Where acceptance is all there is
Hi everyone! I am new here but have had Alopecia for around 5 years. It began a few years into my marriage, only a couple of months after we moved across the country. My husband insisted we move because he believed LA would be better for his career chances.. I don’t know if having had to move so far from everyone and everything helped trigger my Alopecia, but sometimes I feel like it could have.. I always had super-long, beautiful hair until then, past my waist at many times. Now I have nothing.
Basically I am writing because I don’t have a whole lot of adults in my life who “know” about my Alopecia... the only one Nearby who knows is my husband. But he’s not always very kind about it... truth be told our relationship is rocky anyway, but whenever we argue or disagree and he gets mad, he’ll say something like “Well you’re the one with your hair falling out!” Or “Yeah, you’re messed up in the head and stupid, you’re mental, that’s why you’re hair fell out!” Etc.. And no we are not talking about my hair at the time, and no I have never commented on his appearance- we are arguing always about something completely unrelated. It’s really tough because he does have a habit of putting me down, and when Alopecia started it just gave him more ammo... sometimes I feel like maybe I should just go because he hates me so much but I’m scared since financially and educationally I’m not well off and have 2 little kids. I just wish I knew a better way to cope with him so it wouldn’t make me feel so upset or sad. Any advice you kindly provide is appreciated.. thanks everyone.
Your husband needs to GO!!! What a pompous ass.
Your move may very well have triggered your hair loss. It happened to me that way, a move. Gone for 10 years, came back for 20 and then my mother passed away and 6 months later it was gone again, still gone.
I'm a firm believer that stress triggers Alopecia. And, in your case, an unsupportive husband. Luckily I have a VERY supportive husband. He is the only one that has ever saw me with out a covering.
Stress can certainly trigger alopecia in some. Having a insensitive, unsupportive spouse does not help. Seek counseling if he won't go, you go. It will at least help you make an informed and confident decision regarding your relationship.
This isn't a conversation about Alopecia, in my opinion. It is a conversation about marriage. His comments about Alopecia are a symptom of something else. He sounds, from your side of the story, like a boy. A man would never respond to a woman he is supposed to love like this. I watched my daughter struggle, and eventually thrive, because of her Alopecia. It took a strong girl and a lot of support from family and friends to get her there. That is what you need to find.
If she were in this situation, I would tell her the same thing I will tell you: it is better to be single and happy than with someone and miserable.
My God, Cupcakes....you shouldn't have to go through this. He is an abuser -- what if something happened with one of your children that he didn't like? He would verbally abuse them, too. This relationship is not healthy for you or your children. I hope that you have family that you and the children can go to. He would have to pay child support -- if that's any comfort to you. And whatever you do....please do not bring any more children into this dysfunctional, unhealthy home.
I want you to know how very far from acceptable that is, he's not making fun.. he's being flat out abusive. I know it can be really easy to get numb to that kind of treatment, but you don't deserve that, no way. Here's a video that I hope helps, emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse
Please, please listen to everyone who responded saying that he is abusive. I know it hurts to hear, but it's true. Good spouses don't drag a major insecurity of yours into an argument, especially one that is absolutely not controllable.
I'm heartbroken that someone who is supposed to love you would say that about you. Maybe you can look into doing some upgrading or career training. It would open up options to you. Also, it would let meet people which helps a lot when you feel isolated. I hope things get better for you.
I would leave him because he does not hold his mouth to account.
messing with fire IMO
My ex used to be like that - always putting be down and making me stressed out. I think I lost my hair because of that. I am single now and happy.