Alopecia World
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Moving forward, always bring about a time of reflection for me
On November 30, I was accepted as an US permanent resident. Although it was great news to know that I could now really start my life here. It also bought feelings of missing my family and friends back in Canada. It was as if it was a realization, even though I have been here for months!
Yesterday, my sister left me a phone message, asking for a special recipes that she wanted from me. During the message, she also updated me with the family’s plans for Christmas and how her and my mom did “our” annual Christmas shopping trip (without me). When I listened to the message, I actually shed a few tears in the middle of the grocery store.
I thought about how change can bring a sense of loss as you go forward to a new beginning and I related it to my journey with alopecia. It was not until I purchased my first wig and cut off the few remaining strands of hair that it really hit me, that I have alopecia and that my life was to change drastically. Even though I had been losing my hair for months, it was at that moment that it all became real to me. All the photos of myself no longer represented me, all my thoughts and even dreams had to be altered to reflect the new me that now stared back at me in the mirror. It was a time of loss, a time that I had to let go of the past in order to take grasp of the future.
I am now on the other side. Fully integrated into my alopecic self and no longer imagine myself with hair. My dreams, my thoughts, my visions are all with me how I am now. When exactly did that happen I am not sure, but it happened, as I am sure it has happened for many others here on Alopecia World.
What I do know is that I had to let go of my old definition of self in order to embrace the new one. Alopecia has a way of shaking your sense of self-worth to the core and leaving you in a place of realizing that perhaps your self-esteem was never really there to begin with. It is a time to rummage through the rubble and re-do your foundation, only this time to build it stronger and with more insight.
For those of you who are struggling, your self-acceptance may very well be on its way, just keep pushing. For those of you who have come through on the other side – rejoice and glean from it. You will need it for the next lesson, because you know it is coming ;).
Cheryl Carvery-Jones
Co-Founder
www.AlopeciaWorld.com
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Comment by Mary on December 4, 2009 at 6:45pm
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Congratulations, Cheryl! I can understand if it's a little bittersweet, though.
You expressed so well the journey we're on. I feel the same way you do. This is who I am now, and it's wonderful to know I'm not alone. Thank you again for Alopecia World.
Mary
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Comment by JeffreySF on December 4, 2009 at 9:38pm
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Having Alopecia is truly a journey that puts oneself to the ultimate test of self acceptance.
We are so fortunate to have this wonderful place called Alopecia World to enable us to grow.
Congratulations on your Permanent Residency! Perhaps one day the US Govt wont discriminate against my people and I would have the same "Rights" available to me. So there's my bittersweet vent for the day....
Big Hugz Cheryl!!!
Jeffrey
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Comment by Galena on December 6, 2009 at 9:50pm
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Cheryl,
Your words express the hopes of many of us who are empowered by our interactions here on Alopecia World.
Thank you for your vision, I've benefited so much from being here.
~G
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Comment by Melissa Harris on December 8, 2009 at 8:51pm
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Very well said! So many layers to the feelings involved. Sometimes, I just feel like a total mess. It's so hard for me personally to see myself differently. I'm glad to see that there IS some hope on the other side. Thanks Cheryl.
Melissa
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Comment by Tallgirl on December 8, 2009 at 10:47pm
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When my mom became an American citizen, the hardest part was having to say she would be willing to take up arms against Canada in a war to defend the U.S. Big decision....AYE? You will get used to it: now you are of two worlds, with a richer life than most. I am richer for all the holidays and visits to Canada over the years. And WE are richer for having had hair and no hair...both worlds.
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