So did I find a wig?
Unfortunately not. Nothing was exactly right.
So what did I find?
Unbelievable peace of mind. The road ahead is long and I'm so far away from being where I want to be but today I felt I turned my attention to the right road.
The wrong road is where I am currently, driving full speed, it is where I feel ashamed about the hair loss, where I feel like it is all my fault somehow, like I did something wrong. That I will somehow be judged as less than human for having hair loss. But...
This is not something I chose, I did not pick alopecia. I did not pick androgenic alopecia or what ever form of hair loss I have. It is murky and unclear. It does not make me any less feminine. I have something genetic that makes some hairs on my head more susceptible to circulating androgens. Stress exacerbates these. Auto immune of sorts Something in my bod reacting unfavourably with something else in my body that I have less control over. Do you judge someone harshly for diabetes?
The right road: accepting that this is happening to me, and that is has, does not make me any less feminine or entitled to anything less that I deserve. And what I feel most entitled to is happiness and fulfilling relationships with those I love. And having courage. Courage to move past something that is without doubt the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me. ANd to have faith. Faith that I can pull myself out of this. That I am resiliant enough to deal with things that may come to pass.
That is the right road, the hard road, and the road I am willing to attempt.
That is what I got from my wig experience today
Thank you thank you thank you