A question of transparency - and summer wig suggestions?

Hello AW, I would love to know how wig-wearers "come out" to the outside world. All my hair fell out in about 3 weeks back in Aug/Sept, so I'm still new at navigating how to explain this to people. I have two jobs. One "professional" job in an office, where I have only told 2 people (not my boss) and I only told one of those people because she kept commenting on my hair and how good it looked all the time. (thanks, Jon Renau!) My other job is as a yoga teacher, and I am *very* open in that community - I teach in a shorter wig, and practice bald. Then, there is my personal life.

Questions - three sides - same coin:

1. Should I tell my boss and co-workers about my alopecia? I'd love the option to mix it up and wear all these great wigs I've been collecting. However, it would also mean having to tell people in my building, etc. etc. It's a lot of openness for a person who is constantly trying to hide.

2. In my yoga job, I work with one person who, whenever I see her, makes comments about my appearance. She told me I looked like Barbie in my new blonde wig, keeps asking me if my eyebrows are really that color, and what my real hair color is, etc. etc. It isn't intentional, she is very sweet, just immature. I took a leap, and made a choice to be very open in this community, but the result is definitely being tarnished by this weekly encounter. Is there a kind way to tell her that I'm not comfortable having my appearance be the topic of every conversation? Or, should I tell her nicely, just that?

3. My personal life. I've been in a relationship with the most wonderful man for almost a year. He has told some of his good friends and family members (who I have met) about my alopecia, which I was surprised to hear, but now I feel weird about them knowing about it and not having the discussion with them myself. For some reason, not having control of the situation makes me feel, well, out of control. 

Is there a "right" way to be open about it? What's ironic, is that I know, with absolute certainty, not a single person thinks or cares about my hair. At all. It's all just my perception because all I can see is WIG WIG WIG whenever I look at myself. 

While I'm up here, I'd love to know what to do about how to manage wig wearing in the summer. My wigs aren't nice enough to put up in a ponytail, and it gets CRAZY hot and humid here. 

Insight and advice welcome and appreciated! 

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lexi on March 27, 2014 at 8:33pm

Explains why they have no idea.  Follea.  Say no more.  I could never afford that.  So synthetic it would always have to be. 

Permalink Reply by Shelly on March 27, 2014 at 5:09pm

I just started wearing a different everyday at work (high school science teacher) and told my students I only wear one because it's like wearing a sweater & it keeps me warm.  If I get to hot, I go into my back room & put on a bandanna....it's all about comfort for me....finally!  

I actually went to my boss and told him, "I hope your ok with this (wearing bandannas) because I plan on being comfortable. I took control there & it felt good.

In the summer & when I work out, I go "topless" as I call it (without a wig) and I feel so free. I can't imagine not being able to go without hair. 

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 27, 2014 at 8:45pm
Wow! So proud of you! Don't feel like you have to tell anyone you don't want to. I lost all of my hair last year, and luckily found a wig a lot like my hair. I I remember reading an article that said you wouldn't feel compelled to tell everyone if you got new teeth... Why feel compelled to share about your hair if you don't want to? As far as the person who always mentions your appearance, you may just have to nicely veer her from that conversation... "Let's not always speak about my appearance..." Good luck. You are doily great.
Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 27, 2014 at 8:47pm
Doing
Permalink Reply by Kathleen on March 31, 2014 at 8:18pm

I work full-time for a living for an economic development office.  We entertain clients from all over the world... our board of directors is made up of elected officials and high ranking community stakeholder officials.  I, as Exec Assist for the organization attend all the board meetings, and have to make many arrangements for visiting delegations and clients, and have a visual presence MOST of the time.  My hair fell out very suddenly this past summer, almost entirely, for the first time in my life.  I did not have enough hair on my head to style it or wear it discreetly.   We also have very hot and humid weather in southwestern Ontario.  I spent a weekend grieving my condition, trying to make a decision about what to do going forward. Caps, hats, scarves bought, experimented with... WAY too hot.  So, for me, and this was MY decision, I approached my boss, and then my office colleagues, and told them what was going on with me (Alopecia Areata) and that I may very well be bald in a few days.  I asked them all to quash rumours wherever possible and tell people the truth about my auto-immune condition, so that people would be at ease.  They were all supportive of whatever decision I made.  I then told my boss that I wanted to approach the board of directors as well, because they were likely to see me at the next meeting bald, and I didn't want anyone to think I was ill or undergoing chemo treatments, and he encouraged me to go ahead.  They (the Board of Directors) were superb... I got emails of humour (I encouraged bald jokes), support, and encouragement.  And then I just took it all off.  Shaved my head.  I wore caps and scarves when I felt like it, and bald when I felt like it.  On dress down Friday's I wore a T-shirt (MondoBaldo TM) that says "Sorry to hear about your bad hair day" or "Hair is over-rated.  Wear a crown.", or "Baldacious".  I work in a Research Park with roughly 400 other people in other offices, and everyone has been super supportive, and we've injected a lot of humour into it all.  They don't see me for my hair or lack of it.  I think they all see me as someone dealing with a condition I can do very little about, and I'm living with it and not being miserable about it at all.  BUT that is just me.  I accepted it ~ roughly at first, it was a hard pill to swallow, but then I just did.  I had to.

NOW, my hair is starting to grow back in... (I had scalp injections from a dermatologist) and I almost regret having hair now.  I have to look after it!  It was so much easier without it.  I know it can fall out again, any old time, and I know I can rock being bald, so I'm going with the flow once again. Rolling with the tide.  I just know that I don't want to wear a wig.  It would be harder to pull off a wig in the middle of the afternoon at work, if I felt that I didn't want to wear it any longer that day.  Pulling off my cap is easy, or my scarf, and I just stuff them in my bag.

I think coming out in advance to my colleagues, friends and family was the best move.  Let them know that truth so that they are not shocked and surprised, and so that they know what the condition is, and that you are not ill.  You have a condition that is beyond your control.  You will likely get more support than you ever imagined, and you will wonder why you didn't release yourself sooner.

All the best to you!!!!

Permalink Reply by MagPie on April 1, 2014 at 11:01am

Your courage and acceptance is so inspiring, I hope to follow in your footsteps. thank you for sharing! <3

Permalink Reply by Kathleen on March 31, 2014 at 10:58pm

THANK YOU... and the funny thing is... once they get used to seeing you bald, they get kind of freaked when your hair starts to grow back.   One of my colleagues walked in my office the other day and while talking to me he walked over to my credenza to look at a pic of me and my husband and niece and nephew on their wedding day and said "My apologies, I just had to have a look to remember what you looked like with hair." and I understood him.  He was so used to me without it, he wasn't sure anymore.  I'm not either :)  And that is okay with me.  Every day is a new day.

Permalink Reply by Giselle on April 3, 2014 at 4:27pm

Hi Maggie,

I custom make lacefront wigs. What exactly are you looking for?

Permalink Reply by CompassionateCreations on April 24, 2014 at 1:13pm

Hello MagPie, I am the owner of a company called Compassionate Creations Wig Design and I think it is really important for you to find materials that are light weight yet durable enough to withstand the daily wear and tear that wigs go through. Proper ventilation is key in finding a piece that is comfortable and breathable. Quality hair also plays a big part in how hot a wig can get! We offer both!!! You can check out wigs and tons on info on my website if you would like at www.compassionatecreationswigdesign.com

Veronica Balch

Owner- Compassionate Creations Wig Design

Permalink Reply by Susan on July 13, 2015 at 11:26am
hi MagPie
My name is Susan and I live and work in Boston.
Would you like to meetup ?
I would love to start a support group here.

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