So about one year to this day I found my first spot...I remember being in complete shock, getting verification from the hubby and thinking "What the heck is this?" I remember going to my 1st doctor is somewhat of a panic and being told "alopecia" and thinking alowhat??? I remember a second spot starting while we were at the cabin and this is where the story turns ugly. I remember that weekend just bawling as I had more and more hair fall out and felt tingling all over my body. I remember just sitting on the couch and doing nothing...frozen in fear, sadness and writing my admin in school and telling them I would not be in that week. I recall going into some sort of deep sadness, anxiety, depression...not sleeping for about a month and a half, being prescribed anti-anxiety drugs from my Dr. and just watching life go by. My hair was now coming out by handfuls. I recall the first dermatologist saying "oh yeah, alopecia...you're stressed, you need to stop exercising as this is stressful and just relax...no big deal...really there's worst things out there" Yeah, like that helped..Now I wasn't supposed to run or workout, this added to the depression. I recall having another Dr. send me for a CT scan to see if I had a tumour on my pituitary...situation worsening with worry of a brain tumour. And then I recall the fateful day when my husband made the call and said it's time to shave. I was ready. We shaved...I teared...and it was over. I had already had my first wig purchased which too, caused me to not to eat for a few days...but life was still getting better. I was sent to a shrink with my work which turned out to be useless and aggrivating as nothing was ever accomplished and seriously Hypnosis...really??? not for me. That's when I took control.
I looked around me and realized I have everything I ever wanted, a loving family, husband, great friends...so what's my problem. What I did realize was that I was doing WAY too much. I was at the time a full-time Biology/science teacher in high school and was leaving my own two kidlets, who are 4 and 2 to the wayside. I was fortunate enough to talk with the hubby and decide that my family was more important than teaching for now and I am now home, but working some administration for a business twice a week...WAAAAY BETTER.
I have worked through some insecurities that have plagued me even before alopecia and have come through more confident than before in most situations. I went cold turkey of the anti-anxiety meds in the summer as I basically couldn't really feel any emotions and had short-term memory issues worse than "pregnancy brain". That spiralled me into a pms x 3000 mood which was adored by all for a few weeks...but here I am now, AU and doing pretty good. I'm back to bubbly upbeat Jenn and just modified the look a bit. I am becomming an artiste at brows...for the most part no one has a clue and becomming a masterful wig woman. I have once again conquered the volleyball court (which was a fear) and have completed a 1/2 marathon.
I'm aerodynamic and the official BBQ starter of summer. I've learned that life throws you curve balls every once and a while that really stir the core, but once you get through the tough stuff you really do come out on top! I will surely always want my hair back...who doesn't...but until then, there is no use wasting time in mourning...life's too good to miss. i do need to thank everyone on this site for all the support and pictures and everything you do...I went on this site everyday during the tough times and am slowly weaning off as I get more confident everyday!!! It's nice to know you are not alone. Wow this is long...