So my eyebrows are beginning to fall out really bad now. I'm going to the dermatologist on Tuesday to learn my fate and see weather or not I have Alopecia or some type of other condition that could be cured. No bald spots on my head, but I fear that will eventually change. My eyelashes are beginning to thin as well, and I'm Trying to prepare myself for the inevitable. None of my friends know that I'm facing this condition, I'm to embarrassed to say anything plus I know a lot of people will disassociate themselves with me. My mother knows but she is not very sympathetic at all, she could care less to be honest. I guess it's because she is in denial. I'm scared, but at the same time I know that it is nothing I can control. I just want to hide in the house, under the blankets, where the world can't see me. Who would love me looking like this? I honestly feel like I'm transforming into some type of monster or creature, for I can barely remember what I use to look like. I'm starting to wish I could just move to some area where only alopecians lived, at least I would be among my OWN kind and not feel like such an alien. Mentally I'm not even prepared to deal with the worlds reaction to me. I already suffer with depression so this just makes matters worse. I have no type of support system at all, so dealing with this alone makes me just want to kill myself. Everyone around me is ignoring my pain, and I find myself in tears just writing this. I told my mom my hair loss is getting worse and she just ignores me. It's heart breaking. I pray for strength but I'm only getting weaker. Just because I'm losing my hair doesn't mean my heart is gone. And it is hurting.

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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on November 11, 2011 at 10:44am

hang in there. I know that right now, with the feeling that everything is out of control, it is the very worst thing that can happen. I do promise that it does get easier. Try to focus on all the wonderful things that are in front of you. Your true friends will stand beside you no matter what the future may hold. Take it one day at a time. Maybe go out and get a wig or some scarfs and hats in preparation, play with them to get some comfort with them.

Comment by Tallgirl on November 11, 2011 at 11:06am

Okay...so read and talk here in the world of bald folk, go to a support group nearest to you (see www.naaf.org to find one), and see your counselor. It can be fun to look through magazines for make-up techniques, or go to a mall cosmetics counter for free tips. Some make-up companies will come to your house. If you buy the items "just for fun" before any hair loss, and wear them, then if you DO turn out to "need" them, your friends will already think it is just a fashion statement! If you need a pal in this, pick a cousin or favorite aunt!

Comment by Theresa on November 11, 2011 at 11:23am

Danielle, I know exactly how you feel. Nothing we say will stop what you are feeling...your feelings are real to you. The greatest battle that you will suffer with alopecia is in the mind. Your thoughts will drive you crazy! But living with alopeica is better than dying over alopecia. I had thoughts of death also because I sunk into a deep depression. Your prayer life will pull you out of this. With God's strength, not your own, you can handle this! You are strong, you may not feel like it...but you are! I will be praying for you and I will be praying that your mother will embrace you and give you all the love and support that you need. And if she does not...God will send someone to comfort you. You will be surprised...your friends will not abandon you either. Quite as kept some of them may have alopeica under their weaves...and they were not brave enough to say something. But you be brave my dear. I am here for you! Control your thoughts, don't let them run wild. Take deep breathes...and if you do not have bald spots in your head, don't worry about it. Hakuna Matata! Go to the doctor and find out what's really going on. You are beautiful inside and out...with or without hair. You are beautiful! Don't ever forget it!
I like what you said about the Alopeicans... Yeah! we are a group of like kind. Bless you baby and if I were with you now I would give you a big hug and encourage you. Like Terri said, "Hang in there!" It will get easier and you will be encouraging somebody in their beginning stages of alopeica one day. People need you and you know even know it. People will make it through just because you made it through. But you gotta get through this side first. You can do it. I don't understand it but God chose us to walk this path. In time you will know why and understand.
Love you!
Theresa Spiller

Comment by Dana on November 11, 2011 at 12:19pm

I completly understand everything you have said Danielle. I wish we lived in the same town so we could support one another. I have not lost my eyebrows, they are truely horrible as they are still there but just terrible patches of black unibrow looking things that still have to be waxed (Yeah). My mother did the same thing yours did....denial I guess is one of the things they just naturally move to. Acceptance means you validate something you do not understand nor want to. I wish I were alone most of the time. It would be so much easier not to have my husband looking at me all the time. I could get up in the morning and put on my fabulous hair and no one would be wiser. But he knows and it makes me feel less of a woman. I read an article that said men judge a woman on first sight by their hair....doesnt that make us feel better!!!??? I am with you, if there were an alopecia community I would move there tomorrow, put a beautiful floral tattoo on my head and keep it shaved. Then I would feel "EMPOWERED" as they say. I feel your pain deep in my heart, as another member told me hang in there but for now give yourself time to grieve....
D.

Comment by BTB (John) on November 11, 2011 at 2:54pm
Every feeling you're having is valid and not at all out of step with anyone else who has AA. It is a cruel disease and it is unforgiving fortunately it is a disease you can live with eventually, till then it will hard for you. John
Comment by Alexis on November 11, 2011 at 10:39pm

I know what ur feeling , I had this feeling back in my freshmen year of college. I'm a Junior now but it was horrible.I was all alone in south florida, (I still feel that way now)and had no family, my friends didnt understand and thought it was one big joke. I now live in washington,dc a little closer to family, but I still feel alone. I'm here for support any time you want to talk!!

Comment by Liz on November 12, 2011 at 2:20pm

Danielle, PLEASE do not take your own life. It does get better. Do whatever you need to do to feel good. Go window shopping. Take walks. Write some more to us on this forum. See a counselor. Right now it may feel like no one cares, but they do. You look very pretty in your picture and you will continue to be with or without hair. Do you like hats or scarves? I enjoy playing with different styles of hats, wigs and scarves, and it makes me feel better. I've also gotten pretty good at drawing on my eyebrows so that they look good. Sometimes I even treat myself to wearing some glamorous false eyelashes. I know that hair is very important, but do whatever you need to do for yourself to get through this dark time. HANG IN THERE!

Comment by Jackie on November 12, 2011 at 2:50pm
i've been a baldheaded monster for 20+ years. Lost my hair during puberty at age 12. No matter how awful I think I am, some sucka out there always thinks i'm great. Lol. Hang in there and death may not be any better than life, so stay with us, why don't ya?
Comment by Susan Innes on November 12, 2011 at 6:05pm

Danielle, In answer to your question "who would love me like this?", well, so far, at least 10,000 or so on this website...and that's just the beginning. There are many who will love you for all of your natural beauty (of which you have abundance), your courage, your uniqueness, and, the better person who will evolve from this experience. This is a place where we will listen, will truly understand, and will share your tears as we try to help you. Welcome to your new family:). ((Hugs)) Susan

Comment by Lili on November 19, 2011 at 11:55am

I wish we could move to an all alopecian or alopecian friendly land. I've felt how you've written about too, even wished I could just fall asleep and not wake up. I cried a lot and didn't want to leave the house. But, I pushed through it... I feel, I have NO choice but to keep chuggin along and stay strong. Before alopecia, I don't think I was as strong as I am now...I never had to be and I went through life thinking that the stupidest things were horrible and the end of the world. So, losing my hair put the rest into perspective... because, this actually IS shitty. My mother isn't very understanding about it either.. she shaves her head at least once every few years! And she's in denial and thinks my hair will grow back. I tried to explain to her that it's the lack of choice, it's painful losing something that was important to you. I barely recognize myself in the mirror, and though I'll never think that alopecia is a good thing that happened to me... it's helped open my eyes about the world, society, forced me to acknowledge how I already felt about myself, forced me to be strong. Now I know that how I look has nothing to do with who I am inside. And coming here I saw I wasn't a monster, and I used to feel like exactly that. Trust me.. you're not getting weaker it only seems that way now..

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