I am not sure if this is a rant, or what, but lately I have come into some comments that really really bother me.  I have been wearing wigs for years, and when I got started, I was scared to death. Finally, I got used to it, ignored the comments from people about my hair falling out...bald spots, you name it. People mean well, but being told I am shedding isn't something I didn't know about. No, really, I already knew, but thank you so much.  When I finally got used to wearing wigs, one day they just became fun, even a fashion statement. Now they are a (albeit necessary) part of my wardrobe. I can change colors and styles to match my outfit.  I got past all the hateful comments and, dare I say, bullying, about losing my hair. Yes, people can be mean when they don't understand.

The cool part is that a long time ago quit being private about losing my hair, and it's been awesome the women (and men) I have met who want to talk to me on occasion about what they are going through. It gives you such an incredible way to share, and meet new people, and share inspiration back and forth.

Now we are evolving again, with people going bald on purpose, this is incredible, awesome too! Unfortunately, I am starting to get comments again from people I know who suffer hair loss (and some who don't).  I have to take issue with some of these comments I get because I choose not to go bald.  I have received some pressure from people, (almost?) hurtful, even close to bullying, all over again, because I want to wear wigs. Personally, it feels almost as bad as it did when my hair started falling out. Maybe it's just a self conscious trigger that is constantly trying to heal.  I just wish people would leave me alone and stop trying to tell me that I am weak or closed minded because I don't want to change, I do change! Every day, sometimes more than once a day, lol.

I think women who want to go bald are awesome, and strong! But those (men too, sorry) who chose not to are walking a path that requires just as much strength and self worth. It does NOT matter to me where you are on this continuum, you gotta do what's right for you. Just remember that we are not all the same, please?

Thanks for listening. You are all just flat out amazing.

--Cat

Views: 2043

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Very well said.
I to feel great about my wigs..
Sometimes get frustrated hen they discontinue my favorite ones.
If there was a cure ; I would continue wearing wigs.
There was time I wasn't ...they will get there .
Amen girl! We all should do what works best for each of us.

I too wear a wig. I hate it because my head is hot in the warm months and my head sweats. I don't want to go through the comments about why I don't have hair. I get strangers coming up to me asking if I have cancer when I go out in a scarf. That irks me. I want to say no, do you? I know they mean well but I personally think it's rude. Anyway, to each his own. I choose to wear a wig to keep the comments down. I would never comment to anyone about being bald, or having a limp, or missing a limb, or having blue eyes or brown eyes and so on! 

Everyone is amazing and this is a very emotional condition. It's not easy losing all your hair. I always loved my hair. 

Gosh, won't it be great if people minded their own businesses and focused their concerns on what is really wrong with the world? 

Hi Cat

Yes it does seem to have become 'trendy' for models to have shaved their hair very short - Zara feature several models for example.  However these girls have a choice, they can shave their hair off knowing whenever they decide too, they can grow it back. Some of us arent that lucky sadly, we cant choose to grow our hair back, whether we have hair loss due to alopecia, autoimmune hair loss, genetics, illness etc.  I hate that i have to shave what is left of my hair very short - I mean I really hate it!  I hate that my scalp hurts, that my hair is so thin you can see my scalp.  I have lupus and it sucks! I have said it out loud IT SUCKS!  I am not embarrassed to say that I have cried a lot - seeing the bath with hair floating around it in (I blocked the bath twice).  My eyebrows are now going too. Arrghh!  I am not going to lie or pretend that more than anything I would love my hair to grow back as it was before - thick, unruly and a pain to keep tidy!  I havent had good luck in the wig department - I find it so hard to find one that suits me colour wise and style wise.  I have bought several mistakes (expensive mistakes).  It makes me sad that you have received comments/pressure about wanting to wear wigs.  Thats your choice.  We all have a choice, we are all different, we all feel differently about what is happening to us, and we all deal with things differently.  Big hug Cat!  So Cat what are your favourite brand of wigs, styles etc?  xxx

Hello Group,

As the mother of a daughter with AU I have found comfort in always being their for my daughter's needs. I always seem to find the best for her whether it be brow pencil, eyelashes or wigs. This has made my daughters journey a bit easier. I agree that if living without wigs works,  more power to you. If that was my daughters choice, then I would support that. I do find that the journey of wearing a wig can be hard until you find the one that really works for you. The same could be said about eyebrows and eyelashes. With much research I have found what looks natural for her.I would like to share this with all that have responded. 

Eyelashes- Madam Madeline on line sells amazing lashes that are natural and can be used for up to 2 weeks. Ariel #109. Amazing and they offer 18 % off if you have medical hair loss. Just send them a note and they send you the code. I get them for about $2.50 a pair where they sell in stores for double that price. Please take a look at their website. I love them. For eyebrows, girls go to Mac Makeup and I find their make up artists to be kind and helpful to those that need help with hair loss. This is how my daughter learned to apply her makeup after she lost her beautiful lashes and eyebrows. Let the experts teach you. I have seen so many badly applied eyebrows because they do not take the time to learn where they should begin and where they should end, let alone the color they should be using. After my daughter lost her eyelashes, while I was out of town, I called Mac and made an appointment and told them how much I needed their help and they turned out to make her look like she did before her loss and she came out of her sadness like I have never seen. That lifted my heart up and most importantly hers. Also I have seen that if microbladding eyebrows is becoming popular. She has not had this done, but I must say those I have seen look pretty good. Again, I am not suggesting this for anyone, I am just saying that this help is out there. Regarding good wigs. she wears human hair wigs that I have designed and had made for her with a factory in China that I actually went to meet with in Quigdao.. I love this factory and I am obtaining quality hair and amazing caps for her. Unfortunately, this industry has mark ups like I have never seen before. Take the time to read about my trip to China a year ago and how I went to to 6 factories in two days. That is another story. Going back to wigs, my daughter uses synthetic wigs for exercise and running errands. I highly suggest the Rachel Welsh, all hand tied ones and also the Noriko wigs. Best place to find them is Name Brand Wigs or Wilshire Wigs. Ask for Michael the owner of Wilshire Wigs and tell him Lisa sent you. He knows me well because all of my daughters human hair wigs are cut or repaired when needed by his amazing employees. Also, he will meet any price on the internet. Please anyone who needs advice or guidance I am there for you. Giving back to others helps me when I feel sad about my daughter losing her hair. To those of you who want to know how my daughter is doing, she has an amazing boyfriend, a great job, great friends and is living her life to the fullest and the AU is not stopping the game of LIFE. She is my hero.

Thanks for sharing! Really appreciate it! Would you mind to share the factories you visited in China? I'm curious. Thanks again. It seems like your daughter has an angel as a mom!

Thank you for sharing!  My daughter is 11 and has AA.  I always worry that it will turn into AU or AT (not entirely sure of the difference, my apologies) My hope is that if it does, I can be as great a mom to her as you are to your daughter.  I want her to feel confident enough to live her life fully no matter what. Your story gives me hope that we can face whatever challenges come our way.  

Hi;
I am sorry you have felt pressure to go bald.
I find you courageous. I hide under my same wig everyday. I have bought several due to my 4 years w alopecia. It hasn't been so severe lately and this summer has been amazing because I have been able to sport a tight bun on top of my head w an elastic hair wrpped tie and powder hair for my scalp. I haven't been so hot. It's been great. I am planning next year to return to kayaking because my wig won't fly off into the water.
This is a horrible condition that leaves strong women feeling emotionally weak. Anything we can use to return and get back our confidence I think it is our right to use. And I agree if you get strength by telling others and being a martyr as bald. Or moving forward with quiet strength, or something in the middle. We are all at different stages and can only cope in our own unique way.

I too have noticed the sting of some of the comments coming from some of those who prefer to go wigless.  Bravo for them, but for me, never will anyone see me without my wig on, heck my own doctor has never seen me without my wig.  That is MY decision and no one else gets to weigh in on that decision.  I have had AU for almost 44 years now and what I went thru can not be described, the pain and rejection not to mention the doctors who made me feel like a freak.   I consider myself blessed that my husband never made me feel less than the person he fell in love with before my hair loss.  He always made me feel loved more and more each day until his passing 5 years ago.  Why people feel they have the right to judge is beyond me, wig or no wig to each their own, it is what makes them comfortable.

Hi Cat,

I am so sorry to see this about the bullying. Some people can be horribly insensitive, even cruel. Please try to remember, it's not you, it's them.  I do not have alopecia, but lost my hair to chemo several years ago, and it certainly was traumatic.  One of the biggest fears for me was how to tell people without having them feel sorry for me.  

You wonder how people can be so horrible, but I think we just are not taught how to talk to someone who is different.  What do you say?  You would not believe the comments we get - most people think that a good way to show empathy is by telling a cancer patient how many people they've know that died from a similar cancer.  Or suggesting it was our fault because we didn't eat "right", have rare food allergies, need the newest miracle supplement, etc.  I had to tell my best friend about 10 times in her rambling sentence that I didn't want to hear about all the people she knew that died.  I finally raised my voice and said, "SHUT UP!"

Then a light went on in her eyes.  This is a very compassionate person, and she honestly thought these comments were displaying her empathy!

When I found out I was losing my hair, I stole an idea I saw online that really touched me.  I had my husband take a photo of just my face (my still-present hair tied back).  Then I emailed or mailed it to all my friends and asked them to "Decorate my head!"  The responses I got were so sweet, most were really funny, and it lightened up an otherwise terrifying situation.  Most of all, I felt I had taken charge and it brought us all much closer.

I applaud you for your courage; thanks so much for sharing your experience!

xoxo

Laurie

Cat, girl I am with you! Totally understand because I feel the same! I cannot go out in public without a wig on and I think I'll never do! That is very personal and I don't feel like me if I do. I'm sorry if everyone else feel they are not supported but guess what? Everyone is different and its entitled to choose the best way to handle this situation. If going bald makes you happy and strong, good for you I admire those beautiful women that do that. If you decide to wear a wig like I do, good for us too. We have choices ladies, and its fun to change color, style, length. I feel sexy, attractive even more than when I had my own hair. Everyone has the right to choose what makes you happy, confident to handle this unexpected situation. I do accept I have a condition but I don't accept to go bald in public because I don't feel comfortable. Period

RSS

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

AlopeciaWorld.com: It's hair loss support at its best!

© 2019   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service