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Alopecia and sexual orientation
What role has your sexual orientation played in your experience of alopecia? Not just from an anatomical or medical standpoint, but more so from a psychological or sociological perspective. For example, has being gay, straight or transgendered exacerbated or ameliorated the problem of living with alopecia in your particular social and cultural contexts? In other words, has being gay, straight or transgendered made living with alopecia relatively worse or better for you? Please note that I'm NOT asking whether living with alopecia is harder for males or females, but whether your sexual orientation has played a significant role in how you've experienced alopecia.
Tags: dating, female, gender, love, male, marriage, relationships, romance, sexual orientation
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Imbi on -
It is a nice topic. I´m straight and been with my boyfriend almost 5 years. I have been bald almost 8 years. I don´t wear wigs I like bandanas. I have experienced that when I´m not wearing skirt or dress people on streets who don´t know us have tought that we are gay, they give us bad looks or say something rude. It is just that I look more like a boy. It hurts sometimes but I know my man loves me just the way I am. Same time it is funny too.
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on -
Imbi, it seems to me that you've learned to take the stares in stride. Good for you. Life is too short to spend much time being offended. ;-)
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Permalink Reply by merita hinnant on -
I am also straight and in a relationship with a wonderful man; He luvs me for who I am no matter what====I have found that it really bothers me more so than him, especially if I go wigless; Not only do I have alopecia totalis, I am short for my weight (ie fat ...lol); so we got out in public and i dont wear my wig, we get some hard looks, snickkers, glares ----etc... My man ignores it and he tells me all the time how beautiful i am and that he wouldnt want me any other way than the way i am. It really bothers me and not because they think we gay but because ---- it make me feel less of a woman; that i'm not a real woman. I know that sounds crazy but its hard to be femine and sensual. Need some thoughts
thanks
me
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Permalink Reply by Gordon on -
I would say that being gay has made my acceptance of alopecia easier in some ways.
I grew up feeling a bit "different" to most other people, and learned to take that in my stride. Being gay was part of who I am. Later on, as I started to come-out to people, I was initially surprised that pretty well everybody was very accepting and cool about it. OK I did choose carefully who to come out to, to begin with at least, but as I grew in confidence I became less selective about it, and still never had any bad reactions. Even my parents, whom I'd dreaded telling at one time, were fine about it. So I eventually began not to worry about what other people might think of me.
So when alopecia came along, comparatively recently, I would say I took that in my stride too, once I found out what it was. The inner strength I originally found from being gay I think really helped me come to terms with my hair loss. Personally I'm really not too bothered what people may think about my appearance, or what it might suggest. That seems to have affected those around me more than it has myself. As I said, I was already kind of used to feeling comfortable about being different, I'd dealt with those feelings already.
One plus side of alopecia is that I no longer have to spend time and money on grooming to achieve a look not too dissimilar to the one favoured by many other gay men (admittedly without the stubble, or eyebrows, but hey it's good to be that little bit different).
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Gordon, I really like how you explained this. Jeff's new group made me curious about this matter, so I thought I'd start a discussion about it. I suspect that having to live with being "different" in the first place can certainly prepare one to live with alopecia. Thanks for sharing your insight. :-)
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Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on -
Interesting topic RJ,
I've been out of the closet as a gay person since I was 13.
I guess I went from 10% of the population to 2% of the population.
What do you think are the stats are for gay and alopecian?
I would say being gay has always made me a little different from the norm so I would have to say my sexual orientation has helped me with the acceptance of alopecia.
But no where close to what you and Alopecia World have done for me.
Jeffrey
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Jeff, my guess is that you share many of Gordon's sentiments and feelings. Am I right? Of course, I delighted beyond words that Alopecia World has done and continues to do much for you. :-)
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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on -
Another social adjustment side to the story. You can be heterosexual and have identity/adjustment problems of another sort.
When women grow up with curves there can be a lot of unwanted attention just for being how they were made. Boobs, hips, whatever. Many women interestingly experience some of the rudest comments about their physical attributes from other women. " Of course I remember you from last week......wink wink...who could forget those...." Many shapely women have been dealing with the internal/external of who I feel I am versus how other people are assuming I am based on attributes they have no control over.
So when "real woman have curves" to quote the movie and then grow up to develop alopecia, the bald look can actually be a relief so attention is now somewhere else.
Men may not understand what I'm saying, but I think the women it applies to will.
rj- if you think this is too off topic you can remove it to keep the thread on point
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Thanks for the reply, Thea. I don't think it's off topic at all. Indeed, even as a heterosexual male, I understand where you're coming from: Alopecia can serve as an undesired but somewhat welcome distraction that relieves some of the lookist pressure in other areas of people's lives. However, I can't imagine that, in this case, coping with alopecia per se gets any easier. :-/
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Permalink Reply by JoDeanna on -
Rj, I don't really think it plays much of a part. If you are gay, you are gay. If you are straight, you are straight. I think we give out strong vibes to whatever gender we are attracted to. They are also those that have chosen to move away from the whole mating scene and dedicate themselves to a cause or religion. Their vibes are evident also and they are treated accordingly. I find, as a straight lady, I sometimes feel like accentuating my feminitity in dress and not too high heel shoes, maybe some sexy lingerie even if no one sees it but me. Alopecia cannot change who we are in that respect.
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Permalink Reply by Martin E on -
Interesting topic!
It has been my observation for some time that baldness -- or, at least, the display of baldness -- is WAY more prevalent in the gay community than in the straight community. I mean, like, by orders of magnitude. In fact, in my home town (San Diego, CA) it is impossible to go into gay neighborhoods and not see bald/balding men by the droves (and by bald, I mean shaved or close-cropped hair AND distinct Norwood MPB). In straight/mainstream areas, I might see one bald head an hour. Maybe.
Is it that gay men are more prone to baldness at a younger age? I have never seen scientific evidence to suggest that the same hormonal realities that cause one to be gay also contribute to MPB. So perhaps it isn't that the straight men aren't bald as well... they may just be covering it up. But would this not fly in the face of the stereotype that gay men are more focused on their looks? Wouldn't they then be more likely to cover it up than straight men?
Based on my observations, I cannot imagine that hair loss is as devastating to gay men as it is to straight men. But then again, as a straight man, I cannot speak for gay men. What IS distressing to me is the fact that, despite what we read and hear from women who say bald men are sexy, I see no evidence of widespread acceptance. It seems that the follicularly-challenged hetero is given a very grim set of choices: Get rugs, drugs or plugs... or turn gay.
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