Yet another disappointment :(

I talked to my mother yesterday. We have been discussing going to the NAAF Conference this year since January, and because she said she wanted to go, I went ahead and registered her for the conference. Yesterday morning I talked to her on the phone, and as usual she asked me if I was going on the family vacation this year. Just as I have answered every year like clockwork for the last 6 years, I answered that no, I wasn't. I don't like traveling with my mom's other kids because they aren't good travelers, and I do not consider babysitting them for a week in Florida my idea of a vacation. So I don't go. I asked her when she was planning on going on vacation with them, and she told me it was during the week of the conference. I reminded her that that was the week of the conference and she agreed to go, and her only response was that she would pay me back for the registration fee and that maybe we can go to another one.

I don't want her to go to another conference, because all she will do is find another way to get out of it. Paying me back for the money I already spent is not the point of me reminding her yet again. The point was that she needs to go to this conference as much as I need to go to this conference, because she has just as many issues dealing with alopecia as I do. I bet if I had said that this conference had something to do with foster care she would be front and center and reminding ME that I needed to go, but of course it doesn't. She infuriates me sometimes, but what can I do?

I've become used to these kinds of disappointments. Sometimes I feel that alopecia has made my life a series of disappointments and failed expectations. I expected to grow out of alopecia only to be disappointed by its vengeful return. I expected to have a boyfriend that wanted to spend time with me and cherish me for who I am inside, not my outside appearance. I was disappointed by his continued absence and distant behavior. I expected my mother to be a constant, unwavering support standing beside me, but of course that is the biggest disappointment of all. My sister is my biggest supporter at this point in my life, which has been completely unexpected, considering the extremes our relationship has been through over the years. Right now, I don't know what I'd do without her.

So I'm coming to the conference alone, and I don't know how I feel about that yet. I'm sure I'll be more apprehensive as the time comes closer, but until that time, I'll just accept it for what it is. After all, isn't that the story of alopecia anyway -- to learn to accept things as they are??

Views: 3

Comment by Jennifer on May 3, 2008 at 9:18pm
Hey think of it this way. when i used togo with my mom i always had to worry about if she ate dinner who she was with was she alone in the room. Going alone is a little scary but you wont be alone long you will make new friends when you get there. I know you wont be in your room any longer than to sleep shower and get dressed. and if you have time to even watch one half hour tv show i will be surprised. It is drag that she backed out on you. but i think you maybe able to get a partical refund or if you can find someone else to go you can change the name of the person you registerd.
Comment by Katie on May 4, 2008 at 12:26am
It sucks that your mom won't attend the conference with you, but try to make the most of it. I attended the NAAF Conference in Norfolk, Virginia back in 2000. I wanted to share a room with another person, but didn't know anyone else that was going to the conference. The people who organize the conference found another person that wanted to share a room and put us together. We never met prior to the conference. At the time I thought it might be kind of awkward sharing a room with a complete stranger, but it worked out great. We became great friends because of it. I won't be going to the conference this year because of other commitments in my life, but hope to go to another NAAF conference in the future. You'll have a blast!
Comment by Cindy on May 4, 2008 at 9:31am
I am sorry to hear that you feel so let down by your mom. Once you get to the conference and see all your old and new friends I bet you will have forgotten how disappointed you are right now. You may even be glad to be alone so you can do the things you want..Have a wonderful time!
Comment by Orbit on May 4, 2008 at 12:29pm
Yokasta, I'm so sorry that this happened. I can tell you're really frustrated by your mom's behavior and insensitivity about something that is obviously very important you. Over the years I have learned that you can really only count on yourself. I know it sounds cold and perhaps a little bitter but I like you am tired of being disappointed. I thought perhaps I held the bar too high and expected too much of people....I see know that really wasn't the case. People become so wrapped up in their own lives they tend not to see the whole picture. I know that good communication is the key. Do you think that your mom realizes how your really feel? If you can, try to let her know, maybe she'll clue into the importance of taking special time out for you.

Regardless, you'll probably have a blast at the conference! I wish I was going!!!! I'd love the chance to meet all you new friends face to face :-D Next year I'll get my schedual open so that I can participate too. Sad to missing all the fun, but I am traveling with you in spirit!!!!

HAVE A GREAT TIME!
Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on May 4, 2008 at 8:34pm
Hey Yokasta, I am sorry for your disappointment. Keep in mind that you may be travelling alone... but you won't be alone! You know so many of us and are an Alopecia World celebrity!

To be honest, you may actually benefit by going alone. I went with family member a few years ago and I really did feel like I missed out on some of the events while watching out for their needs as well. This is your first conference, a chance for you to be totally there!

Jennifer was wrong about one thing, you don't actually sleep at a conference... you save that for Monday ;).
Comment by Ellen on May 5, 2008 at 7:36am
Hey Hey Yokasta,
What a bummer that she pulled out. Sorry for your disappointment.

Remember thou - this is about YOU. You go and have fun at the conference; you start having fun as a person and above all, have an expectation for yourself to take care of yourself. I think learning to accept things is not only a part of alopecia, but life. Either you can say "okay, I'm going to accept" or "I'm going to resist".

Sending good thoughts and energy.
Comment by Trina on May 5, 2008 at 1:56pm
Hey Yokasta,

Just think of it as a blessing in disguise. Alopecia is not about disappointments it is about acceptance. We are humans and we will have emotions some good and some bad. Hey just think people have their own issues and at least you can face yours with other people who are like you. The conference is on my baby's birthday and her party has been planned for months. You will meet new people who are like you and will love you unconditionally. I find that most people can feel sympathy but very few can relate. When it comes to dating most people are not really that shallow. Just have faith and believe and it will get better.

Heck you guys have helped me and I never knew you before this site. So sometimes you find strength in the oddest places.


Trina

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