Alopecia World
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Does (lack of) hair advice sound different?
Say if you asked for an opinion of whether to wear a wig or not, or a thought about how you look without it on.. Does it sound different to you depending on who responded to you?
Like you could ask your best friend or your mom/dad if you look okay without hair. And they'll of course say yes, because we do look good. But do you think 'Oh, they're my best friend/mom/dad, they have to tell me I look good because they love me. It's in their job description.'
But if you ask the same thing to your husband/wife/significant other, does the advice sound different because you have deep feelings for each other?
This happened to me the other day when I asked my boyfriend if he thought I should wear my wig to school again or not. And he said that he doesn't care, I look beautiful either way, but being bald makes me who I am.
My mom told me (pretty much) the exact same thing two weeks earlier, but it sounded so much more sincere coming from him and when making my final decision, I only thought about his response.
What do you think?
Like you could ask your best friend or your mom/dad if you look okay without hair. And they'll of course say yes, because we do look good. But do you think 'Oh, they're my best friend/mom/dad, they have to tell me I look good because they love me. It's in their job description.'
But if you ask the same thing to your husband/wife/significant other, does the advice sound different because you have deep feelings for each other?
This happened to me the other day when I asked my boyfriend if he thought I should wear my wig to school again or not. And he said that he doesn't care, I look beautiful either way, but being bald makes me who I am.
My mom told me (pretty much) the exact same thing two weeks earlier, but it sounded so much more sincere coming from him and when making my final decision, I only thought about his response.
What do you think?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nancy King on -
Hi Emily :)
This is something i think about no matter who i am asking. I would wonder if anyone on this site would be "brutally honest" (as i think of it). I think, as human beings, for most of us it's natural to not want to hurt someone else's feelings and to be supportive to others (especially when put on the spot). Now i have to emphasize, this is just how i feel. My experience is that no one has ever told me i looked bad, even when i shaved my hair down to about 1/2 inch and everyone could see where the problem spots were easily. What are the odds that all those people didn't have a different opinion, eh? So i think i've shifted my thinking instead. I don't ask anymore, ever. I just go however i feel comfortable at the time which is usually with whatever naturally balding hair i have, or a cap. I've just decided what one friend said to me made sense: It is what it is. Period.
It's not my problem how other people feel. I feel fine. (Well, actually some of the hair i have is beginning to grow out more and it's making my head hot. I'm thinking it's close to shaving it down again. I'm getting closer and closer to going totally bald. And the reason i haven't already is NOT that i'm worried about what other people will say/think. It's because i suspect that my scalp is not one of those pretty-skinned, smooth looking ones that i've seen so many of here. But one day, i'll take the plunge!!)
Do what's best for YOU :)
nancy
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Permalink Reply by Rodeli on -
Nancy, you could get a tattoo on your head! Actually, I doubt men who are bald care about the shape of their heads so why should we. But I can relate to how you feel. Mine is not so much the shape, but that I have scars on my scalp from surgery on my head a long time ago. But then I think it will just make me look more like a bad ass to have my scar. ;-)
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Permalink Reply by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on -
I think you are so right - I mean if you ask a friend you knows you are dealing with weight issues, for example, to be honest and tell you if she has noticed that you gained 10 or 15 lbs is she really gonna tell you - 'oh yes it is hard to miss - what size are YOU now anyway?' - Probably not!! People try to be supportive - and not knock you when you are down. I think it is the same with hair loss. How is it possible that everyone gets told on here that they look beautiful now matter what extent of their hair loss - some people surely must think that some do not look so great - but who is gonna say that - that would be cruel - so everyone says they look great. I am not suggesting that people give in to 'brutal honestly ' the word that stands out in that phrase to me is - brutal. I try to find something to compliment that I really do find attractive, your eyes are so pretty, you have a beautiful complexion, your smile is gorgeous, wow you are so in shape - but that is just my way of dealing with it.
I find it best to not ask about what I do not want to draw attention to - except my Mom who will be both honest and kind with me.
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Permalink Reply by Liz on -
I have noticed that my Mom seems to never be happy with my hair or wigs, no matter how they look. Since I know this, I don't take her comments very seriously. My son doesn't like for me to change at all, even for the better. I have to remember this if I ask his advice. You know what I have done lately that helps to give me the most objective opinion? Since I have a camera on my computer, I have taken pictures of my face with different hair, wigs and makeup and then I compare the photos. I believe that I am looking the best I've looked in years through this method.
Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on -
Why don't you think about what it is YOU really want for a change!
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Permalink Reply by Emily Jayne on -
I always do. This post was only for seeing if people notice the same thing I do when I DO ask for advice, this wasn't really a 'do I wear it or not, help I need advice' discussion.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffany Marie on -
Whenever I ask a friend or my significant other, in the back of my head I always think "Well they're just saying what I want to hear.." An answer from someone you know personally will always be a little biased since they know all the great qualities you have, ect. I never take my parents suggestions seriously but I can tell by their face if they like it or not, if I ever have questions about a hair choice I ask my sales rep at the wig salon since I've been going to her for so long I know she will give me her honest opinion (and not let me walk out looking like bozo the clown.)
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