What things do you hear when out in the world?

I love this web site. I just shaved my head about 4 weeks ago, so without this site, I could still be home afraid to embrace my beautiful bald self!

I read so many of your blog post, your comments, your experiences...

I learned to be ready to expect a lot of "Do you have cancer?" questions. Plus, many other inquiries.

Here, I'd like to start a running list of "Things We Alopecians Hear When Out in the World."

If we keep a centrally-located thread discussion here, new members can read and prepare for what may or may not cross their paths.

What have you heard from strangers:

1. While wearing a wig?
2. When not wearing anything on your bald head.
3. While wearing scarves?
4. Other?

Please add comments as they happen, too. Any prepared answers you have for a particular question could also be helpful.

I really think knowledge is power. Being prepared gives us strength to practice responses, or practice non-responses, right! Whatever our mood is at the moment, I guess! ; - )

Thanks for your insights!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yo soy on March 11, 2009 at 9:51pm
Nobody has said anything to me although im a guy and im sure this is much easier than being a woman with alopecia.

My nickname at work has become "patches". Doesn't really bother me.

In public nobody has said anything. Who wants to make comments to a 225lb bald man anyway? HaHa.

On a positive note. My motorcycle helmet fits a little better now than when i had hair...it was tight.
Permalink Reply by Yuko on March 11, 2009 at 11:44pm
I had a neighbor once who joked it was too bad I didn't have cancer. At least I would have a good reason as to WHY my hair was falling out :(
I know she meant well and really all I could do was to laugh it off uncomfortably. She was not a close friend by any means and I did not have the patience to explain to her why my hair was falling out.

My nickname is "Hat Girl," as I have amassed a HUGE collection of hats. My children are sometimes asked why I always have a hat on to which they calmly reply, "My mom likes hats." LOL.
Permalink Reply by Tnabugg on March 16, 2009 at 9:01am
I wear wigs mostly when with friends and no one has ever said anything to me.

When I am in a hurry and doing errands, I'll wear a bandana and I get people who ask me if I have cancer. I get a lot of stares but I try to just ignore it and do my thing and leave.

I am not comfortable going without anything covering my head at all.
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 19, 2009 at 7:05pm
I had a new one today...a man came up to me at a program at our synagogue. He hadn't seen me in a long while and didn't know I've lost my hair. It was warm, so I was bald (actually, the first time I've been bald at a large synagogue gathering). He looked at my head and asked how I'm doing. I smiled brightly and said "Great!"

Then he said "So....the big CA, huh?"

I answered "No, the big AA".

He's a retired MD, so he understood when I explained. Then he asked:

"So....nothing...down there?" glancing below my waist briefly.

!!!! I just smiled and said "That's right...no Brazilian waxes for me."

( ;-)
Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on March 19, 2009 at 7:46pm
what did he say next?

was that the natural end of the conversation?

Do you think he would have said the same thing if your husband was standing next to you?
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 19, 2009 at 7:56pm
Next, he started to tell me about a movie about World War II...nothing related to alopecia. Then the program started, and our conversation had to end.

I'm not sure if he would've said the same thing if my husband had been next to me...but he might have. He knows both of us, and he really didn't say it in an overly lecherous way. It was more of a clinical question from a former doctor, but still, it was a little weird.
Permalink Reply by Serina Doherty on March 19, 2009 at 11:08pm
The very first time I had to wear a bandana to high-school a couple of other girls in my class asked the obvious "Why?" so I told them about AA. I was slightly amused when they asked me if it was contagious :P
I got the nickname of "bandana girl" from a 1st year in the class I was supervising, but I didn't mind. On the other hand, another 1st year from that class asked me straight out did I have bald patches. He kept it discreet, fair play to him.

The only other comments I got was when I wore my wig a couple of months after that. And it was all the same question, and I had to try very hard not to laugh out loud every time this was asked. And it was asked quite a lot:

"Did you dye your hair?"

I spent a whole lunchtime laughing my head off with my friends who knew about my AA after that. :D
Permalink Reply by Skin on March 21, 2009 at 4:10pm
Many years ago during the 1980s & not too long after I'd accepted my AU, on a hot summer's day I arrived by motorcycle at a nearby shop. I was only popping in for a packet of cigarettes or something, so decided to keep my helmet on.

As I reached the front of the queue, the young lady behind the counter said, "Oh, I do envy you. Out on that bike on this lovely day with all that wind blowing thro' your hair..." - I couldn't resist it. I removed my helmet to reveal my completely bald bonce & we all fell about laughing... Her, me & all the people queueing behind me! - It was a really great moment.

Can't say I've had too many negative comments, but I think that's mainly down to how you cope with alopecia yourself. Personally, I don't give a monkeys about alopecia & I think that rubs off on others. If you don't care about it, nor do they.

The big secret is to be able to laugh at yourself & not take life too seriously. I do remember one idiot saying to me, "Wow, you have NO hair & NO eyelashes!" - My reply was, "That's very observant. Fortunately, the problems with MY head are on the outside!"

Enjoy life, with or without hair!
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 28, 2009 at 11:59am
I had a new one yesterday: I was at the San Diego zoo, in the reptile building which is a big square that you walk around to look in the exhibit windows. This means that the same people sometimes end up walking alongside each other for awhile. There were three bald guys...nice-looking 30 or 40-somethings, clearly not alopecians, just male pattern baldness guys who shave.

Anyway, I was walking near them for awhile (with a woman, not with my husband), and finally one of them said to me "I hope you don't mind my saying so, but I just told my friend - 'That's my kind of woman!'

He said it in a genuinely complimentary way. I thanked him and complimented him on his hairstyle.

Mary
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 30, 2009 at 12:18pm
Hi all. I'm posting this here even though I posted it already on the Sisterhood of Women Who Shave discussion. I don't have a clue how AW works in terms of whether people see everything or what they see. So, sorry if this is a repeat for some of you, but I think it fits this discussion:

I had another interesting experience today (March 29) at a Walk For Darfur benefit event here in San Diego. At the finish line of the 4-mile course, there was a large group of women drummers doing African drumming, and about 50 people standing and taking photos and applauding as people finished. I don't know why I did it, but as I got to the end and saw all those people, I took off my sunhat and buff that I was wearing. The reaction from the crowd was immediate - huge cheers and applause. Some women stopped drumming and gave me high-5's. All I did was show off my sweaty bald head!

Now, I think in all honesty that the reason people reacted this way was because they assumed I'm a woman with cancer who just walked 4 miles, and they were congratulating me on my courage and strength of will, etc. But, who knows? What do you all think? In any event, it was just another positive public reaction to a proudly bald lady.

Mary
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 31, 2009 at 5:05pm
Hi Susan,

This is a really typical encounter for me...it used to bother me a bit. Now it mostly makes me feel happy all over again that I don't have cancer.

Has anyone who is AU had any locker room experiences with being bald "down there"? So far, I've been somewhat shy about being seen.
Permalink Reply by Mary on March 31, 2009 at 5:24pm
Yeah, I've gotten to the point I really don't care. Besides, women pay hundreds of dollars for bikini waxes and still can't look this smooth! ( ;-)

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