Back in time for Christmas, the unwanted gift of alopecia

Where is the gift receipt?!

My alopecia has been in hiding for a while now, which gave me enough time to form a relationship. Now, 9 months into said relationship, I have the familiar signs that she's back to play. I don't know how to tell my gf that I'm loosing my hair. She knows in the past it happened, but she doesn't understand it. I don't think she realizes what a monster I become once me and Josie (my wig) have to start hanging out together again.

No idea how to tell her or how I will react to her possible no-show of emotion. Would that be better or worse? So far, avoiding is going well. Why would she want to stay with me? I look disgusting with no hair. It's only the start at the moment but I know where it can lead. A little twitch here, a tug there, some heat and a lot of tingling. Once that happens, it will be time to give Josie a wash and let her back out into the world.

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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on December 18, 2013 at 3:55am

Hi Luisa,  I think in our fear we tend to believe that others will not be as understanding as even we would be if the tables where turned.  There is a chance that if your mate has based the relationship on appearance (meaning beauty conforming to societies standards alone) then there may be a problem.  But if the relationship has been built on a stronger foundation of love, trust, mutual respect and acceptance, then I believe that a relationship can weather alopecia.

I must add that is is really important to understand that you have alopecia for life or at least until a cure comes along.  Whether your hair is in "remission" or not it is still equally important to share and fully explain alopecia with them.

Give her the benefit of the doubt.  True intimacy is built during situation like this.  If we want to be known and accepted completely by someone, we must be willing to show them the real you.  Good luck.

Comment by Luisa Maria on December 18, 2013 at 4:09am
Thank you, I showed her my blog post in the end as I couldnt say it outloud. She was perfect :)
Comment by amym on December 18, 2013 at 3:19pm

So beautifully stated, Cheryl. And, Luisa I am so glad you showed her to post and equally as glad that she was perfect. 

Comment by Kteacher on December 18, 2013 at 3:31pm

Happy for you!  It's so hard when it keeps coming and going!  Mine is about to "leave" again too.  I'm trying to figure out how to tell my 60 students I have.  They're going to be freaked out after Christmas break!  I think I'm going to tell them that I'm wearing a hat and it just happens to be made of hair :)

Comment by Betty on December 18, 2013 at 3:38pm
That must have been scary. Even before I read your post, I had a feeling that after nine months her attraction to you was more than skin (or hair) deep. :) I am glad she took it so well.

I will still say as advice to others in this situation that you have to give your partner some Level of trust. If you are past the initial dating phase, there is a good chance they see more in you than what is on the surface.
Comment by shortcakes on December 18, 2013 at 3:39pm

Your hair does not define YOU.  I'm glad your gf isn't so shallow as to only date you based on what you look like or whether you have hair.  If she loves you, she will find you beautiful in all stages. But it is hard to love someone when they don't love themselves --  Just remember to be kind to yourself.  :)

Comment by Jean on December 18, 2013 at 3:57pm

Cheryl,

Good perspective on life. You are an inspiration.  Enjoy the holidays!

Comment by Nanny on December 18, 2013 at 6:02pm

My granddaughter has stopped wearing her wigs at all. She still puts on her caps when she goes to school but here in the neighborhood, playing with her friends, she's all skin. She grins and says "Nanny, this is who I am!" God, I love that little girl!

Comment by Shelly on December 19, 2013 at 5:27pm

 Luisa: I'm so glad you opened up & let the relationship show its weight in gold.  

Kteacher: I like your description about wearing a hat....it's awesome!  My students took the whole notion of my hair loss pretty well....I did tell them that I am perfectly healthy, so no need to worry!

Cheryl: As always, you hit the nail on the head!

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