Being bald is not a reason not to date

So the guy I told that I have alopecia. 2 ½ weeks ago I called our relationship off for good reasons. I found out that because a guy accepts you with alopecia doesn’t mean it will be a match made in heaven, it only made me realize that a lot of other guys will be just accepting.

First he never called/text after working hours. And he was always too busy. Too busy to call/text/be together, sounds like maybe a wife @home. I said what am I doing dating you? So after trying to explain this to him and he agreed to change and did not. I called it off. He had been on vacation since the whole BALD coming out thing! Thanks be to God!

So he emailed how I was doing. Story short he asked to see me (we both work in the same location). In my mind I said, “yes I get to test this bald thing out for real.” He has seen a picture of me bald but never in person, it was becoming real. I told him I looked different but sure ! LOL who knows what was running through his head @ DIFFERENT!!!! I thought maybe I can really scare him away because I don’t need him to start calling and emailing me after the drama!

Exciting. Yes, BUT! I was nervous after the invite. What have I done? I don’t want to see him! Esp. not bald! My co-worker tried to calm me down. “You don’t even like him.” I said Yes but bald is bald, I thought about it. And sat at my desk waiting for him to enter in. I see the door open. His scrubs, I stare waiting for his reaction.
I jump up and say “HI HOW ARE YOU? I LOOK DIFFERENT DON’T I? He smiled, “No, SO what this is you! Who cares!.”

Scaring him went out the window. He commented on how good I look and how he would like to have lunch. How me not talking to him hurt him… so on. As I worked and talked at the same time he said “Look at you! You look so comfortable! See I told you it doesn’t matter and besides it looks good on you.”

I am happy that he liked it but now I don’t think he will ever stop calling or texting. I plainly had to tell him to leave and agreed to have lunch if he did so!

In the past, I can't believe i didn't want to date because I was bald or was hiding under a wig. I spent 2 years in a relationship hiding it from someone. When he even mentioned changing my hair style i would ignore it or start an arguement to try to end the relationship. If someone likes you they like you for you.
I read on someone’s blog that said bald girls have more fun!

Its true! Not all days are happy! But the comments that I get are so hilarious sometimes, the stares and reactions can be funny as well (if im in the mood to respond back). I am happy being me, I can laugh joke and forget my hair is gone sometimes.Until someone is staring in it like a fortune globe! LOL God Bless.

Views: 163

Comment by rj, Co-founder on September 22, 2010 at 12:26pm
> I found out that because a guy accepts you with alopecia doesn’t mean it will be a match made in heaven, it only made me realize that a lot of other guys will be just accepting.

Ain't that the truth!

Acceptance doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship; it only puts a relationship in a better position to succeed.
Comment by Norm on September 22, 2010 at 12:35pm
And if you're a parrot, you can only succeed - no teeth, y'see.

But joking aside, it's very true - one physical aspect isn't the sole guarantor of a successful match. I mean, if you had hair, and let's say you were a redhead... would you be worrying about whether someone liked red hair or not?? Naaaah, didn't think so..... :)
Comment by Sam Sam on September 22, 2010 at 12:39pm
LOL Norm very funny!!!
Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on September 22, 2010 at 9:46pm
Thanks Sam.....I needed to hear that. :)
Comment by Tallgirl on September 22, 2010 at 10:22pm
Sometimes it is a leap of faith. With certain men, you just HAVE to check it out and hope for the best. We all think it is all about our own acceptance...ever stop a minute to think there may be a reason HE is taking a leap of faith with YOU? Works two ways...you, he, us, we...(Okay, maybe more than two ways. There are many ways to be a powerful team...Martin and Lewis, Samson and Delilah, Laverne and Shirley, Oscar and Felix, Hepburn and Tracy...). Sometimes alopecians just have trouble believing or letting someone in. Thank gosh for the Bravehearts who persist!
Comment by Sam Sam on September 23, 2010 at 12:24pm
Glad you enjoyed it! @Terri and Paul... Tall Girl your right. the big picture its not always about YOU or ALOPECIA, alot of things fall into place when dating.
Comment by Sam Sam on September 23, 2010 at 12:40pm
UPDATE:

We went to lunch and we talked.

I asked him why he never really took the moment to ask me out more. He said "When I first met you I liked you, but I could never figure out why you wore wigs. I hate wigs! Wanted to tell you so bad that you wearing wigs bothered me. When you told me you had alopecia I understood but I still hate wigs! I can't believe you took that thing off your head" He says , as if he had been relieved.

He said he was happy I took it off and it made him comfortable to be with me.

My new dating question: IS MY WIG MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE? I CAN ALWAYS TAKE IT OFF!?

Who would have taught. He felt I was embarrassing him by wearing a wig, but my bald head is au natural. I can’t figure this guy out … but he is still not the one.

Acceptance comes from you and when you accepted you don’t need a stamp of approval from anyone else’s!
Comment by Sam Sam on September 23, 2010 at 12:40pm
*thought
Comment by Tallgirl on September 23, 2010 at 10:00pm
I never really thought about a guy's finding wigs humorous, icky, embarrassing, bulky, complicated, wrong texture, etc. Thanks for putting this out here for contemplation.

Because I am like this Runaway Bride character who just keeps on taking on college or work like a Shebot, in order to keep disappointments away from my door (had four too many of those), I have only been seeing my wig as a necessary work uniform or small-town survival armor. Dating a new man in person and having to bring up wig/alopecia to someone who hadn't already been a friend hasn't really occurred in my life since, oh, the 1970s! I just didn't date much when I had alopecia in my teens and at college (the first college). I had hair growth and married with hair in my twenties through early thirties, so I didn't have to deal with the question, the response, and the outcome of wig revelation.

I think that when communication is tentative or when daters are young, the intimacy and touching issues may not come up like they do with older daters. Boys do not always say out loud what they are thinking...and neither do some men! The wig may be noticed, but not discussed. Politeness is good, but honesty is real and lays the cards on the table. Once we see each other's hands, we can fold, reshuffle, or play anyway! (I want to play! I want to play!)

How would you know the one for YOU, hmmmm?
allets Comment by allets on September 23, 2010 at 10:43pm
First he never called/text after working hours. And he was always too busy. Too busy to call/text/be together, sounds like maybe a wife @home.

Is he married?

Not calling/texting after working hours would send up a HUGE red flag for me! (I've dealt with infidelity) Sounds suspicious to me...just my two cents.

PS Don't just take his word for it that he's not married - INVESTIGATE for yourself.

All cheaters are liars.

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