I really need something positive in my life

So I think the vertigo has about run its course, I just get random spins that last like 15 seconds, which I can deal with. The migraines are finally lessening with the meds I take everyday. I have to go on the 5th to have a MRA on my brain with contrast, because my neurologist wants to check the blood vessels in the back of my neck. On top of that, today, May 2nd, marks 4 years since my dad passed away. I have for the past 4 years went to Arlington cemetery on the day he passed and his birthday, and other times as well. I still can't drive, so I can't go today and I'm so upset about it. I have a picture hanging in my room of my dad and under it, it says October 19, 1957 - May 2nd, 2007. My mom and step dad were mad at me yesterday because I was being quiet and "stand-offish" so when my mom came in my room I pointed at the picture, told her to read the bottom, and to leave me alone. She forgot...which made her and my step dad feel like crap, but its not like I expect them to remember. My mom and dad divorced when I was 12, and I'm 26 so it's not like my mom was part of my dads life when he passed. Then my step dad keeps pushing these damn wigs on me. I DONT WANT TO WEAR ONE. Their not my thing. I'm fine with nothing on my head. If people have a problem, they can look somewhere else. My stepdad seems to have the biggest problem since he mentions them ALL the time and it doesn't help my self-esteem at all. My mom said she literally told him to shut up about the wigs...hopefully that works, because I'm SO tired of people trying to tell me how I should be and what I should do. I've lost 30lbs from being sick and a few clothing sizes, and now all my family does is tell me when I feel better don't start eating a lot and gain it all back. THANKS guys. I though family was suppose to be supportive? I think all of this together is going to make me go CRAZY! My short term disability is up and I get to go back to work on Monday, and I am SO excited about it. I know I won't be 100%, but at least I get to get out of this house and back to my life of work and my friends, people that support me. So now that I complained about my life....hope everyone is doing well :)

Views: 25

Comment by R0BB on May 2, 2011 at 5:14pm
Hi Tam -
Its unfortunate that you were unable to visit Arlington today , but Im sure your Dad would understand the circumstances and all youve been through recently. Go there when you can .

Seems to me that youre right on track with what you want. You know you DONT want to wear any wig ...and the rest of the world can go pound sand if they dont approve. I respect you and envy you for your strength. Im gonna be shavin my coconut soon and when I do , my confidence increases and I dont take sh%%t from anyone.

Youve lost 30 lbs .... isnt that what makes you chicks feel good ??? lol
Seriously , Im sure you'll do whatever it is you want about it ... again the pound sand thing if anyone disapproves .

Youre not alone in the zero or negative support catagory .... Its been my deal forever , Im used to it.
Once your back to work ... you'll feel better .

Hang in there and .... heres a prescription for ya ....
- R0BB

Comment by Tamara on May 2, 2011 at 5:42pm
Thanks everyone.
Comment by Tallgirl on May 2, 2011 at 6:59pm
I moved withing months after college. Maybe you can plan to do that...closer to Arlington?
Comment by Tamara on May 2, 2011 at 7:03pm
with my medical bills and how expensive Northern VA is, I cannot afford it...if I could, I would already be gone.
Comment by Julie Koch on May 2, 2011 at 9:15pm
I think that you are handling all that you are going through with such grace... I am so sorry about your father. It sounds like he was a very important person to you...as is mine. I think that you REALLY know WHO you are and what YOU want for yourself. Don't let the negativity and ignorance of others stand in the way of your happiness. I think that going back to work will be good for you. My doctors have been begging me to take off work for a bit and get some help in the hospital but I KNOW myself and being at work keeps me busy and makes me feel like something. I still may go into the hospital but I will know when I need to go. Just keep on being YOURSELF and live the life you want. I would try to talk to your step dad if you haven't already. He may think he is helping but he needs to know if he is hurting you by his actions and words. A parent will always try to help even when they don't realize they may be doing more harm. My mom did that to me the other day and I am still trying to forgive her in my mind. I love her and I have forgiven her in my heart but my mind doesn't forget... Hang in there and I think you are doing great!


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