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How to find the courage to go out in public bald
Ive had AA since I was 8 years old and this year I will be turning 24. Over the past few months I have become tired of covering my head all the time. The wigs are hot and at time uncomfortable. I do go out in my backyard without them and the wind and sun feels great on my head. My husband is completely supportive of me going outside bald and actually prefers me bald. My goal is to go out without anything on my head this summer, but deep down Im very afraid. So I guess my question is, how did you wake up one day and have the courage to out outside in public completely bald?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by alopeciamommy on
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Thank you JimB. I will. She is very brave and confident. She inspires me everyday. :)
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wow!
these are some really great replies. It's really good to come to a forum that supports what we have.
My SO was 24 years of age when he started losing his hair, OP.
It's not that bad for a guy, but his job depended on it. He was a male model, with long hair, a hot bod, and long eye lashes. Talent agencies constantly called on him for modeling assignments. With all of the blow drying, stress, hair spray they used on the sets and gawd knows what else, those products didn't help. He did everything he could to save his hair and his career. He stopped the perming/bleaching, started using Rogaine - which was not cheap in the 1980's. $2500 a month at the time. He tried wigs for men, but found they don't seem as "real" or "natural" as wigs for women.
Finally he accepted the fact when women would look at him and laugh at him right in the middle of the streets of New York City. Talent agencies stopped calling him up. He finally went to college in CA and graduated. But not without the constant snickering/malicious remarks about him being bald from college girls. He couldn't get a date, though he was handsome, the ladies were still cruel.
Fast forward, he keeps his head shaved. He does not care what the young ladies think, he's confident in who he his. Whenever he shows people a pic of himself when he was younger, people's reaction is the usual: "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??" he just laughs and says, "life, life is what happened."
Thus, by observing him, i learned that leaving the house without your wig/hat is not exactly earth shattering unless you're so famous that the paparazzi is waiting for you.
The police will not pull you over for "DWB" Driving while Bald.
And there are people out there that really don't care what you look like. Your soul will always shine through regardless.
P.S., your husband is a "keeper" by the way. :)
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Permalink Reply by Judy Woolley on
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WOW - I have been turning this problem over too. I have Alopecia Universalis and have had it since 2008. Every now and then I get little blond bits coming back and then disappearing. I have blond eyelashes at the moment. Which is very weird as my "use to be natural" hair colour is black/brown (albeit nowadays (if I had hair) would probably be grey, grey and more grey!)
Anyway, reading alot of the other comments, is like deja vu. My husband, my children and my sister say when they see me without my wigs, they don't see a bald me, they just see me and think I should just go for it. Feel the rush! I do go wigless around the home and outside in our garden and down to the letterbox, and yes, it is a lovely feeling to feel the sun on your head and the breeze blowing away the cobwebs.
What would be great would be if a group of us could get together and have a "wig free - how proud are we" day so that we could support each other. We could have an international "wig free - how proud are we" day!
Anywho I, as many others on this site, understand how you feel. And it is so great that this site exists as I know I don't feel so alone.
:)
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Personally, I have never gone in public bald and have no desire to. This probably would make a whole other thread, but I don't understand why some people seem to think that wearing a wig is something for the weak, or something that you need to "work" to abandon.
Have any of you read the bestselling novel Shine Shine Shine? The main character had alopecia and her mother would never let her wear a wig as a teen because "it was like wearing a clown nose." As an adult, she wore a wig for a few years and then finally realized that her mother was right and she "should have thrown the wig out the window" years ago.
I don't get it. What's wrong with wanting hair? What's wrong with wanting to restore what God created and what a disease destroyed?
Having said all that, to the OP, I wish you the best of luck if "going bare" is what you decide you want to do.
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Permalink Reply by PamFitros@boldlybaldwomen.com on
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Judy, go to Groups and look up the International Alopecia Day group. They do just that - all around the world. Every year more people join in and send pictures of themselves, whether by themselves or in a group of bald women, to Mary Marshall (IAD founder). She makes the pictures into a video and provides links to them. It's a really wonderful group. Mary was one of the women who submitted her story for Boldly Bald Women. She's amazing. I'm sure you'll love her.
She also has a Mannequin Project. Bald women stand posed next to bald mannequins in the same or similar clothing. Really cool. Very fun. Check it out!Pam
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Permalink Reply by OldandCranky on
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Hello there KLove890,
I have been a member of Alopecia World from some time now and receive email updates of new posts. I can honestly say that up until I saw your post I have never felt as compelled as I do now to contribute my experiences. There is so much great information here!
Firstly, your are gorgeous and I applaud you for living with AA since you were 8 - I can only imagine the challenges you faced when you were young.
I have AT. It first appeared two years ago, first as AA, then AT, then AU, now a mix of the two. I have no follicular growth on my head, eyebrows, eyelashes, armpits or nether regions ;-)
Having had long, curly hair up until 2012 I was devastated when large patches appeared. I used clip in extensions and clever up-do's to conceal, and for all intense and purpose, it concealed it quite well that no-one knew. However, once half the hair on my head had fallen out my frustration and desire to feel in control of something I could not led me to getting what hair I had left cut very short and bleached platinum blonde. About three months later I was tired, depressed and fed up and got my husband to shave my head. It is then that I purchased my first wig - two actually.
For 18 months or so I have worn wigs - all styles and wore them quite confidently, despite the itchiness, the heat and somehow always feeling that I wasn't being "me". I work full time in retail and felt I needed to do this so as to not draw attention to myself and for fear of what people would think. The common misconception being that I was going through chemo. This bothered me initially, but then I came to realise that I was one of the lucky ones - it was "just" Alopecia.
Driving home from work the first thing I would do was pull off my wig, sigh of relief and a dirty big scratch! Weekends I would go wig-free and as my DH would say, do my best Uncle Fester impersonation ;-) It was at those times I felt most liberated so began to venture out to the supermarket at first, then anything I did on the weekend was authentically me. No wig, just me.
I toyed with the idea of going wig-free regularly, and often "wished" I could and ranted on about the inequality of it all - why could men go bald without a question and not women .. blah. blah, blah.
Then, the light bulb went off and I realise doth only person holding me back from being authentically me was in fact ME. Four weeks ago I made the decision to go to work wig free and now live my life as I am. OMG to say I am liberated is an understatement. Yes, I still hate that I am bald and wish I had my luscious long hair back, but IT IS WHAT IT IS. I am healthy and have a condition that has caused my hair to fall out. Must say not having to shave is awesome!
The process has given me a renewed faith in human nature. Nobody stares (or maybe I just don't notice it - attitude counts for a lot), the comments have been overwhelmingly positive. The number of my customers who have applauded my decision, complete strangers, has been heartwarming. That in itself has buoyed me to feel such a great sense of pride in living as authentically as I can. In my mind, if I can help one other woman feel the confidence to shed the wig and be naturally herself then I feel completely proud.
My husband struggled with my condition for so long, he mourned the woman he married, at least visually. When he saw my new sense of confidence, he applauded and supported and made the most wonderful comment on Christmas Day. I actually wore a wig that day, not for me, but more his Mother who had made a comment that she felt it wasn't appropriate to go bald to work (don't even get me started on that one!). Half way through the day I got a belter of a headache, as the wigs often caused. He said just take it off, you look weird with a wig on anyway. As odd as it sounds that was the most wonderful thing he said to me.
So yes, I did wake up one day and feel the confidence to go wig free. It was a great challenge as driving to work I felt quite nervous. The rewards are immense and definitely worth the short term emotional doubts. People are wonderfully supportive and the only person you have to convince is yourself, as it is your decision.
Huge supportive hugs for you and my 100% support as you get closer to making your choice... go for it !!
Baldilocks xx
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Permalink Reply by KLove890 on
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Thank you so much for your kind words and telling me all about your experience, I hope to one day have the courage to step outside wig-less and to go to work with my bald head showing. Its nice to hear that Im not the only person that has gone through this.
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I wear makeup(@ least a bold lip & mascara no matter what),earrings; everything else about my appearance is Ultra feminine purposely. Some people will wonder or ask if you are a Survivor!(Cancer) - most will be accepting of your courage to be you. I had to remind myself that I didn't DO anything to deserve AA, it could've happened to anyone & it does. When I stopped acting like I was ashamed of having AA People's reactions became noticeably different, more accepting that it was a condition not a definition of me. You'll still get the occasional stares or uninformed comments from adults as well as children. You can allow your Self esteem to be beaten back or shore it up & know that you are Beautiful & you are not your hair.
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i have been completely bald since sept 2014 and went on vacation this past november and i went to the beach with out my wig, i did wear a hat to prevent sunburn but at times i took the hat off, walked on the beach, and i really didnt feel so uncomfortable, although people did look and stare but i really didn't care, and it its as hot this summer as it was onvaca i jst may do the same at home. after all the wig is hot.
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Permalink Reply by Andrea on
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I managed to go wigless about a year and a half ago. It was tough but by far the best decision I made. I was seeing a therapist at the time who helped me thru it but of course the onus was on me to overcome my fears. One failed attempt made me realise I needed a strategy: instead of going bald at work first (my biggest worry), I built up to it that way I could see how it felt to go public bald and of course pull out of it If I wanted to. So I started one Saturday by meeting friends for lunch and even managed to walked past a family with young kids and didn't have any stares, so then moved on to a dinner the following night at a wine bar then to a pub - turns out no one really cared! The last reveal was at work (a conservative work environment). An email to my close workmates the night before helped to explain the whole 'I don't have cancer thing'. Then I showed off my new look at work, mentioning to a few ppl that I was ok. Yes, I did stand out that day but it was so freeing that I didn't care. Plus my workmates weren't malicious, they just wanted to know if I was ok. So if they didn't come up to me, they spoke to ppl I was close to - the email was useful for this. After the excitement of my reveal I did have a comedown as i no longer could escape my alopecia (I had lost my hair 4 years prior) so that was overwhelming. But now I can do anything I want - I even made it to Everest base camp 6 months ago!
So in summary my advice is:
- lean on your support network,
- have a strategy and build up your reveals,
- it's an emotional process - my stomach flipped about a million times over
- be ok with stares - ppl will stare regardless of whether u have hair or not, it's just what ppl do,
- be kind to yourself - if you have a failed attempt it's more than ok
- and finally, you will realise no one really cares but in a good way - just do your thing !!
Good luck !!!!!
Oh and one last thing that helped me was watching this ted talk (my ultimate pep talk and reinforcer about why I was going thru w the reveal) about living wholeheartedly and without shame http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en
I would love to hear how you all go!!! Ps I'm from Australia too - melbourne.
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Oooo another Melb girl!!!
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