Whatdya mean it may not come back?!?

Where acceptance is all there is!

Whatdya mean it may not come back?!?

Posted by Mike on May 6, 2008 at 9:30pm

So I guess I'll start in September of 2007 -- when I went to my regular hair stylist for my regular monthly haircut. I had a full head of thick, dark hair. Or so I thought. She starts cutting and asks me about a bald spot developing at the back of my scalp. I hadn't noticed any hair loss previous to her holding up the mirror to show me. I was shocked, to say the least. It was one of those cup-your-hands-around-your-mouth-and-gasp situations. I had been walking around for who knows how long...with a fairly sizable bald spot on the back of my head. And what ticked me off as the hours went by after the haircut is...NO ONE had said a word. It was probably about an inch in diameter and I guess I hadn't noticed it because I don't look at the back of my head with another mirror very often -- unless I am totally bored or something. Never felt it while shampooing. Nothing -- because I suppose I wasn't looking for it. But everyone MUST have seen it! It was weird.

I went to the doctor who immediately said it was alopecia and my hair would probably grow back within months. In the meantime, he told me to get creative with hats and caps because there wasn't anything he could really give me to make it grow in faster. I had some other nagging issues -- constant tiredness, irritability, etc. He took some blood and it turns out I have hypothyroidism, which I am told...could have led to this? That's a whole seperate issue though.

Anyway, the hair loss was getting progressively worse by November. On the 13th, I broke my leg. While I waited for surgery (5 days -- pretty bad break) my hospital bed became covered in hair...which was somewhat embarassing whenever I had a visitor. I was still embarassed about the condition (alopecia) at that time and hadn't told many people. I was open about the thyroid disease but not the alopecia that came with it. So I said it had to do with the body trauma, which in part, was actually true. The shock to the body apparently made it fall out faster. Nothing was showing any signs of growing in. I eventually shaved my head and today...it's still patchy. My facial hair is patchy. My once bushy eyebrows are gone. Most of my eyelashes have fallen out. I have lost all the hair on my arms and legs...but some remains on the chest and other regions where it's completely useless (lol). My look has totally changed. I am like that shaved cat Rachel Green from Friends buys for 1000 dollars or something. I wore touques all winter and have just switched to ball caps. Problem is...I work in an office where head wear doesn't really go with khakis. Fortunately, my coworkers and my boss have been supportive...allowing me to wear hats...but I don't think anyone really understands the psychological and social aspects of losing all of your hair so quickly. "Oh just take off the hat!" I just can't. If my scalp was smooth, I would. But no matter how deep the shave, you can still see the dark patches and it looks ridiculous. The one and only time I decided to suck it up and walk into a store hatless...I got sympathy looks. I thought I was just being overly observant...but then the clerk asked how many "treatments" I have had to endure. I simply said it wasn't as serious as it looked.

I read somewhere on here that rapid hair loss due to alopecia is like losing a close friend or family member. Sounds completely emo, but it's true. I put on the brave face at work and around friends and family...but have a tough time even looking in a mirror to put in my contacts or shave whatever is left on my face. I am normally a strong person who is always there to console others. But I find myself somewhat weak and without anyone to shoot back the right words when I get all down about it because they just don't get it -- which is absolutely no fault of theirs. It's psycological more than anything.

I have searched high and low for alopecia support groups in my province and have found nothing (except cancer hair loss support groups -- no thanks. I think they are much worse off and don't need my whining). Not a single link. Google led me to this site...and I couldn't be happier. It's like Facebook meets Myspace meets Live Journal.

It's funny. I had never heard of alopecia until a friend lent me all three seasons of Arrested Development a couple years ago. Fell in love with it and I laughed at Stan Sitwell and his alopecia ordeal, or as Lucille Bluth said, "he's an alpaca". Sometimes I joke that I'll have to get some "just woke up hair" and stick on eyebrows...like Sitwell. Anyway, who knew I would eventually have alopecia too. It was funny then, and still is, but I like and relate to Sitwell just a little bit more now...and his desire (albeit miserable failure) to look "normal" again.

Long story short...I am still hoping for some kind of remission stage. And if not that, then I wish each and every hair would just...screw off. All of them...go away...especially on the scalp so I CAN go comfortably bald in public. Since losing most of my hair, I have also realized (and been told) how WHITE I am. Thinking of some tanning sessions. A year ago, I would have said, "I'll never shave my head! I'll never be one of those people in a tanning booth! Silly!" Funny how life does a complete 180 and can change so quickly in such a short period of time. The last 7 months or so have certainly been a physical and mental jolt to the system. I find it interesting how my priorities and views on life and experiences have dramatically changed.

A little about me. I am a bald (duh!), professional man who was raised in rural southwest Saskatchewan, Canada. I am a broadcast journalist and currently manage the radio newsroom of three stations in northwest Saskatchewan. I also anchor the morning Monday to Friday news. I have had a successful career and I make a decent living. Couldn't ask for a better family and friends..who are as supportive as they can be. I really have everything I could ever ask for. So...sometimes I get mad at myself for being so upset about having alopecia when there are so many other people with much larger problems -- problems that will, unfortunately, eventually kill them.

Thanks for the support. I have been enjoying reading about all of you since discovering you over the past couple of days...and accepting your friendship and kind words. I am truly thankful for this online group.

Mike

Comment by Mark Duval on May 7, 2008 at 1:11am: Hey Mike!
Great story you have here. I can relate to it in many ways. My Alopecia first appeared a year after I started taking synthroid for my hypothyroidism, my doctor said that there was no connection, but as I'm finding out now, it's something that many of us have in common. I also think that stress played a role in my Alopecia, I was in a bad relationship, and working as a Social Worker in Toronto, a job I loved but after 12 years I needed a change. I made a couple of changes in my life, moved back to my hometown and became a letter carrier for Canada Post. The Alopecia comes and goes, although it takes longer to regrow now. I am thinking of shaving it off also, but like you I have dark hair and white skin, so the patches will really be obvious...and while I get to wear a hat while I work, I'm dreading the events where I cannot wear one, like my neice's upcoming first communion. The weird things that I now worry about, eh?
Anyway, welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your story.

Mark

Comment by Nicky Zip on May 7, 2008 at 5:29am: Hi Mike

Thanks for the invitation and for writing such an honest and thought provoking post. I'm working with mainly women coping with the social pressures of being a bald woman in this image conscious society we live in. Working in the media world must also exert its own kind of pressures. I think if you want a few 'Sitwell' moments and a tan helps you get through the summer, than do what it takes. Whatever you do won't conceal your very clear good sense of humour and warm personality that comes through your post. Other genuinely interesting people like genuinely interesting people whether they have hair or not. I'm sure you've got great friends who will tell you if you go too far with the 'Sitwell' approach to life.

Re: life's journey, it is amazing where you find yourself travelling to. I made hats for Ascot, Henley, Goodwood for over 10 years here in the UK. In millinery terms that's about as showy as you can get! I loved the 'theatre' aspect to it all and thought I would never do anything else. Then just over 2 years ago ladies started asking me to make them hats because they had lost their hair. Now I'm learning again, struggling with techniques and fabrics to make great hats that aren't in the least showy. Their beauty lies in the fact that they can be worn everyday and they work well for the women who wear them. The simplicity is hard to achieve well! Less column inches, but I feel this is where my gift, the skill I've been given with my hands, can be used for now. It sounds to me like you're in a fairly high profile area, there may well be a reason for that.

Welcome to AW and thanks for getting in touch. Nicky Zip

Comment by Carol on May 7, 2008 at 7:47am: Mike,
It's funny that you mention tanning beds - I heard a long time ago that some people have seen regrowth from solar therapy. I've even noticed with my own head that I'm fuzzier in the summer but that may also have to do with irritating my scalp when it gets sun burnt. Living in the sunniest province in Canada, I wouldn't think that not getting sun is a problem. LOL
Nicky Zip might be onto something too about you working in a high profile job. Oh the resources you must have at your fingertips! I just started a support group where I live and the news paper came to interview me yesterday. Just imagine what you could do!

Comment by Trina on May 7, 2008 at 9:56am: Mike,

it is totally normal to feel that way. Who in life does not want to be like others. Who wants to stick out or be noticed? Just think that you have people who will help support you. Just Imagine being a woman with Alopecia LOL Losing hair is like losing a friend but in the end this has made me stronger in a sense and like you can have moments when I just want to be normal.. LOL then I think are any of us really normal. I find ways to smile when I really dont want too and be strong when I really feel like crying. I figure pull the bull by the horns and fight back. Even though we feel bad for others you will still feel pain for alopecians, because the world knows about them. How many in the world know us?

Comment by Linsey on May 7, 2008 at 10:33am: Mike
I am falling back on my years as a sorority girl and saying, "work it." Bald is "in" for men! Hang in there!

Comment by gary on May 7, 2008 at 8:26pm: being only 5'8 175 i am hardly what you would call a prime specimen for the shaved/bald look. but i have noticed it here, and i noticed it with myself. try wearing some glasses, even if you don't need them, it kind of breaks up the baldness.

Comment by Diane on May 7, 2008 at 9:36pm: Bonjour Mike,
Thanks for you friend request.
I was reading your story and can relate on a few things you mentions... I've lost all my hairs in about 3 days.... so I understand what you mean by not being able to look at yourself in the mirror!! Loosing eyelashes and eyebrows is like being erased...but we are made stronger than we think and can adapt to a lot!!
By the way, about the tanning session, I've been once told that UV do not go deeper enought into the skin to be efficient for alopecia...
Bye for now!
Diane

Comment by Orbit on May 8, 2008 at 7:57pm: Mike, I feel for you.
Perhaps jumping into the tanning bed isn't the healthiest option, you could try the self bronzers instead!? I've given them a whirl - even though I can remember just a couple of years ago swearing that "I'll never flaky bake!". Well I have ans it gives you that sun kissed look with out the harmful effects of the sun's aging rays.

Somewhere somebody else was taking about getting that ultra smooth head shave to get rid of the dark patches and I think Yokasta suggested using actual hair conditioner as the shaving cream. I guess it gives super smooth and close shaves, check it out.

Also, I don't know if its because I'm bald, but I actually prefer the bald look on guys. I find it very sexy :-D