Sadness... swiftly pierces through my flesh and rips away at my insides. I am so consumed with the internal pain that has taken up a permanent residence deep within the core of my being. The mask i wear that displays a warm smile is beginning to shatter, and the broken insecure woman within is starting to resurface. She is angry, she is hurt, and she is crying out for help...or at least some form of peace. In my mind, i am a prisoner in the coldest cell you could ever imagine. This place is so empty and lonely. When i look in the dirty rusty mirror, i can barely recognize myself. Realizing that i am falling apart, that my beauty is diminishing with each passing day because i am going bald, has caused me to detach myself from life. Breathing..walking..talking.. existing, is all i do. My soul and my spirit, have died, and i am left here, begging for the angel of death to take me tonight. "Let me not have to endure this struggle anymore, my god of mercy and love, let me..your child...come home."
To much to live for...to many people that "care" and "love" me...is what i am told. But do they know how i feel EVERY morning? Do they know that i am ashamed to be seen in public and i hate when people look at me or tell me i am pretty "even though i feel like a walking sad story"...that my chances of finding love are now very slim due to this "issue" and that i wish to be put out of my misery? I have been through many things in my life...things that people may not even imagine...but i can only take so much. I am not superwoman, and i am not invincible...soon...i will break. I just want a shoulder to cry on, some one to hold me while i pour out my sorrows, a listening and understanding ear, and support. I don't know where i will be in the next 5 years or even the next year, but whatever my fate shall be i hope it is not spent here on this earth..i don't even want to be alive anymore.