Even the hairs of your head are all numbered

I posted this note on facebook on the day I shaved my head just a few weeks ago. I needed support from my friends and family at that time, but now I am reposting this here so I can give my fellow alopecians some hope and peace about this condition that we have no control over.

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
- Matthew 10:26-31

I have struggled with Alopecia Areata all my life. God has numbered the hairs on my head. He counts every hair with me as it grows in and falls out in cycles. As a child, I struggled with my appearance. Eventually I accepted my condition because God is in control.

But for the last several months, I have been feeling depressed.My hair is the thinnest its been since I was three years old. I decided to wear a wig to conceal my hair loss. This made me feel better about myself briefly, but it made my hair loss even worse. I still have to see myself put the wig on everyday to cover up and conceal my appearance and my sadness. I forgot that God blessed me with this condition so I could use it as a testimony to help others. I am posting pictures of myself without the wig because I need the truth to be known. I am not ashamed. I am not afraid. I have always been too scared to shave my head entirely, but today God gave me the strength to finally do it.

I may or may not choose to wear a wig but it will not be to conceal my sadness anymore. God has given me joy and freedom.

I am not afraid of them and I will speak the truth in the daylight. Because the very hairs of my head are numbered and not one of them falls to the ground against the will of God. I am not afraid because I am valued by God.

Views: 23

Comment by Jenna4 on May 13, 2010 at 12:21pm
Thank you for this post, Sarah. I have been struggling with the issue of hiding my alopecia from my co-workers, I feel like I am living 2 separate lives. I've only had AA since February 2010 and shaved my head about 6 sweeks ago. Since then, I have been wearing a wig to work and no one knows. At home and around friends, I am the real me. For some reason I feel as though I need to maintain some sort of image here at work and don't feel like I can be myself.

Your post points out everything I, too believe in - that God gave this to me for a reason. I just can't get to the point of total exposure. I am hoping to some day, and stories like yours helps.

Thanks!
Comment by Connie - Chris' Mom on May 13, 2010 at 12:28pm
Thank you for the inspiration today. I have to remind myself daily that God has everything under His control. Knowing and believing this is what carries me through difficult times. Our family has endured quite a bit in the last year or so, with my son's alopecia being just one challenge. Without the confidence that God has a plan, I know there are days that I wouldn't have been able to even get out of bed. I wish God would reveal His plans to me, and someday He might, but for now I just have to take each day and rejoice that He will use all of this to His glory. As I watch my son struggle I remind Him that God is greater than all of this and He stands ready to offer His peace, comfort and acceptance, and that God is using this to mold him and make him into the man He needs him to be. I pray that he will, as you have stated, "not be afraid, because he will know he is valued by God".
Comment by Joshua on May 13, 2010 at 12:48pm
Sarah,

Thank you for the wonderful post. Whenever I come across this passage in the Bible, it provides me a sense of tranquility and comfort. To know that how much God care and value us reassure that He has a purpose for all of us to be today. After years of being an alopecian (Alopecia universalis since 16), I am proud to say that alopecia is blessing to me :). I remember so vividly that once I overheard from a person that suggest that my hairloss is a form of punishment from God, pretty much a curse. I'm sorry that some people can be so shallow about God. I'm not saying that I'm sinless but I am thankful to God for my alopecia and all the blessings He gave me through it. Would I trade off all the blessings He gave me in order to have my hair back? NO!

Sarah, thank you again for a wonderful post. You made my day.

Joshua
Comment by Sarah Car on May 13, 2010 at 1:14pm
Jenna - I actually know just what you are going through. And I have a tough decision to make. Before I shaved my head I wore my wig to a job interview and I got hired. Now that I am growing comfortable with going out in public without my wig, I want to be able to go to my new job without it. I start next week and I'm not sure how they will react if I come in bald on my first day. They hired someone with hair just a few weeks ago! Right now I am planning to go without it and trust God that they won't treat me differently (and that they won't fire me! hahaha I don't think that will happen).

I think most employers and collegues will value you for your work abilities. If you do choose to go without your wig at work, I believe you may get some questions. But no matter what you choose - people will respect you for your honesty and for just being you! Maybe you could reveal the truth to one friend at work and take it from there! Wishing you all the best! - Sarah
Comment by Sarah Car on May 13, 2010 at 1:16pm
Connie - God is working in him. Each of us needs time to allow his miracle of peace and acceptance to work through us. Keep up your positive support!
Comment by Sarah Car on May 13, 2010 at 1:19pm
Joshua- you have great insight and a special gift from God. Keep using it as a testimony!
Comment by Jennifer on May 13, 2010 at 2:56pm
Sarah. you look beautiful with the bald head :) I shaved my head for the 1st time a month or 2 ago, i feel sooo much better now!
Comment by pedro on May 16, 2010 at 10:02pm
Sara, you bald head is beautiful... excuse me, my english is very little.
Comment by Scaredandhopeful on May 22, 2010 at 10:15pm
That post made me cry. I was feeling so isolated in all of this. And I have done my own share of ranting, raving and bargaining and pleading with God that I am even more touched at your apparent strength in your faith. I wish I could be less shallow a person :)
Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on August 22, 2010 at 1:16am
Psalm 139: 14-16 was the passage that got me through:

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were
written in your book before one of them came to be.

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