Where acceptance is all there is
I agree with your husband. Children are very cruel and will find the smallest things to bully other children about...having a "bald headed mother", is "major." I started wearing wigs when my daughter was a teenager....she is 35 now, and still talks about how she was bullied and harassed about my "hair issues." Don't let that happen to your son. It leaves lifelong emotional scars.
Cindie- was your daughter bullied even when you wore wigs or did you go for a period of time before wearing wigs? I only ask because I have a 4 year old son in a very small town. I would not want what is happening to me to harm him in any way. Please advise. Jodi
The bullying started when I started wearing wigs.....my daughter was in middle school....1990....she was 13......when she wasn't being teased, she was being punched, kicked, slapped, and otherwise physically abused. And back in those days, children who were bullied were perceived to be the problem. It was HELL for her.....and really, that's why a lot of people "home school" their kids if they can.....because they know, that even today, if their child is bullied, there is not a lot that can (or will) be done to stop it. And at the time we lived in what was considered a "good" area; in fact, it was the area (and same school district) where her father attended school. So we thought, that with most of those children being the children of his classmates, that there would be no problems.
"Educating" people about alopecia is all well and good, but as a parent, your first duty is TO PROTECT YOUR CHILD!"
I agree that as a parent our first duty is to protect our children but educating can play a huge factor in that. And as your case proved, wearing a wig didn't make a difference.
Every child will go through some kind of teasing at some point in there life, sad but true. Changing who you are isn't going to stop that. If you enjoy wearing wigs then GREAT! :D go for it. If you don't, then don't feel like you have to change yourself. To be honest, I don't think it really matters what you do. I can easily see a young, little boy telling his friends about his mom because he thinks it's cool. I lived in a small town when I was younger and wore a wig for a time but everyone still knew about it. Living in a smaller town, I was never teased about it there because it was easier to educated everyone about it. I don't think it's our job to try and hide it but to try and educate as many people as we can.
You are so right Amber ! That is exactly what happened about two months ago. He told one of his best friends , who in turn started joking about it at snack time in school (they are 7 - 8 years old now). My kid got angry, gave out stink to the other kid and that was then end of the teasing. It was also the end of their friendship - my son decided the other kid was not a good friend if he took his secret and made a joke out of it.
So what I think now is I wear my wig , some people know and some people don't know (the ones that know I've educated) and my child will find a way of handling the situation that I can not predict.
Thanks to everyone for their input - its been a big help.
Just saw your post. Wish I could have responded earlier. I have two kids (age 12 and 8), and decided to stop wearing a wig, and transitioned to a scarf over the summer about 5 years ago. It was something I also struggled with, and shed a few tears (when thinking of how I was teased). I made the decision after much thought and discussion with my daughter who was 7 at the time). I pretty much said if anyone asks you, this is what it's called...and have them talk to me if necessary.... I then made myself very visible in the classroom and PTA. I can truthfully say that decision changed my life. I took a position on the council that actually made people talk to me. They couldn't avoid me, and once they looked beyond the "she might have cancer" image and got to know me, it made it possible for me to move through the process quickly.
My kids have never known me to look different, and I think having alopecia gives us the opportunity to give our kids the headstart they need to accept them others no matter how they look.
My husband is very supportive, and it's really a non-issue after all this time. Hope this helps.
So this is where we are at now ...
My son has tokd some of his friends, and when they come over I have a scarf on , if someone he hasn't told comes over I put my wig on.
He sorted it out with the friend who told everybody I was bald - took him 6 months to do it but now they are best friends again. That feels good too.
I've always told my own friends and workmates.
At home I've never had my wig on, unless there are " visitors " who are not close friends
In winter time if its minus 10 or colder then I'm outside with a hat on instead of a wig, and at the gymn its a BUFF - so I'd imagine some people know.
Finally, I'm always bald in my kids pictures . Sometimes I get 3 or 4 eyelashes on one eye , or half an eyebrow.... that seems to be what confuses people the most.
If they don't ask I don't tell but if they do ask then I tell them that I'm not sick, its just that every winter my hair falls out and its called alopecia.
So right now its like this : I wear a wig out in the world.
I decide who I tell and my kid decides who he tells.
We'll see what happens. he may get bullied, he may not, he may be able to resolve it or not.
Thanks for helping:)