Is it OK not to fully accept having alopecia?

I have had alopecia for a while as many of you know lol, but I still cant bring myself to say ' this is how i am now' I mean i see a lot of ppl fulling embracing their baldness, and loving it and all that sort of thing , but I cant help but feel like I'm missing something, and to be honest its quite annoying when ppl are all like ' this is me, now i love being bald because i can switch up my hair wig( but i do acknowledge that everyone is free to feel how they want about alopecia), there is nothing 'fun' about wearing a wig especially in the summer when the stupid thing can blow off and ur sweating underneath it . I have gone out bald on campus(just once) and to that modeling event , but it doesnt actually mean i have fully embraced being bald. It felt liberating yes, but the stares were annoying.As a female I'm not going to sit here and say yea i enjoy being bald, (and not having eyelashes/eyebrows or whatever), because I absolutely hate it. I also hate when ppl constantly shove the idea of going/walking around bald down my throat ( in the summer) when thats not what im comfortable doing, I mean its SOOO easy to talk like that when ur not the one going through it. i'm sick of hearing 'bald and beautiful' or 'hair or no hair you are still you' like just shut it because those comments really don't help.I'm just not comfortable w'/ myself anymore,if i wear a scarf ppl stare, a hat they stare. I only feel 'normal' if im wearing a wig, but the summers in dc can be sooo humid so that wont even be an option.

rant over! :)

Views: 35

Comment by Tallgirl on April 27, 2011 at 4:19pm
Who says you can't feel like you feel? No one has the right to tell you you can't FEEL anything, because our emotions do what they wish (especially if female. Try being menopausal!). Just take info in, respect others' rights to feel what they do, and ignore those who shove an idea down others' throats just to confirm to themselves they made a good choice. We have habits, history, family and expectations to contend with, plus dealing with weather, employers, lovers and the public. That is a LOT of unexpected burden brought into our little girl worlds. "Friend" who you want to "friend," and respond only to what encourages you and makes you feel safe and respected. I live in place with hot summers, but go where there is air conditioning. Problem solved!
Comment by R0BB on April 27, 2011 at 4:50pm
Hi Alexis - I know that alot of women think its easier to deal with Alopecia if youre a guy ...but regardless , allow me to vent a little also.
I have some of the exact same feeling as you described ... and I have for 30 years. I understand the looks the comments the
half hearted advice people give without really knowing or understanding first hand what we're going thru.

All I can say is that with time .... our condition gets easier to cope with .
It may seem like it will never happen but it does.
Im slowly getting sick and tired of caring what people think ... it happens as we get older ..really lol .
At the end of the day , I try and do whatever it takes to keep me happy. It doesnt work all the time
and when it does ... not too well either, but I keep tryin.

Remember - Alopecia isnt predictable
There are no rules
It effects everyone differently
So - deal with it however you choose.

Joining this website has made a major positive change in my attitude and outlook.
Hopefully , it'll help you too.

Theres power in numbers.

Comment by Kendal Rauh on April 27, 2011 at 5:35pm
Let it all out girl! Sometimes that's exactly what we need!

You're definitely not alone in your frustrated feelings. We all go through it in our own little ways. It's just a matter of what you feel most comfortable with and over time can be subject to change.

It's very easy for outsiders to try and give what they believe to be "helpful" advice, which, unfortunately, isn't always the case. All I can really tell you is try to take those comments and whatnot with a grain of salt and try to understand that they really are just trying to make you feel better or give you another perspective... no matter how annoying, they usually mean well. Yes, you'll have days when you see girls with their very own beautiful hair and want to run up and yank it "just 'cause" (or at least I have those days LOL) or even the opposite, when you see some of the happiest bald people that you think are gorgeous with no hair just because they are so carefree, you can't help but feel a little tinge of jealousy. We're all human and are entitled to our own feelings and opinions.

The bottom line is do what is right for you. Do what makes you the most comfortable. I know wigs can get uncomfortable, especially in the humid crap weather we tend to get in NOVA (howdy neighbor!!), but if that's what you'd prefer to do, then that's what you're gonna do. There's no rule that says you must do one thing or another when you're Alopecian. Hell, I've finally gotten to the point where I just go on how I feel that morning, whether it's a wig day, scarf day or if I just feel like saying "screw it" I'm gonna be a weird little bald girl today and anyone who has a problem can just suck it!

Just pinch your earlobes and say it with me "woooooooooooosaaaaaaahhhhhhh". One day at a time and I promise it will get easier as time goes on. You just keep doing you and it will all work out.

hugs n love
Kendal :)
Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on April 27, 2011 at 5:56pm
You could always do what I do: Get a COMFORTABLE bonded hair system that stays on all the time and pretend you're normal, no going out bald, end of story!
Comment by Mary on April 27, 2011 at 7:01pm
Alexis, I'm glad you posted your feelings. As Kendal says, whatever works for you is what's right for you. I have accepted my baldness because that's what's worked best for me, emotionally and physically (I get WAY too hot with anything on my scalp).

I sure don't love it, though! I'm trying to love it, trying to see myself as beautiful and "normal". Sometimes I get there, sometimes I don't. Most of the time, I just don't care about it anymore.

Take it a day at a time, take steps that you can handle, and be proud of every achievement!

hugs,
Mary
Comment by Helen Rose Kaplan on April 27, 2011 at 11:00pm
Alexis, I think the part of this blog that stuck out the absolute MOST was where you were talking about the fact that even when you would wear hats, you'd still get questioned. After I got diagnosed with Alopecia and more and more of my hair started to thin and eventually fall out, I would wear hats-just two. They were bucket hats-each a different color. I didn't have very much luck finding that many hats that would actually cover up my ENTIRE head practically so I had to go with that I could. Anyways, getting back on subject, people that knew me were very well aware of the fact that I NEVER wore a hat in my life (especially on a daily basis like I had been after my diagnosis). I got TONS of questions and comments about it, but soon just got used to it. After a while I even accepted the fact that I had lost a lot of my hair (other than head hair) and in small steps I'm not starting to go out in public without a wog or anything. Not saying that you should or have to, but in time you never really know what you can do or would want to do. Just take things in small steps and each day at a time. You might surprise yourself! Good luck:)
Comment by Lola on April 28, 2011 at 2:05am
I get you 100%. I'm 22 - have had alopecia for about 2 years and am about to make the transition to a wig (i have about a 3rd of my hair and have become very crafty with bobby pins)
I still have trouble telling people i have alopecia. Sometimes i say i have an undercut and people just think i'm edgy! haha.

I saw a gorgeous Scottish girl on yourtube who has an alopecia beauty tips dvd out. She was talking about how as a young woman you want to feel pretty. Don't get my wrong bald is beautiful. But when people are asking you constantly "is your hair supposed to be like that" it gets old.

Just because you can come to terms with something doesn't mean you have to love it.
Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on April 28, 2011 at 8:50pm
You are allowed to feel whatever you wish, and know that there is no right or wrong and timeline to acceptance. It took me 28 years !!!! to get to any sense of acceptance. Don't be hard on yourself. Others here offering the " bald is beautiful" do so to remind all of us that indeed it is true. Even when at the moment it is the last thing you want to hear. A little of that sentiment will always stick even at our lowest. We are all here to be supportive.
Comment by onekeylady on April 29, 2011 at 6:52am
It is ok if you never accept the fact that you have it, no one can change your feelings, however there are a lot of people that will help you get through the day, when you feel like letting them lend you a shoulder or words of encouragement when you feel like hearing them. Those days, just try and find something good to take the "edge" away. Remember those that have embraced their baldness, have accepted the fact that they can't do anything about it, it is what it is, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they wouldn't want a head full of hair. Some may appear to have accepted it, but it may be that they just have become accustomed to what appears in the mirror. Being positive and accepting something negative in your life takes a lot of ongoing practice, work and strength.
Comment by Alexis on May 2, 2011 at 11:35pm
@ tall girl lol even w/ ac it sucks. @robb, you know i actually thought it was easier for guys, but its not especially if in elementary-high school, kids can be MEAN!

@ dominique where would i get one that insurance would coveR?
@mary i'm trying, but i hate how i look bald but THEN i get too hot too!
@kendal its not so much as trying to make me feel better its ramming their own opinion down my throat, theres a big difference but i guess they dont see it like that.
@ alice awwww, sorry about ur dad, hearing how he was ur rock is sort of making me tear up :(
@helen rose, i ve gone w/out a wig before but now i feel like i just cant do it, i dont want to :/
@poppy, thats true i never thought of it that way til today, i was telling my friend that just because i take pictures bald doesnt mean i love it....
@terri wow 28 years?! when did u finally said ' hey im just going to accept myself as i am'?
@onekeylady it does take alot of practice, ive been trying but sometimes i just cant deal, there are worst things than alopecia but its not like i am not going through something at all and sometimes pp forget that

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