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Alopecia and sexual orientation
What role has your sexual orientation played in your experience of alopecia? Not just from an anatomical or medical standpoint, but more so from a psychological or sociological perspective. For example, has being gay, straight or transgendered exacerbated or ameliorated the problem of living with alopecia in your particular social and cultural contexts? In other words, has being gay, straight or transgendered made living with alopecia relatively worse or better for you? Please note that I'm NOT asking whether living with alopecia is harder for males or females, but whether your sexual orientation has played a significant role in how you've experienced alopecia.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Imbi on
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It is a nice topic. I´m straight and been with my boyfriend almost 5 years. I have been bald almost 8 years. I don´t wear wigs I like bandanas. I have experienced that when I´m not wearing skirt or dress people on streets who don´t know us have tought that we are gay, they give us bad looks or say something rude. It is just that I look more like a boy. It hurts sometimes but I know my man loves me just the way I am. Same time it is funny too.
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Imbi, it seems to me that you've learned to take the stares in stride. Good for you. Life is too short to spend much time being offended. ;-)
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Permalink Reply by merita hinnant on
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I am also straight and in a relationship with a wonderful man; He luvs me for who I am no matter what====I have found that it really bothers me more so than him, especially if I go wigless; Not only do I have alopecia totalis, I am short for my weight (ie fat ...lol); so we got out in public and i dont wear my wig, we get some hard looks, snickkers, glares ----etc... My man ignores it and he tells me all the time how beautiful i am and that he wouldnt want me any other way than the way i am. It really bothers me and not because they think we gay but because ---- it make me feel less of a woman; that i'm not a real woman. I know that sounds crazy but its hard to be femine and sensual. Need some thoughts
thanks
me
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Gordon, I really like how you explained this. Jeff's new group made me curious about this matter, so I thought I'd start a discussion about it. I suspect that having to live with being "different" in the first place can certainly prepare one to live with alopecia. Thanks for sharing your insight. :-)
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Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on
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Interesting topic RJ,
I've been out of the closet as a gay person since I was 13.
I guess I went from 10% of the population to 2% of the population.
What do you think are the stats are for gay and alopecian?
I would say being gay has always made me a little different from the norm so I would have to say my sexual orientation has helped me with the acceptance of alopecia.
But no where close to what you and Alopecia World have done for me.
Jeffrey
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Jeff, my guess is that you share many of Gordon's sentiments and feelings. Am I right? Of course, I delighted beyond words that Alopecia World has done and continues to do much for you. :-)
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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on
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Another social adjustment side to the story. You can be heterosexual and have identity/adjustment problems of another sort.
When women grow up with curves there can be a lot of unwanted attention just for being how they were made. Boobs, hips, whatever. Many women interestingly experience some of the rudest comments about their physical attributes from other women. " Of course I remember you from last week......wink wink...who could forget those...." Many shapely women have been dealing with the internal/external of who I feel I am versus how other people are assuming I am based on attributes they have no control over.
So when "real woman have curves" to quote the movie and then grow up to develop alopecia, the bald look can actually be a relief so attention is now somewhere else.
Men may not understand what I'm saying, but I think the women it applies to will.
rj- if you think this is too off topic you can remove it to keep the thread on point
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Thanks for the reply, Thea. I don't think it's off topic at all. Indeed, even as a heterosexual male, I understand where you're coming from: Alopecia can serve as an undesired but somewhat welcome distraction that relieves some of the lookist pressure in other areas of people's lives. However, I can't imagine that, in this case, coping with alopecia per se gets any easier. :-/
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Permalink Reply by JoDeanna on
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Rj, I don't really think it plays much of a part. If you are gay, you are gay. If you are straight, you are straight. I think we give out strong vibes to whatever gender we are attracted to. They are also those that have chosen to move away from the whole mating scene and dedicate themselves to a cause or religion. Their vibes are evident also and they are treated accordingly. I find, as a straight lady, I sometimes feel like accentuating my feminitity in dress and not too high heel shoes, maybe some sexy lingerie even if no one sees it but me. Alopecia cannot change who we are in that respect.
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Permalink Reply by Martin E on
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Interesting topic!
It has been my observation for some time that baldness -- or, at least, the display of baldness -- is WAY more prevalent in the gay community than in the straight community. I mean, like, by orders of magnitude. In fact, in my home town (San Diego, CA) it is impossible to go into gay neighborhoods and not see bald/balding men by the droves (and by bald, I mean shaved or close-cropped hair AND distinct Norwood MPB). In straight/mainstream areas, I might see one bald head an hour. Maybe.
Is it that gay men are more prone to baldness at a younger age? I have never seen scientific evidence to suggest that the same hormonal realities that cause one to be gay also contribute to MPB. So perhaps it isn't that the straight men aren't bald as well... they may just be covering it up. But would this not fly in the face of the stereotype that gay men are more focused on their looks? Wouldn't they then be more likely to cover it up than straight men?
Based on my observations, I cannot imagine that hair loss is as devastating to gay men as it is to straight men. But then again, as a straight man, I cannot speak for gay men. What IS distressing to me is the fact that, despite what we read and hear from women who say bald men are sexy, I see no evidence of widespread acceptance. It seems that the follicularly-challenged hetero is given a very grim set of choices: Get rugs, drugs or plugs... or turn gay.
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Permalink Reply by Gale Moorman on
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I was married and had children. I am an only child and my mother always wanted grandkids and I kept suppressing the fact that I love women and that I am really a lesbian. I married one of my tennis partners who was 20 yrs older than me. I had 3 sons with him and was sick of living that lie. AS soon as I got a PC went on line met a woman unfortunately from another country. We talked for months, she came to the US and we had a sexual relationship. I told my husband, came out to him all the while having the alopecia. I moved out, my kids are grown and one stayed with him and 2 went and lived with their friends. My lady accepted me with the alopecia and it was never an issue with her. She tried to move to the States but couldn't because of not having a work visa and all. We still talk and still love each other. I've tried to meet another woman living here in the States but having met anyone to be intimate with. Alopecia is just another closet that I have to be in but I'm learning to right away tell a prospective partner about it. If they deal with it lovely. If they don't then they can go somewhere else.
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