what doesn't kill you make you stronger?

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Permalink Reply by tamgirl on June 16, 2008 at 9:10am

Hiya Eddie

Yes i think it did make me stronger. I never have worn a wig. so my dad made me real tough. hahah he always said, u have to fight two times as hard than someone with hair.
Im not saying he was always right though.
I have learned to use my energy and positive thinking over all these years.
Maybe we have to work a little bit harder sometime at the start. to prove we are normal.. ahaha
but nothing wrong with that.
My dad learned me to stand tall, hahha i am a real tall women and he said, stand up straight, show them you are there and not afraid. All these little things helped me to be strong.

When i tried to go out when i was a teenager.. haha i didnt liked it though... i needed to be strong. i never was being bullied but when i went to a club or pub i suddenly had to be strong cuz lots of ppl made comments ( no most were not friendly or uplifting). So me standing up straight, looking them in the eye, make a comment back some now and then, made me deal with it and made me stronger again. But when i was a teenager it made me feel down, it wasnt the good time to go out.. haha trust me, later i did and enjoyed it triple.. ahahah, cuz i have learned to deal with it.

haha i think i am stronger too cuz i dont let ppl push me around... all tricks that i have learned cuz of being bald, but missing a leg or arm would of made me stronger too. Being different than average always will make ppl stronger in the end. They have much more obsticals to deal with.
When it comes to work, i never had problem with gettin a job. I just went to the places, showed i could handle the job and always got it.
People always told me that their impression of me, made them forget my baldness within a day.

But the strong part has a down side aswell. For a while i was only being strong and forgot that i had a soft side to, but getting older and wiser helped me to get in touch of that part aswell.

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Permalink Reply by Mandy on June 16, 2008 at 11:53am

Oh it certainly has made me stronger. I'm still new to AA and already I feel that it has made me a stronger person than I was before.

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Permalink Reply by Suze on June 18, 2008 at 7:18pm

If it has, I am not aware of it. I lost 50% of my hair, shaved off the rest and got a great "hair system". To the outside world it seemed like I got a flattering new hairstyle. I really didn't miss a step. It still is very much my secret though. The fact that I didn't have to face the world with a physical feature that set me apart from others protected me from dealing with their reactions. Losing eyebrows and eyelashes could change things considerably for me I imagine.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra on June 26, 2008 at 4:37pm

I am still pretty new to this, but I think more than anything it has actually caused me to question the strength I once thought I possessed. I always considered myself a strong person who "took the bull by the horns" whenever a challenge faced me. I also did not think of myself as superficial. But this hit me like a steam train. All of a sudden I really cared about how I looked and how others would look at me. I am also still keeping this to myself (finally reaching out to others through this community). I wonder where my courage has gone. I think struggles can make us better, and I am hoping this does eventually happen for me.

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Permalink Reply by Kate on June 27, 2008 at 10:30am

Hey there,
I would say that it made me realise the strength I already had, having never really been tested before. I cried my eyes out on the day when I thought 'So much hair has now come out I need to start wearing scarves', I sat in my bed and mass emailed all my colleagues so that the next day when I turned up for work with a hippy-like scarf on they did not wonder what was going on. After that I have just gotten on with it. That was in March and I now have hardly a single hair left...I'm AU. I haven't changed, I just appreciate how strong and confident I am, something I never really thought about before. Also, I hate moaners, so am of the opinion that as long as I am not ill then I will be fine. Lots of people out there are much worse off than me, so I am still smiling... A LOT!
Kx

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Permalink Reply by Zoey on July 1, 2008 at 2:51pm

Heck yea... I had to change the way I think about lots of stuff..

All of the steps through my life and the blessing to my AU has made me a much stronger person.

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Permalink Reply by Dominique on July 3, 2008 at 7:46pm

I think for me it's a very specific kind of strength - it's a strength that is aimed directly at telling myself that despite not having hair, I'm beautiful, I'm attractive, boys like me, I dont need to hide and it can't stop me doing anthing.

I do also think that it has at times made me weaker. I sometimes allow myself to use it as an excuse not to do things - like in highschool when my mates went to the beach, I didn't want to go because I didn't want to take my hat off. It's also very easy for me to feel down on myself - and make excuses for mistakes I make that are probably more a result of weakness of character, than having alopecia.
All it takes is one bad day and the random thought that I'm a bald freak pops into my head. Even after being bald my entire life, I still go through stages where I don't want to leave the house.

I've had a number of people tell me I'm amazingly strong, and I don't disbelieve them.. alopecia has changed my life. I'm more accepting of others than I think I otherwise would have been, I have a great empathy for anyone from any minority group, and I'm sure there's an inner strength that I wouldn't have had.

However - I struggle to try and effect that strength in other areas of my life. I'm starting to apply it though, knowing I have dealt with alopecia for 23 years, and finally starting to realise the enormity of that for me - is helping.

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Permalink Reply by Lori D. on July 6, 2008 at 9:15am

I've had this for 37 years and I can say that YES it has absolutely made me stronger. My childhood and adolescent years were pretty awful but living through what I still remember as hell has toughened me up for sure. Now I look at it as the hand I've been dealt and that's it. In my case, it won't change much, I have a little hair on the scalp but I don't think I'll ever have a full head of hair. I'm different from every member of my family...no one is as adventurous as I. My husband worries because I'm not afraid of anything and well, he thinks I should be! It's kind of weird thinking about how I've evolved...as a kid, I was afraid of people and situations; most kids were very mean to me so I avoided everyone. Now, I wouldn't hurt a fly but I deal with everything straight on. So Yes, I'm definitely stronger. My thoughts.

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Permalink Reply by Bogie on July 6, 2008 at 1:25pm

Once one turns 30, the emphasis is on others more than self. I find that, in teaching and in relationships, I am more sensitive to those who are troubled or who have "issues," and will support the underdog in most situations. I see the other sides of stories, and look for the untold problem as a possible reason for the anger, putdowns, shyness, attention-getting, etc. of others. Having Alopecia may make you out there more empathetic to a mate or your own children, and someday to your younger or your troubled co-workers. Use what you have had to go through to understand other people and accept THEM.
Remember: Everyone Has Something.

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Permalink Reply by Malinda Rode on July 8, 2008 at 10:40am

I was already very strong, but my alopecia helped me use that strength. It was difficult while I was losing my hair, because I very much valued my hair, and when it started to fall out, I felt like a freak. I turned my thinking around very quickly, I decided that regardless of the status of my hair, I WOULD be loved, and I WOULD be accepted. I spent the last three years of highschool in wigs, and the last two years I was very open about my baldness even though I still wore the wigs. I don't like to draw unnecessary attention to myself and that is why I wore them. The last week of highschool, I went around without the wig. And yes, the quote "popular kids" started talking about the fact that I'm fighting leukemia. I found that hilarious! Since I grew up in such a small town, everyone knew everyone else's business, and many people assumed I had just shaved my head. I walked tall, with my head held high, and I wasn't scared. And all went well, because I literally wouldn't accept anything less. I don't care what other people think, and I've never taken the mainstream path, even before my hairloss. This fall, when I go off to college, I'm nixing the wig. I don't want it anymore, and I don't need it. I am beautiful, I am confident, I am joyful, and I am strong, and if anyone says otherwise, they are blind.

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