Dating

I was divorced several years ago before I got Alopecia which I have had for about 15 years. I really haven't dated for various reasons but recently a man at church has been showing some interest. At first I didn't reciprocate but lately I have been and he has asked me out. I wonder when and how I should tell him about the Alopecia, sooner or later, if there is a later. I don't want to encourage him if he would like to run the other way. He is a very nice man whose first wife died of Alzheimers and he treated her very well from what others in the church have told me so I'm not as concerned as I would be with another man but it still makes me nervous. She didn't have Alzheimers when he married her. I really haven't had to be too concerned about telling people about the Alopecia and only those close to me know for sure. It's not just about wearing a wig because it has changed my hot summer lifestyle. If anyone has any suggestions or encouragement I would appreciate it. I would appreciate your prayers too. Thanks and God bless.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Theresa on September 27, 2012 at 10:51pm

i didn't have a good experience with telling two christian men upfront about my alopecia on christian mingle...though i know the truth that god loves me just as i am,it's still hard...i cried myself to sleep.

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on September 28, 2012 at 8:29am

I'm sorry Theresa. It is very hard to tell people because you don't know how people will respond. I don't tell very many people. I've been dating the man mentioned in my Jan. 2011 entry. I didn't tell him about the AU at first because I just considered us casual friends. I really think that's the way all dating should start. It came to the point about a year ago when I felt it was the right time to tell him. When I did he said he already knew I wore a wig (which I'm sure many do without saying anything) and he didn't mind at all. He even mentioned some positive things about my condition which he does about any situation anyway. It hasn't changed our relationship and I think it has drawn us closer, more comfortable with each other. I think anyone who gets to know you and really cares about you, would accept you the way you are. Let the Lord lead you. Ask him to introduce you to people, even men, whom you can get to know and enjoy being with. It's definitely worth it!

Permalink Reply by Cindie on October 5, 2012 at 2:41pm

It has been my experience that "Christians" are the most judgemental when it comes to issues such as this. They have been known to tell people with various "conditions and afflictions" (not just AU or AA) that they are being "punished by God", or that they don't have "faith." Better you tell two drunks in a bar that you have a "condition." They would be more sympathetic.

Permalink Reply by Ann Wilson on October 5, 2012 at 3:00pm

I'm sorry you feel that way Cindie. It sounds like you've been hurt and I do understand as I have been too but it has been my experience that there all all kinds of Christians just like there are all kinds of people. Christians aren't perfect. When we get involved in a church or Christian group we get to know who can be trusted by the way they talk. Do they talk about other people and what do they say about them? As I mentioned in my last entry. it's good to start out casually in relationships, not giving too much personal information right away. I think people feel comfortable that way too.

Permalink Reply by Dj on December 10, 2012 at 2:55am
Hey. I'm a Christian man & I would give u this advice. First off, by what u said he didn't leave his wife to suffer when she was sick. That's the heart of a man of faith and a good man. I'm sure if he has showed interest in you that even if he found out u have alopecia, that it probably wouldn't make a difference. He obviously is attracted to u and likes u as a person I'm sure as well. As alopecian's we sometimes hide and become loners because we're afraid of someone saw the real true us ( meaning our true looks) not our spirit and soul. That we may get rejected. And rejection is a really scary thing. I, in fact have not asked a woman out since I was diagnosed over 6 months ago because of FEAR!!! But just be confident with who u are and own it...the more we act like there is no issue the less we'll get treated like so. Anyways, if he decides to reject you or not date you just because u wear a wig than he's probably not a true man of faith and someone who u wouldn't want in your love life as a partner anyways!!!.. I say go for it and pray about it...it sux being alone and letting alopecia run your life.i know cause I've allowed it too. But not anymore myself neither....

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