Alopecia World
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Hey, can I borrow your comb?
Back in seventh and eighth grades I went through a living Hell. I was small for my age and not very out-going (one might say "painfully shy") and puberty would wait until the summer after eighth grade. Anyway, one of the more annoying taunts was, "Hey! Kid! Can I borrow your comb?" Usually followed by raucous laughter by all within earshot. I don't know why this particular barb hurt so much, it just did. So, I went out and bought a comb! I figured that if they asked for it I would just produce it like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to carry a comb.
You know what? They never asked me that question again!! Boy, did I feel foolish! I kept waiting for that question and it never came, at least not from the kids I expected it from. I did have some very close friends (Thank GOD!) during this time and we would hang out together as friends tend to do. One day my best friend asked to borrow my comb! I was stunned, but handed it over anyway. He used it and handed it back to me and said, "Thanks!" About five paces later he pulled up short and very seriously asked me, "Why the (bleep!) do you have a comb?" I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe! When I regained control I told him that he had just paid me the ultimate compliment. He didn't get it. I explained that, to him, he didn't think of me as "Bald Steve", he just thought of me as "Steve", and that made a great deal to me and I thanked him.
This same scene happed two more times with two other friends with more or less the same reaction.
Talk about Acceptance!
What had started out as a possible lead to a fight ended up being an inadvertant test of my friends' attitude to me. I don't recommend that anyone should test friends, this was not a planned thing on my part. But it does show that when someone loves you, they don't give a hoot what you look like because they're looking at the "you" within.
So, yes, you can test after all. The people who just react to you and give you a hard time don't know you at all. They are shallow. Good friends are a blessing with no measure and it's true: You can never have enough friends!
You know what? They never asked me that question again!! Boy, did I feel foolish! I kept waiting for that question and it never came, at least not from the kids I expected it from. I did have some very close friends (Thank GOD!) during this time and we would hang out together as friends tend to do. One day my best friend asked to borrow my comb! I was stunned, but handed it over anyway. He used it and handed it back to me and said, "Thanks!" About five paces later he pulled up short and very seriously asked me, "Why the (bleep!) do you have a comb?" I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe! When I regained control I told him that he had just paid me the ultimate compliment. He didn't get it. I explained that, to him, he didn't think of me as "Bald Steve", he just thought of me as "Steve", and that made a great deal to me and I thanked him.
This same scene happed two more times with two other friends with more or less the same reaction.
Talk about Acceptance!
What had started out as a possible lead to a fight ended up being an inadvertant test of my friends' attitude to me. I don't recommend that anyone should test friends, this was not a planned thing on my part. But it does show that when someone loves you, they don't give a hoot what you look like because they're looking at the "you" within.
So, yes, you can test after all. The people who just react to you and give you a hard time don't know you at all. They are shallow. Good friends are a blessing with no measure and it's true: You can never have enough friends!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
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I agree Steve. A lot of times I swear my friends forget totally that I have alopecia. There was a time when I would switch between wigs, hats, scarfs and nothing at all. After a while they could not tell you what I wore on my head the night before. It was like eye glasses and contacts.
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Permalink Reply by Steve on
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That is a good one, "Acting bald", what the heck is that!! :) Sometimes its like people expect us to act different because we look a little different!
Go figure!
Thanks to all of you for responding! As I cruze through this site all sorts of memories filter up or are triggered directly from a shared similar experience. This is sooo coool!!
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Permalink Reply by Mandy on
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By "acting bald" your friend probably meant that you don't let it define you. You are still confident and not letting being bald make you act any differently.
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Permalink Reply by Lee on
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LMAO...that was funny...u brought a smile to my face!!! I had a lot of friends forget I was wearing a wig...which is usually a good thing...but sometimes bad..when ur drunk at a bar...bad LOL
But all in all...I want them to forget..I dont want to be known as the girl that wears a wig.
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Permalink Reply by Carmella on
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I have people ask me for hair accessories all the time, ponytail holders, clips, barretts... but I'm usually the one who says "why the bleep would I have on of those?" - Thanks for sharing I see it in a different light now.
XOXO
CAR
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Carmella, Thanks for the comment. So often, when I was alot younger, every comment aimed at me seemed to have a negative or confrontational aspect to it. During those early times, and at the age I was at the time, all remarks seemed designed to hurt my feelings or degrade me in some way. The hard part for me was realizing that not everyone on this planet is as nice as we'd like them to be.
Somewhere during that time I began to realize that what others thought of me didn't matter half as much as what I thought of me. When I reached that point my anger and resentment vanished because I stopped giving credence to idiots and ignorant strangers. Negative remarks and comments can hurt, but will only do damage if you let them. Don't give those kinds of people that power over you!
We are all just regular people dealing with this very unusual condition. We are stronger for going through it and we get a great education on human nature at the same time!
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