i get up for school. late. awesome. instead of trying anything fancy, i throw on yogas and a hoodie. put on my makeup real fast. and give myself one braid down my back. eat. out the door. great.

in the car i realize that you can see two bald spots with my hair braided. i can't do anything about it either. i just take out my hair and put it in a bun. again. like i have the past month and a half now. i'm really upset this morning, i've got a million things to do and all i can think about is all the crap that i have to go through with my hair. i'm frustrated. i'm ready to cut it. i think i'm going to go with a trim first. like five or six inches off. all while keeping in mind that i haven't cut off more than a half inch at a time in the last ten years. i've always been scared that i'd wake up without hair one day, so i was trying to take advantage of it. my greatgrandmother woke up one morning, and all of her hair was gone. overnight. literally. i expected that to happen to me. it would have been easier to deal with than this ongoing battle. i'm just miserable right now. and i feel like i'm helpless. like there's nothing that i can do. but i'm thinking of trying to go glutenfree for a few months before i cut my hair. my dad had celiac's disease. and it's possible i might have it too. the doctor doesn't think so, because i don't get sick or anything. but she said anything was worth a shot. she told me all i needed was a little hope. and honestly, that's all i think i need too.

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