Comment by Tallgirl on July 19, 2011 at 6:47am

You just wrote a blog about your rude relatives. Don't let them affect you. Forget all about looks for awhile and get into a talent, a book, a job, a vacation, a correspondence with a good friend, a girl's day at the movies...because weight loss or alopecia hair growth can't be solved overnight. You may as well have some fun doing what you enjoy. Fun way to exercise? Walk through a state fair, tiny antique town, food or music festival, mall. Wear cool, flowing clothes, sunglasses and huge hat to make it fun.

Give to a person who is needier than you, even if it is to help a younger neighbor redecorate or plan a college shopping list, or helping an elderly neighbor with a garden. Get out of your room and your head for awhile...revisit yourself after you have a few adventures. You can always write letters or read near a fountain at a fancy restaurant, pretending you are in a French movie...get out there! Shop at some thrift stores while not in your usual clothes, so you spend less on the things that you will only be wearing temporarily. You can do this.

Believe me, when I first got AU and looked in the mirror, with my age, I thought I saw my bald GRANDFATHER looking back at me! Now, after buying some hot wigs and getting department store make-overs, and going back to college for more teaching certificates, I don't think things are so bad. My gripes are about job loss more than they are about my looks.

If this blog is your attempt to head in the right direction, then I am trying to give you ways to open doors to the world instead of that brick wall. By the way, I only go for three. If you are still unmovable at your next blog, then I will move on. I only have so many ideas. The choice to move your feet and your mind is yours. Don't forget counseling if you need it.

Comment by civilizedsavage on July 19, 2011 at 12:17pm

Well...first of all I didn't know my blog would spam out like that, so first I changed the settings ; )

I won't write here every day, and I won't write anything depressing here anymore because I am not trolling for sympathy, just a place to catalog my state of mind I suppose, because I actively plan on doing something about this depression to which my lack of hair is the root. Oh so punny. Curing it is not an option, so accepting it and changing everything else that it has seemed to cause, is the plan.

Crying about it in here is extremely unproductive to myself and everyone else. That will be a better job for the good old pen and paper journal. Counseling would probably be worth a shot, but it isn't an option right now. For now, eating right, exercising and pouring my rage into unrelated writing are the plan.

You're lovely and you're an inspiration.

Comment by Norm on July 19, 2011 at 1:02pm

Hey CS, - c'mon, you're not grotesque, you're just different, that's all. Everyone changes as they go through life - it's when you change quickly that it's tough to deal with. And it's fine to let off steam about it, 'specially on here, where everyone "gets" it. You're entitled to be having a tough time... everyone does, at some point or other. It's when you stay stuck in that depression and self-hatred that you're in trouble.

So feel free to share your thoughts on here, and let peeps who've already been there give you a hand, yeah? F'rinstance, I told Tallgirl that if she thought she was turning into Gramps, she should have a look at my pix.... and suddenly she didn't feel so bad ;)

Comment by Bk on July 19, 2011 at 1:24pm

Your post reminds of what I felt like for the first couple of years of my alopecia journey. After I finally lost all my hair and started wearing a wig, I felt like I had transformed into this person that I didn't know, almost overnight. I didn't look like myself and I certainly didn't feel like myself. I didn't want to do any of the things that I used to do, because a wig didn't seem to fit the activity. It was taking me hours, seriously hours for me to get ready in the morning. This was because I couldn't get ready in the morning without having to re-do my make-up at least twice due to the uncontrollable tears that came from all that mirror time. I was so disgusted with myself for wallowing in self pity, but at the time I really didn't know how to snap out of it. At that point, I was still obsessed with finding a cure and a cause. I went to a nutritionist and was assured that with the proper diet, of course my hair would come back. Yeah, right. Anyway, in my quest for further quackery, I called a healing intuitive. She had a whole list of supplements that would surely do the trick. Then at the end of our conversation she asked me, "what's your passion?", I was silent. She asked again, "what things are you passionate about?" I couldn't come up with a single thing. The closest thing that I had to passion at that time was being passionate about being depressed about my situation. That was a huge wake up call for me. Where did my passion go? How could I get it back? ...Well, it took awhile (about 5yrs) and a whole lot of very huge changes to my life...divorce, new job, moving to CA from CO, and getting rid of my wig, but finally I can say that I have passion back in my life.
Is inspiration the same as passion to you? I think you're on the right track, at least it sounds like the same track I used: eating better, exercise and writing. The only thing I would add, is to "do". Do more...of anything (positive) its distracting for your mind and takes up "wallowing" time, and it puts you in a better position for inspiration, and inspiration leads to passion.
I would also add that meditation has helped me tremendously lately. I've found a couple of great guided meditations online. I feel so refreshed and energized afterward, wish I would have started this practice years ago!
I know your rage and hope you find a way to fan the flames of passion and inspiration.
Wishing you all the gumption in the world.
bk

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on July 20, 2011 at 2:44am

I also think that you are actually in a good spot. Three months are all that you "wasted". The bigger question is what you are going to do for the next 3 months. You are already in the position to change directions. So here is my big cheer for you! You can do it girl, one step at a time.

There is a song from this group "Sounds of Blackness", the song is "I believe", it was a very important song to me at the time. They are a Christian Gospel group from back in the day, but their positive message is applicable to anyone struggling. But the part of lyrics came to me as I was reading your post:

"No need askin' where I've been, just ask me where I'm goin'"

You are going in the right direction, just keep stepping ;)

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