Alopecia World
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I'm BAAAACK!!!
Okay, so everyone knows by now (if you read my blogs) that I moved back home to Nashville from Memphis just under a month ago. So while I am saving my money to get a nice new tricked out laptop, I am using my mom's computer to get back into the swing of writing regularly to let everyone know what is going on in my life.
First and foremost, I have missed everyone terribly!!! I've had the chance to talk to some of you on the phone, I IM everyone when I can, and I think of you all constantly!!!
Secondly, I congratulate myself on leaving a job that I had been working for 4 years and finding a better job in 4 days -- just goes to show that when God is ready for you to make that move, He will move things so that you can!
Most importantly of all -- I'm in love!! Totally, madly, passionately in love with the most wonderful man in the world! He's been in my life before, and we broke up and stayed apart for a few years, but the time that we have been spending together and really working together as a couple has shown both him and me that we just weren't ready for each other the first time around. But he is really what I want to talk about today.
When we first met, my boyfriend and I fell for each other hard. I told him about my AA, but at the time he was deployed overseas, and I had a full head of hair. When he retired and came home from the Army a few months ago, he came home to a girlfriend waiting with open arms, but I just have happened to lose all of my hair, and have been going around bald since then. Needless to say, it's been a nasty shock to him, to say the least. I think it is a true symbol of the maturity of our relationship that I am willing to compromise about my hair, because had it been anyone else, I would have just said this is me and deal with it. But out of consideration for his feelings and his own need to adjust to the reality of the situation, I asked him if it would be easier if I wore scarves again on occasion. He said yes at first, but as time has gone on he hasn't insisted on it. He has asked about the different treatments available, and has even asked if I would consider growing out what little hair I did have too. I know his heart is in the right place -- the way he handled the situation when I met his best friend and his father speaks to that -- but I'm afraid to let his optimism get my hopes up, only to have them crushed again.
I was particularly touched by the way he told me -- proactively -- that he told his family and friends about my AA. He told thim point-blank that his girlfriend had alopecia and that she was totally bald and that she was the most beautiful girl in the world to him -- and that he loved me no matter what. That he did it without me asking him to explain it brought tears to my eyes, just like it does when he rubs my head or kisses me on the top of my head. He's the only person besides my dad I've ever allowed to touch my head in that way, which makes it even more special to me.
I admit, when he asked me to let my hair grow out, I got very uncomfortable for a moment, and cried a bit because I felt that I was a bit of a disappointment to him -- but he once again rose to the occasion to reassure me that he wasn't trying to make me feel bad in any way, and he told me that I could never be a disappointment to him. He only asked because he hadn't seen me with hair in 5 years and wanted to genuinely see for himself how patchy my AA was. He even made the offer to shave my head for me again if the loss was too great (he's a master barber, so I'll let him.) He told me again that he loves me for me, whether I have no hair, one hair, or a million hairs -- and he was going to keep telling me that until I believe it.
Do you think I'm overreacting, or making a situation out of something that isn't there? I really want to believe in the happy ending, but as much as I love him I'm afraid to step out on faith that I won't get devastated in the end. Please let me know what you think!
First and foremost, I have missed everyone terribly!!! I've had the chance to talk to some of you on the phone, I IM everyone when I can, and I think of you all constantly!!!
Secondly, I congratulate myself on leaving a job that I had been working for 4 years and finding a better job in 4 days -- just goes to show that when God is ready for you to make that move, He will move things so that you can!
Most importantly of all -- I'm in love!! Totally, madly, passionately in love with the most wonderful man in the world! He's been in my life before, and we broke up and stayed apart for a few years, but the time that we have been spending together and really working together as a couple has shown both him and me that we just weren't ready for each other the first time around. But he is really what I want to talk about today.
When we first met, my boyfriend and I fell for each other hard. I told him about my AA, but at the time he was deployed overseas, and I had a full head of hair. When he retired and came home from the Army a few months ago, he came home to a girlfriend waiting with open arms, but I just have happened to lose all of my hair, and have been going around bald since then. Needless to say, it's been a nasty shock to him, to say the least. I think it is a true symbol of the maturity of our relationship that I am willing to compromise about my hair, because had it been anyone else, I would have just said this is me and deal with it. But out of consideration for his feelings and his own need to adjust to the reality of the situation, I asked him if it would be easier if I wore scarves again on occasion. He said yes at first, but as time has gone on he hasn't insisted on it. He has asked about the different treatments available, and has even asked if I would consider growing out what little hair I did have too. I know his heart is in the right place -- the way he handled the situation when I met his best friend and his father speaks to that -- but I'm afraid to let his optimism get my hopes up, only to have them crushed again.
I was particularly touched by the way he told me -- proactively -- that he told his family and friends about my AA. He told thim point-blank that his girlfriend had alopecia and that she was totally bald and that she was the most beautiful girl in the world to him -- and that he loved me no matter what. That he did it without me asking him to explain it brought tears to my eyes, just like it does when he rubs my head or kisses me on the top of my head. He's the only person besides my dad I've ever allowed to touch my head in that way, which makes it even more special to me.
I admit, when he asked me to let my hair grow out, I got very uncomfortable for a moment, and cried a bit because I felt that I was a bit of a disappointment to him -- but he once again rose to the occasion to reassure me that he wasn't trying to make me feel bad in any way, and he told me that I could never be a disappointment to him. He only asked because he hadn't seen me with hair in 5 years and wanted to genuinely see for himself how patchy my AA was. He even made the offer to shave my head for me again if the loss was too great (he's a master barber, so I'll let him.) He told me again that he loves me for me, whether I have no hair, one hair, or a million hairs -- and he was going to keep telling me that until I believe it.
Do you think I'm overreacting, or making a situation out of something that isn't there? I really want to believe in the happy ending, but as much as I love him I'm afraid to step out on faith that I won't get devastated in the end. Please let me know what you think!
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Comment by Carol on October 16, 2008 at 3:10pm
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YoKasta
First I'd like to say Welcome Back girl! Long time no see!
Second I want to congratulate you on feeling so in love, it's such a wonderful and powerful feeling. Obviously you've been through quite a bit with him already regarding your alopecia and I think his attitude is completely acceptable. In fact if he wants to shave your head for you, let him cause it can be a real turn on to some people. As for asking you to grow it back that of course will always be up to you but I know how you feel. My youngest daughter pushes me to grow my hair back constantly but she's only 7 and doesn't understand what's going on really. At least your man is old enough to understand why you would or wouldn't want to do that. I'm so happy to see you are here again though and with all that wonderful charisma!! :)
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Comment by kastababy on October 17, 2008 at 10:13am
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We had the conversation again last night, and he told me that he wanted to see my hair grow for himself, and if it didn't want to grow anymore then that was fine too. He just felt that I was robbing him of the opportunity to love me with hair, without hair, all facets of me, and that he wasn't going anywhere. So I agreed to let my hair grow out for a while -- and he agreed to go along with whatever decision I make in the future going beyond this. He's not going anywhere and neither am I. Ain't love grand? :)
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Comment by rj, Co-founder on October 17, 2008 at 12:46pm
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YoKasta, thanks for inviting me to comment on this particular blog. I sense that you and your beau are on to something very special and that it will come to full and its most fulfilling fruition if the two of you continue to lay a firm foundation.
I once wrote to you that it’s such an ugly thing that’s done with beauty in our world that the only way a person can consistently maintain their self-confidence and self-respect is through unyielding self-acceptance.
Such acceptance must not only emanate from within oneself, but one must also extend it to the significant other with whom one wishes to have the most intimate relationship.
Of course, this does not mean that one should ‘accept’ or condone everything his/her lover does, but that one should accept without question or compromise everything his/her lover is for sake of personal health, happiness and wholeness.
For example, while it may be true that you did not choose alopecia, you have chosen to give the condition new and magnificent meaning for your life rather than permit it to render your life less meaningful and magnificent.
In so doing, you have opted not to obsess over treatments and cures, but to give yourself liberating and uplifting options like being openly alopecic and adorable as well as bald and beautiful. I also gather that you reserve and relish the exclusive right to wear fashion pieces like scarves and wigs as often as you merely wish.
I hope that you have taken such an approach to living with alopecia because it empowers you to continue living life to the fullest. If so, then in my honest opinion you are right to remain reticent, especially until your beau truly comes to the realization that what you do with and about your alopecia are things that you must do for you and not things you should do for him or anyone else.
You are not “robbing” him or anyone else of anything when you exhibit your alopecia just as you desire. On the contrary, your alopecia presents just one of many opportunities both of you will have to rise above the “easy dislikes and preferences” to which society has made us so accustomed and instead accelerate the deepening and consummation of the true and lasting love for which your hearts have brought you together again.
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Comment by JeffreySF on October 17, 2008 at 10:54pm
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Hi Kat,
Welcome back!!! I have missed you so much.
I'm so happy you are experiencing love & passion.
Life is a bumpy ride fasten your seatbelt and enjoy!!!
Love you and welcome back,
Jeff
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Comment by claire on October 19, 2008 at 9:55am
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great news im really happy for you x
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