I was out at a bar playing some pool this weekend with a couple of my friends when we started to talk to some other people who where there doing the same. All was good and well until one of the girls decided to ask me why I prefer to look like a man. The question stopped me in my tracks. I asked her politley,while clentching on to my que as to not give her a good whack with it, Why she thinks that I prefer to look like a man. She said a combination of things ranging from my clothes, not wearing make-up, to shaving my head. Now mind you this girl was not drunk she just wasn't a nice person. I'll give it to her I didn't have on a slutty top and a short skirt, but I did have a nice pair of jeans on and a hoodie, because guess what it was 30 degrees out. I told her as nicely as I could that she should not be so quick to make a judgment like that to someone who is holding on to a pool que, and that I choose to dress the way I did that night because I wasn't there to pick anyone up, but rather hang out with my guy friends and have fun. She then fired back stating that I enjoyed attention obviously because I shave my head, because any normal person would go buy a wig if they lost their hair. I then told her about what I have and that it is not an option for me none the less I have grown quite attached to the way I am. Then almost on que my guy friend came over to me and put his arm around me and said he wouldn't want a woman any other way then the way I am, just to throw it in her face. He told her the bad part wasn't that I didn't have hair, but the way that she felt about me not having hair and being ok with. He then asked her if it made her uncomfortable me not having hair and almost as quick as she started the converstion, she ended it by walking away.
I had to tell you this story because it is one of many that I have showing how society reacts to a woman without hair. From people jumping to conclusions that I am seriously ill, to calling me sir on a daily basis. I never really realized what good people I have in my life until I heard that what my friend had said and how he acted like it wasn't a big deal to him. But it was. At one point in time it was a big deal for him and it's taken him years to get to this point.
People don't realize how many of us are out there. They need to be the ones to become acustomed to us. They are the ones who need to get used to women and men without hair and get past it. This needs to happen because there is no cure for this and generation after generation of people will be getting alopecia. We have got to set the ground work to make it t easier for the next generation so that I is not as hard for them as it is for us to be living with this. My dream would be for eventually one day people to not feel embarresed to go out into the world without having their wig on. I want everyone to ask themselves would I own this wig if people didn't stare at me or ask me questions, and I'll bet if you answer yourself honestly you would say No! Who wants to wear those darn things anyways? They itch, they're hot, and lets be honest there are only a few hair styles that you can do with out it looking like it's a wig.
The only way that we can make society ok with is would be us being ok with us. Why pretend that we have hair when we don't. It doesn't make us more attractive, it doesn't make it easier on us in the long run, all it does is hide the fact that we are out there. It blends us in with everyone else. Who said you have to have hair? Who said that we have to make everyone else comfortable by putting on that wig everyday? Because that is what we are doing. Hiding who we truly are. We are lucky guys!! We have won the genetic lottery by not having to deal with it. Not very many people have been picked to have such an honor. There are only a hand full of people who are given such an opportunity to make such an amazing impact! We are given the key guys, Let's go find the lock!!!
Let's make the decison to go out every day and have no worries about what people will say.
Let's take off are wigs in front of starngers just to see their faces change.
Let's go about our daily lives without hair and make other people be ok with us.
Let's feel comfortable without hair and enjoy the blessing that was given to us! (Who wants to have to spend an extra hour getting ready anyways)
Let's change the definition of average and throw without hair in there as well!
Let's open up the eyes of the world to us!
Let's make a NATIONAL WIG-LESS MONTH where all people suffering from hair-loss will venture out with out their hair on, no matter what the cause of the hair loss is
LET'S NOT CONFORM TO SOCIETY ANYMORE!!!!!

Views: 10

Comment by Lee on December 22, 2008 at 1:36am
Hi,
I do feel bad about what happened to you and people can be real jerks. As far as the wig thing, I can't say I completly agree. The "real me" has hair. Alopecia took that from me. So why should I have to live without it because of alopecia? My vacuum wig was the first thing that made me feel like the real me again. I just think everyone is different. People that hide their alopecia...to YOU may be conforming...but to me...its being recognizable again.
Comment by Katherine Green on December 23, 2008 at 10:36am
Just to say i think Lee made a great point.
Comment by amanda~ on December 24, 2008 at 1:44am
Amanda,
While I commend you for your comfort in not wearing a wig I hesitate to go as far as saying that in wearing a wig a person is "hiding who they truly are". I do not feel that I'm hiding who I truly am. I, similarly to Lee and likely many others, see the "real me" as having hair. Unfortunately the world of alopecia has taken that view away, so why not do whatever it is that makes the real me come back. After all, no matter what one does in this life good or bad at the end of the day everyone has to be able to look in the mirror and like who they see. If one does not like who ythey see it is up to them and only them to change the vison to become likeable to and comfortable with themselves again. That girl who was horribly inappropriate, rude and inconsiderate also needs to look in the mirror and like what she sees. I would hope that after her experience at the bar that night she might reconsider who she sees in the mirror. It's hard to know though.
All in all I am sure that there is not a person on this site who would agree with that girls reaction, response or behavior and I think that it is just plain sad that there are people (adults none the less) who would behave like that to another person. Your reaction was quick and smart, not sure how I would have reacted in that situation.
Comment by Katherine Green on December 31, 2008 at 8:44am
Just to further interject to Amandas point,

We cannot help the nature of image driven western society, in our own way, we are all a bit guilty & have been victims of advertising.

How many women out there have dyed their hair Blonde with the belief that this change of hair colour will intstantly make them attrctive ?

And why is the fantasy stereotype of an attractive woman always tall,slender,& Blonde ?


Personally, i think its going a bit too far to say that a blad woman faces the same isolation & rejection as bieng born black; After all, you cannot change the colour of your skin, and if you are unheathily overweight, you can always loose weight.

We have the option to wear wigs, if you really break it down, it just like having the option to wear trousers,a skirt,or a dress,

With every action ,ther will be a reaction & the root of the action was based on a choice.

We have choices at the end of the day, and it`s not our fault if we make choices that others may not have made or understood.



K.x

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