well i went to see the doc this morning and i got more of the injections. i have some spots that are not even attempting to put out hair and then some other spots that are growing like crazy. i have to say that i am extremely emotional today and i have started losing hair in a very private spot. that has plunged me into an extreme crazy frezy. it makes me think that this is not going to get better even though the doc says that she is very optimistic about complete regrowth. i snapped at a lady in the gas station this morning when she asked me if i am going through chemo i just told her to mind her own business and walked out. i HATE that i did that and i immediatly felt quilty about it! i have always been a really outgoing person and now i have moments where i just want to lash out. it goes so against my personality it is like i don't even know who i am any more. i cried in the doc's office this morning and had a little breakdown. who the hell have i become???? i really have been doing a lot better over the last couple of days. my daughter and i were busy with friends all weekend and that helped a lot, but if they don't guilt me into coming out of the house i just don't. and after all of those feelings i hate that i am not just eternally grateful to be extremely healthy and there is nothing actually wrong with me but the hair loss. i hate that i have always been a confindent woman and know i know that im not and never have been because the only thing that is different in my life is i have lost my hair. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Views: 1

Comment by Amber Lounder on October 7, 2008 at 10:42pm
I understand what you are going through. I just went through something very similar You will be ok !! Crying is good, get it out of your system.
I think a different kind of confidence comes along with alopicia, a healthier one!!!
Comment by Jenn on October 8, 2008 at 8:41am
thanks to both of you, i feel like sybil with all of these different emotions. yesterday i was ready to commit myself and today i am feeling ok. i got up this morning and was dancing around getting ready for work. i cant keep up with all of the different people i have become.
Comment by Reen on October 8, 2008 at 9:35am
*hugs* i'm right there with you on the emotional ups and downs! I get so frustrated and i just lose it with people. What can you do? Sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room and NEVER come out until i have hair down to my butt again.
Comment by Celeste Edwards on October 9, 2008 at 12:27pm
Hi Friend!!

Oh, I haven't cried for DAYS...Until I saw your beautiful face and read your story!! Girl!!! I think we are living the same life!! Although I haven't had the "honor" of being asked if I am going through cancer treatment (THANK GOD ... cause in my current state, I'm pretty sure i would smack someone ;) I am blown away most days with the amount of curse words that seem to fall out like flowers lately!! Don't get me wrong, I've always had a Sailors Mouth ... and on occasion, would proclaim it to be Sailor Day ... But this is rediculous! Must be my release :)

Um, I am right there with ya in the disapering hair "down there" .. Frankly, I am 100% okay with that hair going bye-bye!!! But the inconsitancy of it is QUITE funny!!! Thank God for razors :) Hey, it saves the torture of waxing/electrolosis and it didn't cost us one red cent!! FINALLY a benefit!!!

Wish you were closer!! i think a couple bottles of wine would be in short order!!!

Take Care!
C
Comment by Jenn on October 9, 2008 at 3:49pm
yall are just all the sweetest people and i don't know what i would do without yall! the alopecia conference is next year in houston i hope everyone goes so that we can all meet. i just live up the road so it is easy for me
Comment by dollydreadful on January 7, 2009 at 7:24pm
Jen i just commented on my friends page that i lashed out at my coworker today and felt pretty crumby post sometimes I feel guilty that i complain here because i have lost three spots so far - but its scary and its hard to deal with uncertainty - on top of that people ask questions and we don;t ahve the answers !!! hang in there you seem awesome -

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