My friend tells me "I have AA because I'm too vain and God is punishing for it by giving me this disease"

I'm pretty mad about this. One of my best friends(which I'm not sure she is anymore)tells me " I have AA because I'm to vain and God is punishing for it by giving me this disease."
I was trying not to tell my friends but I just can't hide it anymore. Since she was one of my best friends I wanted to let her in on it first. At first she was like I'm so sorry! The next day she tells me she has been thinking about it all night and says the line above. I was stocked! I've had AA since I was 9 I guess I was a vain 9 year old!
Just so everyone one knows my friend who told me this does beauty pageants! Oh and also got Botox at 26. Just saying!
I'm so shocked I don't know what to say to her?

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I have heard it said that people make rude comments in areas that they most dislike about themselves (because it is closest to their awareness?). If you apply this (because, after all, when one points a finger, three other fingers are pointing back at self) to your "friend," maybe SHE uses the V word freely because she knows it so well within herself and within her outlook on life!

Maybe you can ONLY talk about personalities, not outward looks, with her from now on. I'm sure that would drive her nuts, if she is so into beauty pageants!

If alopecia is in our genes, since before birth, how could her comment even be true at all?


What a disappointing reaction for you, it really does show a terribly lack of empathy from your friend - who obviously is a fairly self absorbed character.

As you will be realizing sometimes you find out who is worthy of your time and effort and sometimes you find out the opposite. This young woman is not worthy of your time or effort. You do not have to prove anything to her or her thought processes as she seems rather damaged.

Surround yourself with people that care and want to see you be successful in your life. Your alopecia will not define this, you will define that. You have the ability to move onwards and upwards to be all you can be without people like your friend trying to put you in a place where you surely don't fit!


Hi Elaine, I'm sorry to hear about your AA. As for your so-called friend, I would find another.

Thank you Tallgirl and Rosy! That really makes me feel a lot better. I think you are both right. She has always been pretty vain her self looking back at it. If she would have said this to me a year ago before my hair was this bad I may have taken it better. But right now everything is extra hard for me since my fall out is getting worse by the day. I'm not sure if I'm going to try oral steroids or a wig? What does kill you makes you stronger!
I don't wish bad on any one but what comes around goes around. You need to treat people the way you would like to be treated. Don't judge something or someone you don't understand.
Thanks agian :D Have a wonderful day!
Thanks Brenda! :)

I'm sorry that your friend said that. It wasn't fair of her. I have had friends tell me I'm unattractive because of my AA and it hurts. My hair has been falling out since I was 4 and as a child it affects your whole life. I told my boyfriend god made my hair fall out this time because I was too vain but I know that it just happens. It's no ones fault, I can't point fingers. Having AA makes your stronger than most people. Don't ever let anyone doubt your strength, not even yourself. If they aren't willing to stand by you then they didn't deserve your strength and friendship in the first place.

Hey Elaine - don't get mad. Y'see, this is a living, breathing demonstration of one of the wonders of nature - out of the billions of cells in the human brain, some people only have 6 or 7 that actually work. And in your pal's case, that's probably an over-estimation....
On the other hand, if you're into the God thing, you should realise that he makes her say things like that so everyone will know she's a complete arse. And, of course, you need to cherish and nurture her..... cos no matter what you say or do, next to her you'll look like some sort of Wonder Gal.

But don't let that stop you from giving her a good kicking from time to time - it'll make you feel better, and it won't really hurt her as it'll be cushioned by all that Botox ;)

I did get a good kick or two in the other day. I feel bad but I had too. She made it too easy! Lol I had to get her back for the means things she has said to me.

Have you ever heard of Job's friends in the bible? That is what your friend sounds like.Please realize that she does not know what she is talking about. Our loving God does not cause disease or conditions like this. We live in a fallen world.I am sorry that you are dealing with alopecia and a friend like this.

Wow, thats a pretty bold statement....especially from someone who considers you their friend! Some people dont consider how deep words can sometimes cut and its worse hearing it from someone you trust. I agree with previous comments that others left and it us quite possible she is the one who is truely vain! Maybe she holds a resentment over something you may have said to her in the past?!? She seems to be concerned about her appearance, maybe she is insecure and was jealous of you at one point? Just a thought...
I recently told a friend how I was now shaving my head because my patches had become too difficult to hide and he replied with " remember when you used to make fun of my hair? Welcome to my world, lol!" this response somewhat surprised me because I don't feel i ever made fun of his receeding hair line but he often would comment on it. Obviously I must of commented at some point and he hadn't forgotten about it. Im sure whatever i said wasnt melicious and was just said in fun or even in response to his own comments about being bald but since he was/is insecure, it stuck with him. I am much more careful and try to approacheveryone and everything with an open mind. I dont feel like i was judgemental but im just more aware of peoples insecurities as well as mine, thus experience is humbling to say the least!

Say no more to her.....I think you should cut her off. She does not deserve your friendship.

Hi Elaine. I so agreed with Cindie. Your friend doe snot deserve your friendship. Her comment should let you know exactly what she thinks of your friendship. My best friend of 20 years would not ever say that to me.



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