Just some thoughts

So as I put in my about me I am 23 years old, I got or developed or whatever you want to call it , AU when I was 15.. within a few months it was all gone, thinning evenly all over my head and soon to follow my eyelashes, eybrows and everything quit growing. Anyway the day I was actually diagnosed with Alopecia I bawled, cried and cried forever, I loved my hair, I was a 15 year old girl so of course I did! Anyway after that first day I got better and better and accepted it more and more, somedays more than others. I was finding a certain faith at the time, well just before and I truly believe that helped me get through it all with confidence. I quickly got a wig, and had all sorts of trials getting it right, feeling ok, going to a small school and not feeling rideculed, my friends were wonderful however. I felt strong. Anyway throughout my life with AU I have had ups and downs, and been quite honest with it. Sometimes hating it, just wanting to swim.. wash my hair, that feeling of washing your hair! Running your hands through it. throwing it up in a pony tail, I can never do that. Sleeping in a bandana.. trying to look cute while doing it, having new relationships and dealing with worn off eyebrows and all that jazz. . I even went to hair school , hoping to do wigs, and had do deal every day with hair, with real hair on people who had it, all the girls would practice and learn on eachother... I needless to say never got to be a part if that. But i did it fine. And the worst my other immune problems, lupus and rhuematiod arthritis (apparently).. Anyway.. off and on I will get a few hairs growing, a few years ago I had all sorts of patches on my head. And of course they fell out, and I was sad , I wanted to have it so bad.. to be normal -ish... I still have those dreams where I can vividly feel the hair on my head.
However a few months ago my eyelashes started growing.. I have a full row on one eye! and almost another on the other eye.. the top ones are a bit stubborn however. And I do like my lashes, I think they are beautiful. But I have been getting other random hairs growing.. a eyebrow one here or there.. (plucking hurts!) and leg one.. they are always little baby hairs there or on my arm.. I hate them , they are just annoying., And you would think I would be happy there is some action going on with my follicles, and I do wonder why it is, but I very recently have decided I don't want hair... eyelashes yes.. eveybrows.. no I find them funny now haha.. and obviously no body hair.. as for head hair.. I am almost fine either way. Like I said pony tails are nice.. but switching my hair around! Being different, I love it. Maybe it is being scared.. knowing this way to well, but I truly do not want hair now. Not just because I pretty much know that I can't, but I was slightly scared last week when I thought about what if my hair actually grew back... I would not be me had I never lost my hair. I am almost happy about it.. aside from my silly immune system... anyway I just wanted to share , my scaredness of growing hair again.. and how proud I am of us all and how strong we are.. how we know how unimportant it is.. or at least that is how I feel.. anyway .. goodnight,
it's bedtime haha.

Views: 10

Comment by Laura Duksta on March 16, 2008 at 10:29pm
Thanks for sharing! I think this space is beautiful...just for the fact that we can share our stories into a space where other people can understand what we are/have gone through!
Keep Shining!
Laura
Comment by Katiebug on April 13, 2008 at 9:50pm
Immune problems UGH! I have/had ulcerative colitis which is an autoimmune disease, but had my large intestine removed so hopefully I won't have to deal with that along with this anymore!
Comment by Carol on May 2, 2008 at 9:06am
I've been getting regrowth lately too with bits coming in here and there although I use a mustache trimmer to shape the little bit of brow I do have to the shape of my liner that I put on when I go out. I hate being patchy - all or nothing please! Maybe it's the strange weather we've been getting in Canada lately that's making it grow back? LOL
Comment by Jennifer on August 26, 2008 at 7:14pm
That was a good story. I was thinking that when I do buy a wig I want a lot of different ones too, it would be fun!Plus, my husband thinks it will be fun too. Do you ever think about the tattoo eyebrows, thats my newest thing that I am going through!
Comment by Erin on August 27, 2008 at 1:16pm
Yeah I do think about it. I would like to get them tattooed sometime, but just very lightly because I change the color sometimes. . but the shape as well sometimes so I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for me haha.. and what about as we get older.. drooping.. haha! I'm not sure. As for the switching wigs.. it is so fun. I have become quite comfortable now so I go from blonde dlonde to dark brown in a day now haha. And yes.. my boyfriend does enjoy it ;) ha. there are some pluses at least.
Comment by Wendy on March 2, 2009 at 6:58pm
Hi Erin
thanks for sharing. I enjoy the part where you switch wig colours and styles and as I work in a hospital it would be fun to watch peoples reactions. I believe I would be the talk of the place. My eyebrows are almost gone now and it has brought me even farther into this alopecia business as it has been very hard on me.
Like you I really missed my hair as i had to wear a wig because my hair falls out in patches with the old familiar burn of the scalp first. as I type I can feel a spot coming off soon and i won't be able to cover it and I have too much hair for a wig. I feel like a fake when I wear a wig at work one month and then maybe don't need it as much others. Did anyone you have talked to feel this way? Any suggestions with the eyebrows on how to find where they go etc would be helpful.

Wendy
Comment by Erin on March 8, 2009 at 6:51pm
hi! never ever feel like you are fake or anything bad about wearing a wig, I know it is very scary at the start and you feel like everyone knows, I have never really encountered bad reactions to my wigs however. And it took a lot of years to become comfortable with switching wigs and colors daily. . I guess I kinda feel now like This is ME.. I do not have hair and I am not going to pretend I do for anyone, I do not go bald places , yes I do cover my head, simply because I like to feel more feminine, and that is up to each person on their own. BUt once you are more comfortable and stuff with it, and after a few times of switching, (if you don't mind ppl knowing) it is fun.
As for eyebrows, as they are falling out start drawing them in, it helps you have an outline kinda for when they are all gone, at least that helped me... anyway, good luck and never feel bad for this, it makes us special.
Comment by Jennifer Krahn on March 12, 2009 at 8:52pm
Erin, I love your story. I'm just starting my journey with AA and it has alot of ups and downs. There is fear and then there is knowing that it is only hair in the end. You are beautiful and your story is really wonderful and insightful.

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