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How to start over with alopecia
My alopecia started about three years ago. It started with patchy spots and now it has diffused around the hairline in the front and the back with random patches throughout. I get occasional regrowth but often it is white and thin. I haven't gone out in public without a hairpiece or hat on in over two years. I really don't even like going without at home because I don't like looking into the mirror and seeing what looks like a zombie.
If I can't even look at myself in the mirror without discontent, how can I attract someone? It seems usually people are attracted to other people that seem confident and have accepted themselves. I obviously have a lot of inner work to do. Alopecia seems to have exacerbated my already existing low self-esteem.
Has anyone out there been in my shoes and found a way out? It seems a little overwhelming and hopeless at this point. I miss my hair and I miss feeling good about the way I look and feel inside and out.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by GardenJess on
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It is so easy to be down on oneself, isn't it? Being at a transition in your life may be an opportunity for you to work on what does give you self confidence. I'm not in a position to offer advice since I only lost my hair after being well entrenched in marriage, but I reflect back on my years of dating and wonder if hair loss would have been a big issue. I can see it being a big deal when a person is young, but I have known several men who, while they may have been delighted had a long legged, gorgeous, buxom cheerleader showed up at their door, really wanted someone to do things with, to be comfortable with, to make them feel appreciated, and perhaps even to be a mother to their (future) children. They weren't perfect (well, maybe one or two thought they were), and I think having an imperfect gal might actually put guys at ease. If you are in Santa Cruz, you are just over the hill from a lot of single men. :) If I were to go looking for a partner now, I think my lack of bio hair would be the least of my concerns, compared to being 47 with 3 young kids--aack. I think most people coming out of a long term relationship would have doubts or insecurities, whether or not their hair is all they wish it were. Hang in there.
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Hi
I am in a position here I am able to talk with and be helped by many ladies who have dealt with alopecia for a long time. Debbi Fuller is one of them and she has a great post on here called the 'Third date rule' ...read through that thread as it has some helpful advise.
You really do have to begin this process by working through your fears and dislike of your condition. I don't really believe anyone fully dislikes themselves....but I know for sure they hate alopecia. So, make sure you disentangle yourself from the negativity that this brings. Alopecia is life altering and I feel that it is helpful to work out what that means to you. Be proactive find the things about you that are wonderful, because without doubt you are not just your hairloss.
It takes courage to put yourself out there and I believe you will find that courage. Put your best foot forward and be the wonderful loving person I'm sure you are.
Rosy
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