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What men think of alopecian women
Well, not being a man myself , I can't exactly contribute to this discussion. But I would like all of you to. So, the inevitable question, what DO men think of us alopecian women? I know that most of you are biased, either knowing or being married to bald women, but I still want to know at least your initial opinion on it. And your opinion now. :) So. again, what do you think of us wonderful, and beautiful alopecian goddesses now, and what did you think of them at first? Please and Thank you!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Katherine, thanks for the compliment and encouragement. You need not alopogize for expressing what must be the heart's desire of most bald and alopecic women (and men). Cheryl and I were talking yesterday, and I mentioned yet again that I do not believe that anyone really wants to be "loved" for what they are, as you put it. Precisely for reasons that you so eloquently articulated, one of my favorite love poems is John Wilbye's "Love Not Me," which expresses a Pascalian desire for the kind of love that "hath reasons which reason doth not understand":
LOVE not me for comely grace,
For my pleasing eye or face,
Nor for any outward part,
No, nor for a constant heart:
For these may fail or turn to ill,
So thou and I shall sever:
Keep, therefore, a true woman's eye,
And love me still but know not why—
So hast thou the same reason still
To doat upon me ever!
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Permalink Reply by Rajesh Khandelwal on
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I think having a beautiful wife is more problematic. In most of the cases a beautiful female thinks of herself great rather then a normal looking female.
Most mans run after beauty with out knowing that it won’t last for ever. Those who are smart will not consider beauty important.
It’s no problem for me for a female with alopecia or if she has any spot on her face provided she should have a good kind heart, with a good power of understanding. Understanding is most important in any type of relationship.
I do not care at all for beauty.
Have a good day to all female members on this website.
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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I think a better question for this discussion would be this: For all the men on this site, what was your opinion of bald women BEFORE you either developed alopecia or were exposed to anyone with alopecia? How did you come to terms with what you felt/feel and what society's expectations are?
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Hi, YoKasta. If you don't mind, please use this same question to start a new forum discussion with its own title. You just raised an extremely important issue that should be discussed on its own terms. Thanks. - rj, Co-founder
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Click here to read and comment on YoKasta's new but related discussion, fittingly titled "What Changed Your Mind?"
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Please forgive me for being such a skeptic, but when you grow up in a society that values hair and people with hair above all things, hold said people up as models of youth, vitality, and virility, and then grow up in said society being laughed at, teased, ignored, and rejected because you don't fit the norm; then yes -- it's easy to be seen as abnormal for making the statement that you've always loved beautiful bald women. It's nice to hear, but hard to believe.
Again, forgive me for being just a bit suspicious of that statement.
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Permalink Reply by Katherine Green on
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I am kind of with Yokasta on this issue, i could`nt help but notice that some of the men who stated that they did not have any issues with blad women did not have any photos up of themselves.
And Gerhad is hiding behind his camera, for me it`s that fact that there are those those voyuer/festish men out there whom `get off` on the fact that we are bald. I have seen it in other groups before & i cannot help be be skeptical when some of these men make thier comments about us.
`Bald queens` indeed.
Yes, i know it is not ALL men, i am just aiming at that percentage who need to think about the human side of thier .............fetish
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Permalink Reply by Carol on
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If someone were here for fetish purposes how would you find out for sure without them admitting to it? I completely agree with you and have run into this in the past, it is creepy and it would be good to discuss how and what should be done in these situations. Many people are going through a healing or greiving process and don't need someone to make them feel uncomfortable. I've run into people in person that have had bald fetishes however I was always able to leave. This is ALOPECIA world and we shouldn't have to leave so we should make sure that this doesn't happen to anyone!
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This weekend my husband and I took turns shaving each others heads. Other than traumatizing our 9 year old sleepover guest, I was shocked and amazed later when my husband told me for the first time in 11 years that he loves my bald head. He said it's so nice and soft to touch and it looks good, especially since he can see everything I do to him. It took him a long time to get used to having an alopecian girl friend and to be completely honest, I think he's still getting used to it. It's quite an adjustment to go out in public with your girl while teenagers snicker behind you and it's only in his best interest to want to protect me. I used to think it might be because I embarass him but it's just that he doesn't want to see anyone hurt my feelings, he's just not aware of how used to it I am and he's learning how to ignore it too.
So although there are tons of men here who are willing to love an alopecian woman without much thought, it does take some men time to adjust to a new lifestyle. When it finally is accepted and acknowledged though it feels so good! I think I have an extra radiant glow today! :)
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Permalink Reply by Bob Hershberger on
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Hi Im Bob..As referring to what YoKasta said,which is a great point,I,being a man who's had AA for 35 + years,and look horrible with a shaved head,as not all men have the head for it,I was one who just went out with the patchy look..After 3 years of total harassment,stares,people thinking I had brain surgery or cancer,my experience was that I didnt even get any looks,except those to make me feel like a freak,or a basket case..Basicily the oppisite of the AA women..Im writing just to say,that women are just as discriminating as men,maybe more..I was ridaculed at every turn..Not one woman would give me the time of day,much less a date or anything even close,so my experience was that women were not going to be associated with a man with a patchy hair-do..I guess they didnt want to look bad or who knows..Im not a bad looking guy,so go figure..The only reason I posted this,is I dont want just men to get the bad rap,like women are so accepting of AA men,and men arent..I think both sexes are equally harsh..I truly thought I was never going to have a romance,or even a girlfriend..After years of dealing with that,I learned that what was inside of me(my spirit) was trying to assist me,and help me,which I let it do,(which took time)and have been on a spiritual journey ever since..I write music,which revolves around that spiritual origin,and also watercolor art,which also shares the same core..Dont get me wrong,I harbor no resentment,as I got over that many years ago,and I actually found a road that I would of never been part of,if it hadnt been for AA,so I truly believe that besides my Mom,and the birth of my son,AA was the best thing that ever happened to me..True story..So to all who read this,I would suggest to listen to your spirit,and learn to follow its instructions,no matter what..They will mostly not make any sense,as we know it,but if your diligent,you will find it's definitly a spiritual journey,that bares much love,happiness,and gratitude for life,and most other areas..
...keep the faith..give the love..share the happiness...I love each and everyone of you..Bob
ps..If you have any questions,I think I have a fair amount of knowledge on this subject,and would love to assist anybody who is on this route,and may have a thought or question..Hey,I spent many,many years untangling this mystery..No need for anybody else to have to do that,so ask away if you'd like..There's nothing to loose,and everything to gain..I dont think Im smarter or better than anybody else,but I hope I could save even one person,un-necessary grief or pain..Thanks for listening,and God Bless : )
Im very hesitatnt to post this,but its truth as I know it,so here goes nothing..I never got anywhere hiding behind the hedge,so once again,I'm WIDE open..for scrutiny,or whatever comes my way,and thats my life..I feel strongly that I cant be the only one with this story..I would also love to chat with others who have had this experience,and possibly wish to swap notes..Feels good..LOL
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I didn't make my statement so much as an indictment of the male of the species, because I know that women can be just as harsh, if not more so, than men can. However, for the record, I've always liked bald guys -- not even as a fetish, but because the bald look is actually a pretty sophisticated look, and most men who are bald wear it well. If you had hair you would look just as good to me, so it is what it is!
BUT, since this discussion IS about the male of the species, allow me to make my own PERSONAL observation about how men see alopecic women:
The overwhelming majority of men, with the noted exceptions of the men I've seen on this site (so far), do NOT like bald women, or women with thinning hair, or anything that according to society's definition is less than feminine. Those who claim they do (and again, I use that term loosely), are -- just like some of the other women here noted -- not really seeing us for us; rather, they are seeing us merely as objects for their gratification. Like the rest of us, I am NOT a fetish, or an object.
I don't paint all men with the same brush; however, I don't trust everyone with a Y chromosome that says they like me just the way I am either. I'm just as optimistic as the next person, but I think that optimism combined with a healthy dose of pragmatism and discernment can go a long, LONG way.
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Thanks..I just wanted the men to be represented,And I agree about your point,it is the person..The reason I posted that was that the subject was would a man want a AA woman if he wasnt AA..I thought I should represent!!..For reals,I think way to much attention is paid to hair,but I guess thats how our society is,Vain,and it doesnt look like its gonna change any time soon..Thanks for you comment...Thats nice what you said about my smile..Id love to share it in person..Back at ya..Bob
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