Where acceptance is all there is
I have developed Alopecia Universalis. I am the 1 in 1 of 200,000 people with this condition. But I don't feel special, unique, or one of a kind right now.
I want to be the little girl I once was with fluttering, long, dark eye lashes that framed my pretty eyes. The girl with the brown plaited side pony.
Why me? I ask myself that now and feel a sense of guilt perhaps. Guilt or lack of gratitude for the fact that at least I am not sick and if I am not dying and not in pain, maybe I don't have the right to complain?
But here on this site for people like me who are affected with Alopecia and in the privacy of my home, alone here in my bedroom, I assure myself that of course I am allowed to have these moments of self pity, of mourning the loss of my hair.
Sometimes I wonder if I have brought this condition upon myself as since as early as 15 years of age I have suffered different mental maladies from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to the latest diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. What are other peoples thoughts on this theory? I have so many people ask me if my hair loss is due to stress that it is obviously a commonly held belief that stress is to blame.
And yes, I guess I do have high levels of stress and if I could I would change that but that doesn't change with the wave of a magic wand. I am trying. I want my hair to come back. What else I am going to do to my body due to my stress?
If I get cancer are people going to be insensitive enough to ask if it is caused by stress?
I don't feel as beautiful with no hair on my head. Losing my eyelashes this time around with Alopecia is a real kick in the face. I have been wearing false ones for when I perform singing but what a pain in the ass it would be to apply them everyday. That's not me, I can't be bothered, I'd prefer to line my eyes with eyeliner, thank god for eyeliner hey?!
I look in the mirror without my natural lashes and I look tired. I feel like I just want to be like everyone else and have my hair