Alopecia World
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I am new and I need some help
Hi all. I am new here, and I came here in hope of getting some support for my wife. As my screen name suggests, I am married to a woman with Alopecia. As Im sure all of you on here that suffer from the same disease know that this disease can make life very difficult, and my wife is no exception. My wife has suffered from it for many years, but she has never came to terms with it. She is in denial of the disease and does not want to accept that it is part of who she is now. As a result of trying to escape from something she cant change, she tries really difficult to overcompensate. She wants to be the most beautiful, but it is a destructive lifestyle. She is obsessive about things like makeup and fashion all the time. She is very angry at celebrities or other women who get attention from the way they look. She is always filled with negativity and she has no way to stop it. I feel that most of her lifestyle is based on her just trying to escape from her loss of hair. My wife is beautiful, and smart, and talented, and there is no reason that this problem should ruin her life. I love her and try to support her as much as I can, but there is only so much that I can do for her alone. I believe probably the biggest reason why she has not been improving so much is because she has never associated with another person with the disease. I really think that she needs some support from others with the disease so she can feel better about herself. I read that it is the most effective therapy, and I know other people that had success with other kinds of support groups. I also have seen many users on this site that greatly benefit from being connecting with others with alopecia. She said she would join this site but she is always afraid to do it. But as her husband, I strongly feel she needs this kind of support so she can stop her destructive lifestyle and feel comfortable in her own skin. If all possible, I would greatly appreciate it if there were some users on here that welcomed her and encouraged her to come on here and talk about things she deals with. For now I will call her Eve because she was going to use that name, but she will introduce herself if my plan works and she comes on. I know my wife would be very happy if she was welcomed with open arms and could tell others how she feels. Thank you all for reading this and for those of you who respond.
-Mr. A (just for now)
-Mr. A (just for now)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Karma Wairau on
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Hi Ya,
I have only been a member of this fantastic site for a few weeks, that as a 35 yr old woman who has had alopecia totalis for the last 3 years, it has been wonderful to be able to log into this site & read similar stories about what not only I but others are, have & will go through with this disease that you never hear about unless you are the sufferer, or a loved one of the sufferer. This is a beautiful place to visit. From the other side of the world, I can read others testamonies about there journey with Alopecia. I have read others comments on this discussion, & it all helped me too. The similar feelings, grief, frustration, acceptance etc even reading about nightmares, or weird dreams. Ive had weird dreams of it growing back rapidly...POOOFFFF!! lol, once I dreamt about going to a dress-up party as a beautiful princess,(of some type, minus the tiara) & when I walked in, I was dressed as Captain Prichard(i think thats his name) off Star Trek...??? so there can be goodtimes & bad times, highs & lows, just really helps to have someone next to you who is supportive as well as sympathetic,compassionate & thinks she still looks sexy hehehe helps sooo much. I feel & see that you are those & more.
Ask her if she wants to look at your profile, maybe even decorate your page filled with love about her :) anything is better than nothing I spose. You, she, will be able to read about many different journeys with Alopecia in here, its a great place for help & advice.
Well many blessings, & I agree with alot of replys to this discussion.
Peace Love & Harmony, Karma :D
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Permalink Reply by Emily Horsley on
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Wanting to look good isn't destructive. I never left the house without make up before I lost my hair and I wouldn't now! Not sure of the actual definition of disease but I don't like to think I have one - I have a 'condition' that means my hair wont grow but I'm not ill!!!!
If Eve ever wants to talk fashion - please get in touch and if you need a shoulder I'm here for that too. We are all beautiful. Alopicia is part of me and my family, friends and work but it doesn't dictate who I am and what I can achieve!
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Permalink Reply by Carol on
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you sound totally supportive, which is wonderful. i have alopecia universalis for 25 yrs. now. in the past have been a NAAF support person. "talking" with others is such a help. here, we all know how she feels and here she can "let her hair down"!! a sense of humor helps also. i definitely hope she reaches out to others.
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Permalink Reply by stefan williams on
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Hi there, my name is stefan a I am a 36 year old male who has lived with alopecia areata since i was 3 years old, I know that sometimes people say that it is worse for women than it is for men but to be honest ithink that both sexes must experience the very same feelings, of sadness, worthlessness, anger, jelousy, frustration.. I myself have only recently after many years begun to accept the fact that I am bald, have no eyebrows, or eyelashes, its not an easy task, my association with bald is ugly, but after years of psycological therapy, there is now a very small beleif that maybe bald isn't necessarily ugly. although our circumstances maybe differnt, maybe there are some similarities in our situations. I have a very supportive partner, have been together for 20 years, in that time my quest in life and even before my relationship began has been to try and prove myself attractive to the rest of the world, all i ever wanted to hear was a woman tell me I was attractive, or have someone flirt with me, if this didn't happen i was depressed.. my partner used to tell me every day how attractive she thought i was, but it didnt seem to count, I needed more proof, I mean how could I ever compete with other men out in the big wide world if other women didnt find me attractive, I was sure to lose my girlfriend to one of these men that women did find attractive, the ones with hair who wernt ugly, its a very uncomfortable thought pattern but one which i thought was true, and as you can imagine and understand was a very difficult task for my partner, as it sounds like you are experiencing.. I hope this relates to your situation and maybe able to spread some light on your wifes way of thinking.. I have worked on this for many years so if you feel i can be of help let me know and i'll be happy to chat some more..
Stefan
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Thank goodness that she has a husband that loves her for the way she is, hair or no hair. Despite all the ignorance and misunderstanding that the world can lay on her during her day, the fact that she has someone like you makes all else very small in importance. I am a 53 year old single never married man, who has been totally hairless for about 40 years. I wore a wig for about 35 years and toom it off about 5 years ago. I think that if I had the choice of finding someone yet in my life, (so far I have not found anyone) who accepts me with this condition as I am, or simply being able to snap my fingers and get all my hair back. I think I would take the first choice.
Thanks
Mark Hansen
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Permalink Reply by christine armstrong on
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you are such a sweetie for wanting to help her in this way...she shud come on tho as it wud really really help for her to know that she is not alone..i have had it since iwas 16 and am now 34...it aint easy but neither is life itself..i wud love to speak to her and offer any advise that i can..take care and look forward to speaking to your wife in the near future..all the very best to you both..xx
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Permalink Reply by Chris Jeffer on
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Hi Mr. A
My name is Chris and I know, as a woman, how hard it is to see your hair falling off your head and feeling helpless about it.
In another discussion I wrote that whether it is alopecia, cancer or learning to live in a wheelchair, we have to learn to live with the things that life throws us. It is interesting that some become depressed (which I did for quite some time), some come to terms with it and accept and even embrace it and others go between the two. I really believe that whatever shakeup occurs in our life, it is here to teach us something about ourselves. And as I mentioned in the other discussion, I began to read and research autoimmunity and came to the conclusion that most illness is stress related in one form or another. Stress can mean negative self talk like " I should be this or that" "I am not good enough" "So and so has a better ....... than me" or stress can be not dealing with your emotions. Mine was anger that I kept repressing. I was also subjecting myself to unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationships. Once I got to the bottom of my 'stress' and started honoring and respecting myself and dealing with my emotions in a healthy manner, my hair started to grow back. In fact, I went from having alopecia totalis and almost no eyebrows to where I am today with almost a full head of hair. If you want to read more about it, here is my new blog www.natural-treatment-for-alopecia.com/Chris. I wish you and your wife the best on your journey with alopecia.
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