Alopecia World
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My Story
When I first descovered a bald spot, I freaked out. I went through all the reasonings for it. I decided it was probably because I had just died my hair, and maybe it was too much. It was only small about the size of a quarter. A couple weeks later it was the size of a loonie. I was starting to get more worried at this point, so I went to the doctor, they did some blood work, and the doctor came in and said you have Alopecia Areata. I was so confused at this point. She did however tell me my hair would grow back in a coulpe months and I would be fine. So I went home thinking my situation wasnt that bad at all. The bald spot did start growing back, but it fell out again, and has remained completely bald. Anyways, I went to another doctor just for a second opinion, and he too said within a year my hair will all grow back. It's been 4 months and clearly its not growing back, It's getting worse. I've lost about 50% of my hair, and at this point, Im trying very hard to prepare myself..Im going to go bald.
Now to make matters worse, about 2 months ago, I got pregnant. Me and My boyfriend were thrilled.
That weekend, I started bleeding, so we went to emergency, and they told me, " Your probably having a miscarriage." and sent me on my way. -Thanks.
So because I was bleeding, they ordered an emergency ultrasound, in which they couldnt tell me anything. At this point it was the scariest thing ever. All I wanted to know was if my baby was alright. It was just complete silence.
I went to my doctor, and he informed me that I had a molar pregnancy, and that there was never a baby. My heart broke, my mind was going a million miles a minute, I didnt even know what this was.
For those of you that dont know, It happens in the beginning stages of pregnancy, your body produces cells to make the baby, with me, something went wrong, and my body just kept producing cells, and forming tissue in my uterus.
So, I had to go for surgery that night to remove it. Once that was over with. I thought that was it, I can go on with my life now, and try and get over this. Nope. I guess when they did the surgery they didnt get all the tissue( which can be cancerous) so I was put on a low dosage of chemo to get rid of it, once a week It was working great, my HcG level (pregnancy hormone) was going down, and I was supposed to be almost done. But then, my body became immuned to the chemo. So now Im on alittle bit higher of dosage and going every second week. So fingers crossed there will soon be an end to this. Point is, Im not sure if the chemo, has been playing a part in me losing more hair than normal...I dont know.
This has all been extremely hard for me. I've never heard of either one of these things, and both happened.
It doesnt seem fair at all. Not that there's really a point in me trying to figure out whats fair and whats not..
I just want to be normal again. I dont want to have hundreds of doctors apointments, getting poked with needles all the time, I dont want to watch my hair fall out everytime I have a shower, I dont want to be afraid that my bald spots are showing..I just want this all to go away.
Now to make matters worse, about 2 months ago, I got pregnant. Me and My boyfriend were thrilled.
That weekend, I started bleeding, so we went to emergency, and they told me, " Your probably having a miscarriage." and sent me on my way. -Thanks.
So because I was bleeding, they ordered an emergency ultrasound, in which they couldnt tell me anything. At this point it was the scariest thing ever. All I wanted to know was if my baby was alright. It was just complete silence.
I went to my doctor, and he informed me that I had a molar pregnancy, and that there was never a baby. My heart broke, my mind was going a million miles a minute, I didnt even know what this was.
For those of you that dont know, It happens in the beginning stages of pregnancy, your body produces cells to make the baby, with me, something went wrong, and my body just kept producing cells, and forming tissue in my uterus.
So, I had to go for surgery that night to remove it. Once that was over with. I thought that was it, I can go on with my life now, and try and get over this. Nope. I guess when they did the surgery they didnt get all the tissue( which can be cancerous) so I was put on a low dosage of chemo to get rid of it, once a week It was working great, my HcG level (pregnancy hormone) was going down, and I was supposed to be almost done. But then, my body became immuned to the chemo. So now Im on alittle bit higher of dosage and going every second week. So fingers crossed there will soon be an end to this. Point is, Im not sure if the chemo, has been playing a part in me losing more hair than normal...I dont know.
This has all been extremely hard for me. I've never heard of either one of these things, and both happened.
It doesnt seem fair at all. Not that there's really a point in me trying to figure out whats fair and whats not..
I just want to be normal again. I dont want to have hundreds of doctors apointments, getting poked with needles all the time, I dont want to watch my hair fall out everytime I have a shower, I dont want to be afraid that my bald spots are showing..I just want this all to go away.
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Comment by Carmella on August 30, 2008 at 3:49pm
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I'd love to have the name of that doctor ... so I can write them a letter explaining how it is improper to give false hope, espeacially on matters that no one really understands yet. Jeez, if we had believe the world was flat ....
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Comment by Mauricio on August 31, 2008 at 10:18am
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You need to take control. You need to choose what path you're going to take. My girlfriend was on different treatments for the last four years. In my mind everything was fine. Partly because I believed some of it was psychosomatic and the rest; well she was being treated for it. As the years went by they changed the treatments and the prognosis for recovery became grim. I had no idea the toll it was taking on her. To me it's just hair. In fact, I always used to tell her "life isn't hair, baby, it's ok". Well, it wasn't ok, she was hurting.
So, the way I see it, you take control. You choose how you want things to play out. Do you want to continue to pursue a "normal" life at the risk of having your heart broken, or do you change your perspective and realize that despite the importance that society places on hair (especially on women) it's not all that important?
I also think it's important to get counseling. These are not things we are trained to deal with. When we need help, we should not hesitate in seeking it.
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Yes, I can absolutely see how my words may seem abrasive, but you have to understand that is not my intention. What I wanted from my girlfriend (we'll call her Sandra) was to not be afraid. To not let anything keep her from being and showing the beautiful person that she is (with hair or without). Alopecia is a hard thing to deal with, and hence it requires that you make hard decisions; but you don't have to go at it alone, no one does. Women don't have to conform to what magazines tell them is beautiful. This is not something to be ashamed of. With that said, I also understand that it is not an easy thing to deal with. It isn't necessary the loss of hair that brings grief, but how we think others will see us.
By the way, I did not tell her it was psychosomatic. That is what I believed. I was wrong. I have been dedicating myself to learn more about this condition so that in the future I can be better prepared to treat Sandra like she deserves to be treated.
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Comment by Mandy on August 31, 2008 at 7:55pm
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Wow when it rains it pours, huh? I'm so sorry to hear these things have happened to you. That's a lot of grieving to go through all at once. But keep your chin up. You will be fine - you can do it! Please let me know if you ever need advice or someone to talk to.
Hugs,
Mandy
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