance, be it at age 16 or 66. Let it grow naturally, or let it go. If that person is lessening time with you, isn't that a sign? Take a look around instead at who DOES include you at holidays, celebrations, vacations and meaningful sharing-of-special-times. A solid, fun friendship can make for a better time than a bad date.

We alopecians are NOT "children of a lesser God." (Over 17s can see the old movie of that title for a glimpse of how a woman in the hearing-loss community felt about herself.) Maybe our special condition has prepared us to be entrusted with greater endurance, humility, patience, empathy, creative problem-solving, researching, deeper loving and parenting...traits we may not even have considered if we stayed stuck-up about hair and outer looks. However, we also need to have self-respect. We can show we care about ourselves by what we say in person and on Facebook/chat about our condition or our achievements. The constant listing of our faults can only be spread in gossip to tarnish ourselves and any chance with those who may have been attracted to us. You never know how many see or hear those comments, worldwide.

What are you (or have you been) willing to trade away, just to say you had A date or many dates? Dignity? Reputation? Time away from best pals? Pride? Health (STDs or pregnancy)? Honor? Money? Life-long friendship with that person instead? Is THAT person worth jeopardizing any of these just to prove you can "catch" someone while you have hair loss, regardless of his or her feelings?

Why would you want to hang around, listen to, pursue or base your worth on someone whose comments, actions or eye-rolls do not show you respect?

As to the younger set, consider the sign I saw in a classroom where I taught this week. It was probably in relation to rude comments, but I think it can also apply to how you talk to yourself.

T. H. I. N. K.

Is what others/you say T TRUE? H HELPFUL? I INSPIRING? N NECESSARY? K KIND? Do not accept comments or expressions that are not these things. You can walk...or RUN...away from those or from that part of you (admit it....sometimes you can be your own worst enemy with self-talk) that does not THINK nor allow for healthy mental growth. You many end up with LESS people in your life, but who you keep will be of much greater QUALITY. Only you and The Force know the truth about your real wonderfulness. Keep these thoughts when dealing with those (even family members!) who do not understand alopecia and real love.

Seriously. Do. Not. Settle.

Views: 105

Comment by Rose Marie' on September 22, 2014 at 3:42pm

Perfect!

Rosy

Comment by Tallgirl on September 24, 2014 at 10:10am

On kindness to self: someone once told me that throwing away a compliment or words of hope from a relative, friend or potential friend is like throwing away a gift someone is trying to give you. Instead of, "Oh, this old thing?" or "You're just saying that", just say THANK YOU. To take it a step further, one friend of mine wouldn't say THANK YOU...he'd say "Thank God." He felt any good qualities came from Elsewhere.

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