I'm honestly tired of people around me saying "you're still pretty" The point is I don't feel that way. I don't even feel like me anymore. I feel so lonely. Just a few years ago i was 80lbs lighter, working out in the gym and had a full head of hair. Now i'm overweight, depressed and have to wear wigs to leave the house. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. If i don't like myself how can anyone else? I had a boyfriend a few months ago but he didn't understand what i was going through. I'm made to feel like i'm making a big deal about my situation. People around me just don't understand where i'm coming from. I want to cry everytime i see a woman with the hair i used to have. Before this i was going out, having fun, dating. Now I mainly stay home to avoid how i feel. Its just making me more depressed. I'm turning 28 in November and this is not what i thought my life would be like. I want to feel normal again. I blame myself for choosing to go through the radiation. IF i didnt go through it, i would still have my hair. The tumor was gone, I didnt have to do the radiation but i did. I don't want to feel like this forever :'(

Views: 88

Comment by Tallgirl on September 4, 2011 at 5:16pm
"making a big deal about my situation:" Well, most upset people DO! And most people who want uplifting conversations 90% of the time DON'T. So...be the actress for THEM (maybe even 95%, so they can be more assured you will talk about something else...like, THEM...if they spend time with you), and save the esteem stuff for your journal, therapist or poetry. Pretty is in the eyes, the smile and the voice...the three things that pretty much stay the same and make us recognizable into old age.

The New You has just as much right to be here...maybe even more than some folks walking around on this planet. Are you sure that staying HOME helps you AVOID how you feel? Seems to me you are NOT liking staying home. You HAD to choose all you could to eliminate a tumor, so right there is not "normal" for many folks your age. You COULD hang around people who went through the same thing, go to groups at hospitals to discuss feelings, meet gals at wig shops and go out for make-overs and lunch, join alopecia support groups, and talk on this site so hair loss BECOMES your "normal." Those other gals feel the same way, as must younger kids facing hair loss. What would you say to encourage your own hypothetical daughter if she developed hair loss?

Okay, so what you THOUGHT your life was going to be like (and who made you think that? Parents? Media? Grandma? Fairytales?) has now changed. It has also changed for the people who just lost 5 generations of belongings when Hurricane Irene demolished their house. They now have to move, rebuild, stay with others, buy totally different belongings, etc. However, YOU have all your possessions and comforts. You are not the only person who has to create a new "normal" in life.

That strange woman out there with long hair may be a Bimbo or have terrible hygiene. You can make up anything gross you want to about her or her intellect if you need to feel better, but you could also list your own strengths and find 10 ways (Not just one: ten. At least!) to develop each by November. Your birthday could be a celebration party with a best pal or Aunt of something you accomplished. Forget the men until you can keep a smile on your face of your own accord. People are attracted to confidence and humor.

Of course not many people get what you are going through, because they haven't been there.
Of course many people love zaftig women, because we are not threatening...especially when we smile.
Of course you have had to make bold choices. You can still do that, just about more things now. What are ten cool things you can work on before November? For age 58, I picked a hot new wig I NEVER would have bought in the past, and then went to a Porsche dealership to get cheesecake photos of myself taken by the salesman (I had on sunglasses and a nice jacket for some pix, and posed flirty without the sunglasses in others.). Those are the photos I had fun sending to friends and putting on Facebook and here! See? It takes creativity to invent a New You! Go for it! Brainstorm with a fun cousin or Aunt! You can do this, no matter what weight!
Comment by FANCY1024 on September 8, 2011 at 3:44pm
Good afternoon, we all know what you’re going through. I've had the same feelings. All my life, I've been told how pretty or beautiful i am. All of a sudden, there are bald spots. I felt so ugly and thought people were staring at the bald spots. No matter what my family and friends said, I just didn't feel pretty anymore. This is normal. It helps to get into a support group and don’t be afraid to go into wig shops and look around (make an appointment so they can spend some time with you). Try some wigs on. It’s so much fun. I've done a lot of research on Alopecia and have gotten a lot of advice on Wigs, Wiglets, ect. A lot of people on this site seem to recommend the Freedom Wigs for people who are active and athletic. They are supposed to stay on no matter what activity you are doing and they say they look completely natural. If I lose all my hair, I’m going to try them. I’ve got Alopecia Areota and have 3 pretty large bald spots. I bought a wiglet and since I’ve started to wear it, I feel so much better about myself. My confidence is almost complete back. I’ve actually ordered a couple of wigs and I’m looking forward to having fun with them. If you need someone to talk to, please contact me. I’m always here for support. This site has helped me more than I can say! Di

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