So I went wig shopping (hear the "psycho movie" song in background). What an odd experience. I dealt with someone who wasn't doing this very long and went to a store that had very little in terms of selection, but it was okay. Here were the overall feelings.
1) I didn't bawl like I thought I was going to...instead, I just opened my mind to the idea and tried on different cuts, colours etc.
2) I laughed (never expected that!!)...the lady put an "old lady" wig on me since it was the only one that was my "large head" size, and wow, did it look hilarious!!! My sister freaked out as I looked like my mom...not that that's a horrific thing...but it is weird to morph from a 33 year old to a 65 year old in a matter of seconds.
3)I tried on a long blonde wig (for the hubby's dream)...not a blonde...shucks
4) I tried on a synthetic and human hair wig in my colour...they actually weren't bad.
My fears are still that I won't find something that will fulfill my active lifestyle. I REALLY love the look of the vacuum wigs so I might start saving up. But for everyone that is just starting down this road of AA like myself, the fears of wearing a wig, hiding our heads etc. is real but, the reality of our situations isn't all that bad. Trying on wigs was almost like a step towards acceptance for me. It helped me get over a fear of "I'm going to be ugly, artificial, not myself". I was me...just in different hairstyles...nothing had changed.
Now, granted, this procedure went on for all of 45 minutes...but it was a start. It helped. I'm just hoping that I can continue towards loving myself without hair, but in the meantime...it's time for me to experiment with the hairstyles I've always wanted.
Cheers and keep smiling