Alopecia World
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Convincing a disappointed lover to stay
Some years ago, a professor from Cairo, Egypt, demanded a divorce and damages of more than $86,000 from his wife for deception.
The professor said that, on their wedding night, he made the shocking discovery that his attractive young wife was bald while running his fingers through her beautiful hair as she slept.
He claimed that horror set in when the hair turned out to actually be a wig.
He said that one of the things he liked about his wife was her beautiful long hair, and he was disgusted to find out on his wedding night that it wasn’t real.
The bride lost her hair at a young age due to illness and had worn a wig ever since.
I'm not sure how (or whether) this legal case was settled. (If you know, please tell the rest of us.)
However, I'm curious to know how an alopecian might convince their intimate partner or spouse not to abandon the relationship under such circumstances.
What would you suggest to an alopecian who was not only in the bride's situation, but who also really wanted their lover to stay with them regardless of the fact that their lover believed all along that they had "real" hair?
The professor said that, on their wedding night, he made the shocking discovery that his attractive young wife was bald while running his fingers through her beautiful hair as she slept.
He claimed that horror set in when the hair turned out to actually be a wig.
He said that one of the things he liked about his wife was her beautiful long hair, and he was disgusted to find out on his wedding night that it wasn’t real.
The bride lost her hair at a young age due to illness and had worn a wig ever since.
I'm not sure how (or whether) this legal case was settled. (If you know, please tell the rest of us.)
However, I'm curious to know how an alopecian might convince their intimate partner or spouse not to abandon the relationship under such circumstances.
What would you suggest to an alopecian who was not only in the bride's situation, but who also really wanted their lover to stay with them regardless of the fact that their lover believed all along that they had "real" hair?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Yeah, but the article doesn't say whether he is bald because he has alopecia or if he is bald because of run-of-the-mill male pattern baldness and his vanity is causing him to hide it.
Given the topic of the conversation, and just because I have NO PROBLEMS visualizing this one, it actually struck me as almost funny, because who would expect an ass-whooping over this???
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Permalink Reply by Ashley on
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I think the simple reply to what this is asking is...if you have been hiding it, & suddenly get caught, the only thing to do, is to admit what you've done wrong, & sit down & talk about it with your loved one. If they really do love you, they will love you whether you have hair or not, they will understand your embarrassment for having hid it, & will understand that & forgive you.
I think it all stems on whether you really love the person or not. I question this woman's love for her man, since she wasn't upfront, or at least didn't later on in the relationship admit the truth.
When I had someone I loved, him knowing wasn't a question in my mind. It was a big part of me he had to know, & he would have to love me with it. He was the one person at the time I could show what hair i had to & feel completely comfortable & beautiful around. He of course went through it with me, it started falling out while we were dating, but i don't think all high school juniors would stick around through that. I always took off my wig when we were alone, & you know what? He still called me beautiful & i knew he meant it, because he looked at me the same way he did when i had my hair on. Also, he was my best friend then, & i talked to him about any & everything, & i think that's how a marriage should be, you should be completely comfortable with each other! I could talk to him about my feelings with alopecia since he was one of the few people who knew (when it was first happening) & so of course he would have to know about it. of course people change, & tend to disappoint you. He did. But he was quite a man when i was going through it, i have to give him that. & while I'm not in love with him anymore, i love him for what he did. He was there for me through it all falling out, & helped lift me up when i was feeling low. Isn't that what the person you're going to spend the rest of your life should do for you? Whats the point in being married to someone if you're not comfortable & forthcoming with each other? This story just isn't right. I don't see how they really loved each other. & the amount he's suing for is obsene. Deceited by a wig or not.
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In the end, what needs to be noted here is that this man's wife wasn't being vain when she didn't tell him about her baldness. It sounds like she genuinely fell in love with this guy, fucked up personality and all, and chose not to tell him partly to maintain the image he fell in love with, and partly because she didn't want to lose what she had. The driving motivation behind all of it can't be anything else but fear, and despite the words of encouragement that I have read in the replies to this discussion, who among us hasn't felt exactly what this woman must have felt to go to the lengths she did to hide it???
Unfortunately, I am not the optimist I used to be, so all the assurances I get about eventually finding someone who wants me for me I take with a grain of salt. At this point I've seen too much of the opposite to believe that anymore. The guy that calls himself my boyfriend is a great example -- he has said from day one that my alopecia does not bother him; however, his actions speak a lot louder than any words he could ever speak or write. I have to beg him to visit, go out on dates with, and spend time with me. At this point, I'm not waiting around for him anymore to get with the program, and he's proven my point I've been trying to make without me doing anything. THAT is what honesty has gotten me 100% of the time that I've been dating (across 5 states, no less!) Sorry, but at this point I can't blame the Egyptian girl one bit for doing what she did.
I'm not going to convince anyone that they need to be with my by anyone's stretch of the imagination, but at the same time since we alopecians compromise ourselves with everything else in our lives when it comes to our alopecia, why should this be any different??
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Permalink Reply by brian kirchman on
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However, I'm curious to know how an alopecian might convince their intimate partner or spouse not to abandon the relationship under such circumstances.
ok so i have a problum with that statement....my ex did leave me over my AU not that i hid it but only just got it last year.......the word convince in that statement sounds more like beg.
when she left me i did not try to "convince" her i basicly told her to hit the freaking bricks then and not in those words.
the case in that story of course is extream and i sapose he was decived in a way. but the man is obviously shallow and puts more stock in some ones hair than in the person themselves and i would never ever tell any one to try and convince or beg some one like that to stay
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on
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I don't think i would ever try to convience any one to stay with me. Even if was just becuase of my alopeica. If a man can not love me with or without hair who needs him. Yes this birde should have been honest, But how can a wig be a deal breaker. It is just hair. it is not like she had a secret idenity. There are some very shallow people out in the world that all they xcare baout is their looks and thire partners. ONce you have had alopeica for awhile or been with someone. You leanr to look past the vanity. You look at who a person is not how they look. Alopecia is a blessing in disguise ( i think i spelled that wrong) You can really find your true friends and loved ones. So if you have a convience or make some one stay with you, It isnt worth it. Plus would you want to be with someone that begged you to stay with them. I sure wouldn't.
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Permalink Reply by gerald on
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To the person who mentioned breast implants and socialized medicine, Socialized medicine in most countries does not cover cosmetic procedures such as breast implants.
It only covers breast implants in breast cancer patients.
If a person wants breast implants in most countries, they pay for it themselves, not with government health care.
America already has socialized medicine, we process the uninsured through emergency wards, and then the taxpayer and the hospital pay the bill.
It is the dumbest version of socialized medicine, it is healthier and less expensive to cover people upfront, which is one of the reasons that Americans spend more per-capita on health insurance than any other country, and we are 48th in health care stats.
And contrary to the myth, there are sometimes longer waiting lists in large American metro areas for medical procedures than there is in many of the other developed countries that have universal health care.
America's health care system needs reform.
As far as the young lady goes, she should have told her man that she was bald.
I knew my wife was beautifully bald, and her bald beauty is one of the reasons, amongst other reasons, that I married her.
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Permalink Reply by Katherine Green on
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I would just like to add, & i hope that i use the right words that there is a cultural side to this story as well.
I am sure that in other parts of the world they are maybe not as open minded & see the idea of a bald female as something of shame or embarassment.
The western image of female perfection has been perpetuated for a very long time and, as a result, most people do without realising it aspire or admire the image model that is `tall,slim, & with long Blonde Hair.
I live & work in London (England) at one time i used to go around with my head uncoverd & i can remember the look of horror when i used to go into my local convienience store; The owner`s wife used to dislike serving me & the ower himself suggested that i
"Cover it up as i would never find a husband"
He went on to say that women from where he is from would never go around like that. Even after i explained to him about my alopecia there was no real change in his attitude, nor with his wife.
Personally speaking, when it comes to dating, i do not mention alopecia straight off, and why should anyone feel that they have to ?
But after a couple of dates & things were beginning to look like they would get serious, then i would tell my partner.
In an ideal world (which it is not) it should be no different to wearing contact lenses; I kind of
"Oh, and by the way, i have alopecia, yes, this is a wig !" (A quick joke could be good at this moment.)
"I have one for every day of the week!"
"On Saturdays....I go Blonde"
"Of course it`s my hair, i paid for it !"
"The hair`s fake but my breasts are real !"
You get the idea,
However, it will come down to the strenght of your potential partners character. After all, nobody gvies away all their details right from the start.
Falling in love with someone is a journey of discovery & you have to be ready to make that journey, together.
And if oyur partner was to leave, then it just means that they were not ready to make that journey, with you or with anyone else..
I hope i made sense ;~)
Cheers
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Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on
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Katherine, your reply makes sense, for sure. However, when people withhold information about themselves that they know could lead to them being rejected, that "journey of discovery" that you mentioned degenerates and devolves into a journey of deception. That's why I've always preferred disclosing my dirt to a love interest much sooner than later, and I genuinely appreciate when the other person does the same. For example, my fiancee, Cheryl Carvery, will tell you that I didn't waste any time revealing my pathetic past to her. Moreover, almost from the day she and I started talking, I asked her to share the things about herself and her life that might cause me to walk away from our nascent relationship. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner (potential) couples get the obvious obstructions and obstacles out of the way, the better. Of course, this means that the idea of making the "discovery" on my wedding night that my new spouse is bald although she always appeared to have more hair than Rapunzel, or that she's really broke, busted, and disgusted even though she looks and lives like she's doing very well financially, or whatever the case may be, is, for me, ony the making of a mess and certainly not an authentic and amorous journey of discovery. So, while I agree with you that one needs to get certain things out, and thus get them out of the way, "after a couple of dates," I'd also emphasize that what might end of being not-so-good-news about yourself needs to shared way BEFORE things get "serious."
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