Where acceptance is all there is
I'm a twenty-something and attempting to meet and date new people. Scary enough right? Well I also lost all of my hair and wear a wig. I'd love to hear all of your stories (good and bad) about dating with alopecia. I know this is a very loaded topic but I'd feel a lot better with this new venture knowing how others have navigated the many issues.
I agree with Michelle... I never would tell unless I was in a serious relationship either and the only one that's saw mine au'natural is my husband.. my AA turned into AU when I got with him so my other b/f's never saw it in that manner they only knew I had lil spots here and there..
So far I've considered myself lucky that most men I've dated were able to access my facebook page before I've had to give "the talk." I don't broadcast my condition but I don't hide it either. I've been leaning on that to break the news gently and allow them to be honest with their feelings about it before moving forward with me. I'm relieved to hear success stories!
I never told any of my boyfriends. In fact, I didn't tell my now husband until after we were engaged! If I could do it again, I probably would have told him sooner but as with all of my relationships (friends, former boyfriends, extended family members), I didn't want my alopecia to be the first thing people thought of when they saw me.
I used to hide my Alopecia from everyone, so I never told any of the guys I used to talk to back in the day... And then my 1st boyfriend came along right before I turned 18 years old. When we first started dating, he figured something was sketchy because I never swam inside swimming pools or beaches at the time and I never used to let him touch my hair (Which was my wig.) A couple of months later, he noticed the lace from the wig on my head which forced me to tell him what was going on. Even though he finally knew, I was still uncomfortable showing him how I looked without the wig. One day after that, he randomly took the wig off of me while we were laying down and he started rubbing and kissing my entire head. At that moment, I led out a few tears considering he did the one huge thing I was so afraid of. After that, I would not wear the wig every time I hung out with him. Months later, I've been able to come out with my Alopecia to everyone I know and I owe some of that to him. I can either wear the wig in public or just go out bald and he is okay with either or. He still treats me the same and makes me feel beautiful no matter if the wig is on or off. I'm now about to turn 19.
I have broadcasted my condition on Facebook so the guys that I used to talk to now know and support me as well.
My boyfriend is the one who discovered my alopecia and he's amazing about it. He's even gone so far as to tell me it's "sexy". (Yeah right!). He humours me when I make him do a 'bald spot check' before I go to work and he's even helped me re-braid my hair to hide the spots. He hugs me when I cry about losing more hair.
My point is essentially that the right man won't care.
Hi Lana, I'm in a distant relationship, my boyfriend never asked me why I tatoued my eyebrows, and never noticed my hair loss when he sees me, I still have hair .. Lately Im loosing my hair alot, and I started thinking of shaving it instead of seeing it fall day by day, I told him about my AU because things start getting serious and I was feeling uncomfortable, in first time he was like , lets look for a treatement, I search with you ... Then I just told him that I don't want to do treatements anymore and that I want to live with it and shave my hair, I asked him to imagine me without hairs, bold, he told me : That would look so style and Fashion ... We are still together long-distance, he treats me the same, I sometimes feel bad about my AU but he supports me, told me to live my life because in the worst case, its only hairs :)
I still don't know how my life would be with him if we live together someday, for the present time I think it Ok with it :)
Maybe this will be helpful?
A family member of mine just about your age has AA and has been dating for quite a while. She wouldn't tell her date till after they went out a nice number of times and it happened a couple times that when she told her date he said he needed time... However, she started dating a really great guy a little while ago and when she told him he was totally fine with it and they actually just got engaged! Don't worry, you look beautiful and I'm sure you are a whole lot more than your hair! You just make sure to show them that and you'll be just fine:) gl uck!!