I don't know why my mother thinks I am making her suffer

Everytime I talk to mom about my state, she goes like "why are doing this to me? Why are you making me suffer so bad?" But I am not making her suffer, I just don't know why is she thinking like this, ever since my father had died two years ago, she started acting so nervous and putting blame on me having this disease... She has this weird thought that I am making my hair fall on purpose to get her attention and to make her suffer. I just don't see the point in this, instead of feeling less stressful and more relaxed, I feel so depressed, I was fine before dad's death just fine, but after his death I got the Alopeacia back and it was more severe than before, so she's not the only one who's feeling the gap that dad left.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

Views: 903

Comment by Michelle on May 9, 2013 at 3:26pm
Hi Yuri, I have somewhat of a similar situation with my mom. When this first happened to me last year my mom was so weird about it. It was like she couldn't be bothered with it. Everytime I would talk about it with her she would say the same thing, Its just hair! Atleast you dont have Cancer!!! I got so sick of hearing that! She made me feel guilty for not coping with it better and faster. She was always mad at me for no reason and I just couldn't understand it. I still dont, but one thing I have learned is that there are some people you can talk to about it and there are some that you cant. It also made me more sensitive to anyone who came to me with a problem. It's sad that sometimes when we need our moms the most they just dont come through, but thats ok! Hopefully there are people in your life who do come through for you, those are the ones to talk to about it. If you're having a particularly hard day, come talk to us!!! We know what you're going through girlie!! You're not alone. :)
Comment by Dena on May 9, 2013 at 3:38pm

My heart breaks for what you are going through. As a mother of a 6 year old with AU, I hope she never feels this way. It is hard for parents who have kids going through this, but I would never blame my daughter. It is beyond her control. Unfortunately it is also beyond my control as a parent. That is really hard for a mother who is suppose to make every thing better. I hope I am supportive with my daughter, but I am sure there will be times where I just don't get it since I have never walked in her shoes. It sounds like you need support and it might mean looking for it outside your family since your mother sounds like she is dealing with some issues with your dad's death. Maybe a support group will help. Try to remain strong. I have a feeling that some day your Mom will regret her actions and I hope you two can find some peace. It is definitely not fair to blame you.

Comment by kay on May 9, 2013 at 5:16pm
Hi your mum must feel real bad but can't express her feelings correct. If you need to talk to someone do you have any close friends or teachers at school ? I found my family very supportive all the time but I know felt sad that I have aa. I felt better sometimes if I spoke to strangers I am not sure where your from or your age but talk to people on this site as we are all going through the same thing n feelings and have all adapted our life over the years to cope xx
Comment by Mara on May 10, 2013 at 3:32pm

Sorry your mom is taking her grief out on you.  It's hard enough to live with alopecia without all the other people's weirdness.  I hope she gets over it soon, or gets some support.  May you also find peace over losing your dad.  Take good care.

Comment by Bonnie on May 11, 2013 at 10:34pm

I am both a person with alopacia and a mother of teenage girls.  I'm so sorry that you and your mom are having to deal with your dad's death.  I had areta alopacia, spotchy baldness, and for a few years, most people didn't even know.  When I had a number of miscarriages trying to have our little girl, I had genetic testing and found out I am a translocation carrier, hereditary from my family.  My DNA is scrambled and the spot on the 7th chromosome has been linked to alopacia in a number of people.  You have alopacia because of your genes, not because of your choice.  When my family had something devistating happen, the stress was too much on my body and in no time flat, I went from spotchy baldness to total and complete baldness.  Alopacia is caused by a number of things.  But it sounds like the stress of losing your dad has taken its toll on your body and hair.

I hope you and your mom can work through all this together.  I hope you both will be able to be a strength to each other as you come to turns with your grief.  But you must come to terms with your alopacia.  You are beautiful, just the way you are, but trust me.  It takes time to really realize that.  I have started a blog at www.bonniefrazier.wordpress.com and I try to share how I came to be able to go bald, no wigs, and feel happy about myself.  I would love to be able to help you through this.

Comment by ketaki on May 16, 2013 at 5:29am

dont worry dear.......everything will be alrite 1 day.....may god bless u....!!

Comment by Fatimah on May 16, 2013 at 8:14am

my mom is the same sometimes..i feel like she listens but doesnt hear what i'm saying & no one really understands how hard it is coz they dont have to go thru it & i dont really speak or complain about it coz i dont wanna trubl others with my problems

Comment by Bonnie on May 21, 2013 at 6:19am

I didn't even know there were other people like me when I first started losing my hair. I wish I had. Fatimah, you said you don't really say anything about how difficult having alopecia is because they don't understand. I didn't lose my hair until I was an adult and mother, but I think it is natural to feel like that about anything challenging you are faced with. I'm glad we have a support network of people who do understand. Some of us have already been through the challenge and in our own unique way have found how to have a great life. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And here, you can talk all you want about how hard it is.

Comment by LilyPants on July 12, 2013 at 8:39am

Wow, do we have the same mother? I don't have Alopecia but my 2 year old son does. When my mother called and said "we have to get rid of this alopecia thing before Kindergarten" I replied that I was a bit insulted at her assumption that we are not doing all we can for our son. This was followed by an hour of "why are you doing this to me?!!?!." I know that it is hard. It's really tough that your mom cannot be there for you right now and is handling it less than friendly. Just know that you are not alone. If you ever need anybody to talk to, this board is here and you can feel free to talk to me if you need to. You can facebook me "Lily Winograd." Sometimes it's good to let out your feelings to a complete stranger. I hope that everything turns out alright.

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