Alopecia World
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Acceptance
Acceptance is the biggest step. It would be easier if we did not need the acceptance of those we love. My husband is one of the people I fear will not accept my baldness. Next week what's left of my hair will be taken own - I can't wait. I ordered a wig in advance to see if even like wearing wigs. Mostly I believe I'll be rocking my bald head with some funky scarves or hats when I feel like it.
My husband replies: "as long as you're ok with it, its ok" but never answers me when I ask him how he will feel and if he will still love me. Bottom line, this is what I am really asking. My feeling is that if the lack of hair is the basis for a lack of attraction or love, there wasn't much there to begin with. Time will tell, but I am being bold enough to move forward. We can't help how others will feel about us. Worse case scenario, my husband may dump me; but parents? children? how do we handle this? If I stay confident and feel good I will prevail. None of this is easy by any stretch, but the work I do will make me stronger.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everyone on Alopecia World along with those who are too afraid to face this problem feel good enough about themselves to move forward and do what works best, bald, scarves, wigs, tattoos, etc. But it starts inside of oneself. Yes, I too am terrified, I will have to deal with be stared at, laughed at, asked if i have cancer, etc. But for me this will be easier than hiding. I've been hiding my head for so long, its ridiculous.
The first step, accept yourself, embrace what you have - in our case, bald heads, the rest will take care of itself.
My husband replies: "as long as you're ok with it, its ok" but never answers me when I ask him how he will feel and if he will still love me. Bottom line, this is what I am really asking. My feeling is that if the lack of hair is the basis for a lack of attraction or love, there wasn't much there to begin with. Time will tell, but I am being bold enough to move forward. We can't help how others will feel about us. Worse case scenario, my husband may dump me; but parents? children? how do we handle this? If I stay confident and feel good I will prevail. None of this is easy by any stretch, but the work I do will make me stronger.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everyone on Alopecia World along with those who are too afraid to face this problem feel good enough about themselves to move forward and do what works best, bald, scarves, wigs, tattoos, etc. But it starts inside of oneself. Yes, I too am terrified, I will have to deal with be stared at, laughed at, asked if i have cancer, etc. But for me this will be easier than hiding. I've been hiding my head for so long, its ridiculous.
The first step, accept yourself, embrace what you have - in our case, bald heads, the rest will take care of itself.
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Comment by Tiffany P on February 18, 2011 at 7:37pm
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Very nice blog and im sure your husband loves you just trying to deal with the change himself i guess, but like you said we have to accept ourself for who we are and everything that makes us different whatever that is. in the end we have to take it one step at a time.
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Comment by Mary on February 18, 2011 at 8:14pm
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Such wise words. Hiding just didn't work for me, and I haven't looked back. You will be amazed how easy it actually is. Take care. Mary
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Comment by Tallgirl on February 18, 2011 at 10:42pm
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Do like I do. Stop asking or wondering or planting doubt in your man (you might actually CREATE disgust by all the nagging of HOW-WILL-YOU-FEEL, and men have trouble enough with NOW feelings, let alone future feelings!). Go to the mirror and pretend someone actually already HAS rejected you, and watch your face, practice your responses, formulate your OWN "future responses." Once you have shocked yourself by simulating that nightmare response, anything else seems calm and easily-handled in comparison. Also, when it (the scary relationship discussion) is NOT happening is time you have to write a plan for what you CAN do in life that isn't stopped by hair presence or loss (college, travel, painting, writing The Great Novel, visiting girlfriends, shopping, seeing relatives, gardening, decorating, reading, movies, etc.). Go do all the stuff you want to do, in whatever head covering (or not) you can live with, and fill that resume and photo album with delights!
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on February 18, 2011 at 11:00pm
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Beautifully said. Its never easy to take the first step in whatever journey life takes us. But with confidence and belief in ourselves, we will always prevail. If we continue to hide our alopecia how will alopecia awareness ever be out there and help others.
You are a fabulous beautiful person HUGS>>
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Comment by Lili Añel (aka Eulalia) on February 19, 2011 at 1:57pm
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Aimee-
Thank you for writing. Your kids and husband sound amazing. I forget that this transition is not just difficult for me, but for them as well. I look forward with optimism.
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Comment by David B327 on February 20, 2011 at 10:05am
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Very well said. I do hope things work out for you.
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Thank you for all of the support I have received here. Please know that this transition is new and challenging. Part of my difficulty is trying to anticipate how the people I love will react. There is no good in doing this. But I would be lying if I didn't admit to being scared. The bottom line is that we (I) want to be loved and accepted. This condition, alopecia areata, I did not ask for, however I have to find a way to deal with it that works best for me. There's so much to do, hats, scarfs, etc. I'm embracing it all. Thank you all very much!
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