So I have been bald since 09/02/10 and haven't worn a wig (except on Halloween) and I don't wear scarves. I have random strangers coming up to me telling me how beautiful I am and how well I pull off my "haircut". Well last night my step father says to me "Maybe you should buy a wig to wear when you go out with Jeremy (my boyfriend). He might feel uncomfortable being out with you without your hair, you should really think about his feelings." First off, I have NO idea where that came from. My boyfriend has been supportive the whole time and I have asked him if me being bald bothers him. He said "Its not like you chose to be bald, I didn't fall in love with you for your hair." I told my stepdad and my mom that after what Rick (stepdad) said, and he said "he's a guy, hes not going to tell you the truth." So I went up to my room and texted Jeremy asking him if me being bald bothers him. He called me and told me no, and I told him what my stepdad said and he told me to just ignore them. So now I'm feeling a bit confused. First my parents tell me to do whatever makes me comfortable, and now their telling me I need to wear a wig to make Jeremy happy... I honestly don't want to waste my money on something I'm not going to wear. I feel perfectly fine being bald, but now I feel like my family isn't OK with it. Like Jeremy said, I didn't choose to be like this, just like I didn't choose to also have Crohn's Disease. It just frustrates me that my parents are all supportive one minute, and then the next its like my baldness makes them uncomfortable. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do....

Views: 110

Comment by Tamara on February 28, 2011 at 9:53am
Thank you Tanya :) It's just frustrating because their my parents and I guess you usually just expect them to be behind you no matter what happens in life.
Comment by Mary on February 28, 2011 at 3:59pm
Tamara, it always makes me so happy to meet another woman who goes out without anything on her head. If only more of us would do it, it would become as UNREMARKABLE as bald men have become in public. Good for you!

I'm sorry you're having this experience - I had the same thing with my brother, my only sibling. When I first lost my hair 3 years ago, he wouldn't look at the photos I sent out to family and friends, and he was totally unsupportive as I went through the difficult loss. When I stopped trying to wear wigs because I couldn't stand them, he remained very negative on me going "out" bald.

I eventually confronted him on the phone (we live a long way apart) and asked why he was being that way. He told me that he thought I was being "political" or something like that with my insistence on going out in public bald! He thought I was just trying to make a feminist statement in my refusal to wear a wig.

I FINALLY got through to him in this way: I described to him in DETAIL how hot wigs are, how sweat would run down my face, and how my body heat was held in by having my head covered. I asked him how he would feel in a warm room, or while doing something physically active, if he was forced to wear a tight-fitting cap made of plastic or wool or hair! He got it. He said he gets warm, and his head gets hot, and he couldn't imagine having to keep his head covered when he was feeling that way!

This is simply an issue of equal rights, to me (okay, it IS political). No one (your stepfather included) would tell a bald MAN that he had to cover his bald head with a wig or other cover, particularly if he found it uncomfortable! Why in the heck should we be forced to be uncomfortable, go to the bother of dealing with wigs, limit our activities, etc., if we don't want to? What gives them the right?

I didn't ask to be a bald woman, but that's what I am. I absolutely refuse to live the rest of my life enduring the discomfort of a wig or even a scarf when I'm war
Comment by Kathryn Michael on February 28, 2011 at 5:40pm
Tamara,
Sorry you too have had to face someone thinking they had a right to tell you that you should be wearing a wig. I think though that parents generally just want to protect us - no matter how old we are.
I have been hair free AND happily wig free for the past year. I decided I had to do what was right for me and not worry about other people. If others can't cope with my beautifully shaped head - that's their problem not mine. Most people when I'm out and about are not looking at me as they are too caught up in their own world.
The more of us that get seen in public like this the easier it will get.
Remember God only made a few perfect heads - the rest he covered in hair!
Stay strong
Kathryn
Comment by Devin on February 28, 2011 at 6:02pm
Hey Tamara, I think you should do what makes you happy. Im sure your parents are just being worrywarts. If your comfortable with it thats all that matters.
Comment by Tallgirl on February 28, 2011 at 8:39pm
People really speak for themselves. It is probably that the wonderful Rick feels uncomfortable himself, and is projecting that onto your boyfriend. Maybe stepdad and his friends were talking about you...and Rick himself got teased. Maybe Rick doesn't have it in him to defend you, really.
Comment by Samantha V.P. on March 1, 2011 at 2:58am
Tallgirl, I totally agree about this. Rick should be honest with you. You can also check his behaving if he is walking next to you when you are in public. That is if he is going in public to places with you and your mam.
Comment by Samantha V.P. on March 1, 2011 at 3:03am
Tamara, everyone has the right to be happy with their appaerance. Being true to oneself is the key to happiness. Jeremy is a lucky person vice versa that you see eachothers innerspirits and what really matters is love...

Keep your focus on the beautiful side of Rick and let his ignorance turn to proudness...

Greetings from Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Comment by Tamara on March 1, 2011 at 7:05am
Thank you everyone for your support, I really do appreciate it. I talked to my mom about the whole situation and she said, "Ricks only trying to help". I told her to tell Rick I don't need his help, I'm getting by just fine, and I don't want anymore talk about my head, my hair, scarves, or wigs. It's my decision, nobody else's. I rarely go out into public with my stepdad (he works A LOT) but my uncle had a home and garden show this weekend and Jeremy, my mom, my stepdad, and I went to help out. There were a LOT of people there, and that was the night he said this to me. So maybe he did see people looking? I don't know, but also I just really don't care. I'm not trying to make people uncomfortable or make people stare, I'm not that kind of person. I'm also not the kind of person that feels the need to hide who they are. I'm bald and I'm not going to hide it.
Comment by Tamara on March 2, 2011 at 6:47am
The whole situation with Rick was pointless. I told them from day 1, I don't want a wig. I tried wearing a scarf the first day I shaved my head and I went to the mall with my cousin and I got more stares with the scarf than I do with my bald head. By the time we left the mall I took it off my head and never put it back on. I just feel like I should be able to be comfortable with the person that I am. I didn't choose for this to happen to me. Luckily I have a really good shaped head (I have heard that millions of times now). :) I just would hope if it really bothered Jeremy that much, he would tell me. Ive asked many times, so I'm not asking anymore. As for my stepdad, well hes just going to have to learn to live with a bald stepkid!

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