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Time to face the truth (loneliness)
The dating market sucks if you have AU. I am a 22 male and have only had 1 girlfriend back when I was 17, I met her online.
I've seen women interested in me sometimes, but it doesn't occur much. In the past five years, I can remember two cases (of which one was extremely drunk). Haven't even had as much as a makeout in the past 5 years, let alone getting laid. Started working out and gained 8 kilograms of muscle, kind of plateaued now. It helps generate interest, as long as my head is covered with a hat or something.
Is this what it comes down to? Conforming as much as possible to society's beauty standards by dressing well and being muscular. Even then, I'll probably be at the same level as a regular dude on the streets who does not spend much time on his appearance.
Lately, I haven't even bothered to look at women anymore, or flirt with them. I also quit viewing pornography. Because of this, it has really sunk in at how much of a disadvantage I am. Writing this makes me feel sad, pain in my chest. Perhaps it has always been there, and I had never dealt with it.. only to have it resurface now.
I'm kind of at a loss. I will keep hitting the gym, for shallow yet realistic reasons (that doesn't bother me so much).
How do I increase my chances of finding a partner? I want someone to share my life with, especially now that I'm on the right track. Active and a straight A student in IT field.
I could write a lot more, but this pretty much sums it up.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Maurice on
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Thanks for your reply. Confidence is not a big issue, I was in a bit of a downward spiral as I wrote this post. Times are different now. Also for me there have been plenty of opportunities I missed. So I'm keeping my eyes open better now. Just messaged a girl actually.
AU/AA will make it harder, but I won't give up!
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Permalink Reply by Amanda_kay1994 on
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Hi I'm amanda and I have alopecia universalis and I'm 22. I totally 100% get where your coming from guys my age don't seem to be interested in dating a bald girl. I live in Temecula,CA. Where do u live?
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Possibly you are going for the wrong girls.
I am sure you are an intelligent and amazing person.
You need open minded girls who not superficial.
A lot of women are accepting of balding men. When I go to the city I see countless bald men with women.
I think you need to join an interest group where there are women like on meetup.
Forget nightclubs, bars and dating sites.
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Yes, it's partly for that reason that I don't like nightclubs, bars and dating sites! Some bars are great, but not for hitting on women (for me at least).
It's cocky but I like to describe myself as intelligent as well! Meetup sounds good. I also joined mixed gymnastics classes.
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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You are like every other dude. The bald head and the muscles don't mean crap. If you feel women are only interested in looks that generally means that's all your interested in in women. I've lived with AU for forty years believe me what needs to be changed are your attitudes . Hang around good people and get good results. Hang around people with narrow cues and that's what you get.
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I see, a reflection of my inner self? While I think beauty matters, I value personality much more. I made this post in november, and it is now april.
You mentioned:
> I've lived with AU for forty years believe me what needs to be changed are your attitudes . Hang around good people and get good results
I am working on my study, career and sports (hobbies). Also trying to make some more contact with girls, there are few I am genuinely interested in.
Thanks for the advice, it's what I have been doing the past months coincidentally! Your advice reinforces my beliefs.
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Well sad. I'm wondering what you are giving up on . You see that's the thing about life every human being has problems to deal with. But don't give up don't lay down. You say your into fittnes. Great run some 5 k's half marathons or whole marathons. Take whatever you love to do and do it big. Give your whole life to it. And guess what. You will meet that special woman. You won't find her sitting around complaining. Your to good to give up.
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Permalink Reply by Sad1995 on
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Alopecia as a man sucks big time. Women are far more superficial than men. A girl can throw on a wig and as long as she is some what attractive men will still pursue her. It's hard enough for an average guy with hair, with AT/AU there is almost no chance. Not even women with alopecia will date us. It's a lost cause man. I'm giving up.
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Permalink Reply by hagster on
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If you can't learn to like /love yourself (with Alopecia, shyness, big belly, less than pecfect smile, or whatever), then no one else will be able to love you either. Cliche, but very true.
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very very very true.
but it does not mean that even if you like/love yourself others will...
humans can be cruel
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humans can be cruel. yes. but, they can also be kind, interested, loving, friendly, etc.
if you like yourself and send those vibes out into the universe, then they can be reciprocated. if you exude nothing but neg vibes, thats how you will be answered.
op: you seem to have been using porn as a substitute for companionship and were depressed when you first posted. possibly the sadness had been around for years. you seem to be doing some of the right things, but my suggestion is to get some help to be able to accept your alopecia, the bald head that goes with it, and (what you think) are the other things that are wrong with your life. when you can accept yourself as you are, then others can also accept you in kind.
unfortunately, there are many people who have worse problems than alopecia to deal with in their everyday life.
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