wow it's been forever since i've been on here. sorry. well there's no way in hell i could describe what happened with tommy because it's kinda pathetic and im still hurting over it. to make a long story short, we started drifting and with each passing day of silence my depression deepened. we're not friends anymore, i haven't talked to him since his birthday when i said "happy birthday" and that was april 2nd. i really got depressed, not even kidding. i got into some stuff that i shouldn't have and i'm still working on it, and it's one of the hardest things i'll ever do. im having issues with eating. i swear half the time i look like a whale. so i'll go a day or two without eating a whole lot. i started hiding the protein bar my parents gave me in the morning. my friend kyle found out about it and he said everyday that i don't eat lunch he wont talk to me. i kind of have a thing going on with him, but nothings official. we fool around and i really care about him, but we both still hurt over our ex's so we're not making anything set in stone. and the "stuff" i got into over the winter, i might as well just specify. i started cutting. im not proud of it. and i'll admit, i was doing it for attention. i was trying to fill the gap that tommy left. i was testing everyone else in my life, probably because i was scared of them leaving too. tommy said he cared, because i confronted him about it. but he sure had a funny way of showing it. he started making fun of me for it. he said "idk i guess it's just my way of telling you to stop." ha! like i'll believe that. he's been lying to me from the start. he's never really cared about me, he never really loved me, i was just someone to talk to when he was bored. he rarely, if ever, talked to me at school. many times when i see him at lunch or in the hallway, i just wanna sink to the ground and cry. but i got a little bit off track. kyle told me that if i did anything (cut myself) then he'd end up in the hospital. because he'd do it so deep that it would be needed. (btw he's 15) yeah i made him stop cutting. and doing pot. and drinking. yeah he was pretty messed up before i came along. but he's pretty close to being on track now. my scars still haven't faded. i count 22 that i can still see on my wrist. my mom found out and i sobbed for two days. well i'll say more in my next post. guess i didn't really make that story short, but compared to the full version, it is. please comment. bye.

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Comment by Tallgirl on May 30, 2009 at 1:42am
Hey, Courtney, I already know you are soooo funny because we have talked a lot (maybe when I had my other user name). Never be too proud to get a counselor through your school, church or community. You may need to get more kinds of food into your system for the hair growth, too. You will meet a ton of guys in the next 10 years, especially in college. Heal up before then, and avoid the guys who encourage destructive habits in these teen years. For all of us here, go with your mom to get the doctor and help, okay? You are a leader type, and people will follow when you choose the healing, safe path.


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